this isn’t going to make sense
cause it’s not supposed to
and if I’m being honest
this isn’t for you
it’s not even for me

I’m stuck
I’m trapped
I’m lost
I’m every other word that describes people who feel at a dead end

I’m typing on a ****** phone
That’s connected to a ****** connection
That could possibly be a metaphor for my life

I’m writing
Because I don’t know what else to do

I’m writing
Cause that’s what they told me to do

But they also told me that what I think isn’t always true
That I’m special and I just don’t see it

But that’s the thing
I don’t see it

And if I don’t see it then why should it matter if anyone else does

And if I’m thinking something why should it matter if it’s true

What matters is that it’s in my head
What matters is that it’s always there

But here I am
Stuck in the same place
Back to square one
No progress made
The same questions, whether true or not

Will I amount to anything?
Do I really help?
Am I really worthwhile?
Do you actually care?

I see these people
When I’m online
They smile and post
They edit and pose

I can’t help but wonder

Do you really smile, or do you just do it to look happy like me?
Do you really feel happy, or are you trying to lie like me?
Do you understand what I feel?

Or is it just me?

I’m not trying to be selfish
I don’t want a lot
I just want to be happy
And I want others to be happy with me
But neither is happening

So instead there’s a poem
That doesn’t even ryhme
That makes no sense
  I’ll try harder

I
What happens when conflicts and wars cease?
When humanity stops being ill at ease?
What happens in a world where there is peace?
Every child paid for school fees.
ii
You and I blame him for being wrong.
Will we ever learn to get along?
iii
I rise only to see those that need a helping hand
And I am ashamed by the sun when she pours love
On us all like doves above.
The latter cause, we get funds,
Only to divert them then struggle for land
iv
How much innocence has been lost
By wars which escalate the most?
V
Let us not get drunk for wars,
But drink from a *** of peace to
Quench our thirst.
Let peace be through humanity.
                                                               by Kitaka Alex

I have faith even if I never hear a voice.
I know he controls my life because my life is controlled by things that weren't my choice.
I didn't pick this skin but I'm in it.
Life is a game & to win it?
I have to walk by the father & bleed until I'm superior, until my mind is sharper.
God sought to challenge me by making my skin darker.
How can you look at me and hate me because I'm a darker shade?
It's like fussing at your date for your food being wrong when they had nothing to do with how things were made.
Take that hate up with my lord.
I'll still love & pray for you because eternity isn't something I can afford.

The scripture said I had to change.
I promised them that I would stay the same,
I didn't.
A sherif on my own life's road.
Trying to keep myself from routes I've already drove.
Sometimes finding a hand to hold opposite the steering wheel seems like my only hope.
Just trying to find a way to show all the things that I know.
I've been trying to lighten up the load, tighten up control.
These missing things I'm asking for, prayer is like ointment to the sores, I just need to know you.
The Devil uses my success to open doors that I shouldn't go through.
You were the air I breathe you walked away & forced me to choke.
If I set fire to my soul, will you even see the smoke?

I won't have kids
I'm very serious
Not until i can say to them
"I lived through a time when it was unhealthy to have your curly hair and brown skin,
When you could be killed over an assumption. Yes I know even if you had nothing to do with it.
I lived through a time when it didn't mean much to us to serve and protect.
But your generation can do better than us,
We caught and exposed via our phones and social media the power lustful and corrupt

But we only received this torch from those that walked up and down on this path before us.
I want you to do better and be better than us my child, so go out into the world and be proud of your heritage and who you are
Remember the struggles we went through, so they never happen again. "

So bright, consuming all my nights.
She's enchanting like Rosellas when they fly.
Eye to eye, a blue that makes you want to dive.
So beautiful like sapphires in her eyes.
A wild torch, couldn't contain it if I tried.
Gorgeous pain, uncontrollably smiling while I cried.
I say I don't love her & never have I agonized so much inside as I lied.
Such a portrait can not be earthly, Lord tell me have I died?

Till you can’t walk
Till you are sore,
Yet still smiling
from the thrilling experience,
Till you are sweating pleasure
from every pore.
Till your breath murmurs
my first name with every inhale
Till my voice is the only sound
your ears need to hear.

i would
rest my head on your breast
and listen
Enjoy the sweet tunes composed by
every noted word you harmonize

Tales of your life stories before they became entwined with mine
Narratives about your dreams
About who breaks your glassy heart
And what tickles your eye-ducts
into opening a flood of tears.

an inner world of wishes
she deserves beautiful things,
The Nubian Queen,
Sunflower Child.

~ New-Black-SoUl #NBS