Even this dried earth--
cracks of mahogany dirt
--softens in the rain.
Why is it so hard to love
someone again after tears?

Tap tap I close the app
Tap and swipe to reopen
hoping
to feel wanted
to feel liked
to feel desired

I watch the circle swirl in anticipation
(my WIFI is being a *****)
I lay in bed
hoping
to hear a notification
to feel a vibration
to see a speech bubble
but nothing
nothing

It's been too long I've relied on
the tap tap tapping, on
the anticipation of a
vibration of a
notification:
my desperate search for
an online speech bubble

This feeling of disconnectedness
in this heavily connected
community,
I hope to overcome someday

Tap tap
Shut down

Head shots like mug shot
selfies
Professing to the world their
desires to be seen like
gay barbie dolls

Green dots, I reply:
A collection of blue highlighted
selfies
of empty responses,
validating my
inadequacy

When I decided to accept
that I was gay and
cause a queer whirlwind into
the calm atmosphere that is my
family
I expected life to become easier

But as I venture into the world of
green dots and barbie selfies
I am reminded that
Gay
is not what stirred up
my hurricane of
Confusion
Insecurities
Inadequacies

It's all just me.