Even this dried earth--
cracks of mahogany dirt
--softens in the rain.
Why is it so hard to love
someone again after tears?

Head shots like mug shot
selfies
Professing to the world their
desires to be seen like
gay barbie dolls

Green dots, I reply:
A collection of blue highlighted
selfies
of empty responses,
validating my
inadequacy

When I decided to accept
that I was gay and
cause a queer whirlwind into
the calm atmosphere that is my
family
I expected life to become easier

But as I venture into the world of
green dots and barbie selfies
I am reminded that
Gay
is not what stirred up
my hurricane of
Confusion
Insecurities
Inadequacies

It's all just me.

Tap tap I close the app
Tap and swipe to reopen
hoping
to feel wanted
to feel liked
to feel desired

I watch the circle swirl in anticipation
(my WIFI is being a *****)
I lay in bed
hoping
to hear a notification
to feel a vibration
to see a speech bubble
but nothing
nothing

It's been too long I've relied on
the tap tap tapping, on
the anticipation of a
vibration of a
notification:
my desperate search for
an online speech bubble

This feeling of disconnectedness
in this heavily connected
community,
I hope to overcome someday

Tap tap
Shut down