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He is alone
in his house upon the cliffs,
his eyes far away.
He writes with his heart open.
He weeps with tears
as salty as the foam
crashing upon the cliffs.
The corners of his lips
don't turn up
like the corners of the pages.
His tears fall on the ink,
drowning his words.
For Ethan
Whenever someone
offers me a ride,
I always refuse, and
they are confused as to why.
They don’t hear the
screaming inside my head
or see blood-soaked
sheets on a hospital bed.
They never saw your
black and blue skin
or know that it’s killing me
somewhere deep within.
They don’t understand why
a wreck’s called a wreck.
After it happens,
you can never forget…
Sure, chances are
it won’t happen again.
But I can’t stop thinking it will,
so I won’t get in.
Besides, I don’t mind walking
home in the snow or rain,
No one can see that I’m crying;
it disguises all of this pain.
I’m too afraid
to die.
And far too sad
to live.
And the place
in between
life and death
is such
a lonely place
to exist.
But I am trying my best to live.
When I awoke
from nightmares
at three or four A.M.,
I’d reach out
my hand
and trace your jawline.
Soft enough
so that
I wouldn’t wake you.

Now,
when I awaken
from the night terrors,
there is nothing,
no one
there to trace.
Except my shadow
on the wall,
the lines
in the mattress
beneath the sheets,
the cold pillow in the
empty spot where you
used to sleep.

And then
I start to wish
that I could
go back
to the nightmare,
because
at least
you’re in them
sometimes…
The glow from your cigarette
emits just enough light
to cast a shadow and illuminate your eyes.
I'm legally blind, but not blind enough
to miss the tears you attempt to hide
as you inhale.
You don't think I can see,
so you smile and attempt to control
the tremor in your voice.
I pretend not to notice,

But I know that your
father made you
cry again.

You realize that I noticed,
and yet, you don't say a thing.
We both pretend I didn't see,
even though we're both bad at pretending.
The silence envelops us,
and we refuse to say anything.
We've always used unspoken excuses
as a barrier between us,
because we aren't brave enough,
because your problems are your problems,
and mine are mine.

But I know that your
father made you
cry again.

There isn't a good enough reason why.
We don't have to have one,
and we don't look for one either.
That's just the way it's always been,
and I don't expect it to change.
Even though it probably should,
we'll continue to pretend.
So I ask for a cigarette, and it
casts a shadow and illuminates my eyes,
that aren't really that blind,

Because I know that your
father made you
cry again.

And that won't change, no matter what we pretend.
This one was written sometime in 2006.
(c) J.E. DuPont
It's always the same
"How are you?"
But are the answers actually honest
Probably not
Ask the questions that matter
the ones that hurt
the ones that strike a feeling in the soul
"How did that scar get there?"
"Have you ever felt your life slip before your eyes?"
"Is a rock bottom a place you've been to?"
"Have you experienced love? What is it like?"
"Do you hurt or get hurt?"
"Is receiving or giving love more significant to you?"
"What does your past look like?"
"What moment were you most terrified at?"
"Do you know what it's like to have a broken heart?"
We're not here to beat
around the bush
Let's get in each other's minds
figure out why we hurt
where we've been
and what we had to go through to get here
 Dec 2014 Delicate Daisies
Tupelo
Oh how you make these civil wars rumble,
Inside the house we shared years ago,
Washing away the taste of you,
No chaser silenced the fire in my belly,
Smack my veins for an entrance,
Words slurred out of mouth,
Spiraling up, and away, in the cigarette smoke,
I've got too many prescriptions,
Sick from all the pill popping,
These sedatives repetitive,
And I am nothing but a graveyard
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