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  Jan 2017 Deeee
Pablo Neruda
I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine
Deeee Jan 2017
As the knife eases out of my body I feel relief. Painful relief. Relief I’ve never felt before. It’s terrifying. No pressure on the wound makes for profuse bleeding. I’m bleeding. It’s gushing out. Pouring onto everything I’ve ever known. It’s all red. All I see is red. Red soaked into all that is around me.
I black out.
The first thing I notice is that I’m still breathing. It’s unexpected. I thought I would be dead. I open my eyes. Slowly, i see light. It looks different. Maybe I am dead and I’m in heaven. Ha. Likely hell… I blink. I can see everything as it is, but it looks different. The light. It’s different. I sit up and it’s easier than I thought. “I’m definitely dead,” I think.
Where’s the pain?
The air is cleaner. The light is brighter. But i am not dead. I am alive. Breathing crystals and seeing rainbows. Tasting diamonds and holding silks. Heaven on earth.

I am alive.
I wrote this after  getting through a really hard time, and i felt like i could finally breathe again
I hope i feel this again soon ):
Deeee Jan 2017
The room is cloudy
His breath is heavy
His hands are strong
so strong

My skin takes in every electric pulse from his fingers
His lips line my jaw, his breath in my ear
Shock waves riding right along my every nerve

Just. Right. *There.
Deeee Jan 2017
baby
I miss calling you that.
I miss seeing you smile
I miss *making
you smile
But my hands are bleeding
And my soul is torn.
I miss me
I miss being able to make you smile

If I had to choose between you and me
If I could only have one of us...

because that's what it looks like

If I couldn't have an us


You & Me

OR

You  or  Me


*I guess I'll have to pick me
  Jan 2017 Deeee
L
You know;
the feeling when you know that everything's over
but still, it isn't..

And you know it isn't
but you keep reminding yourself that it is
so that you won't look so pathetic
But at the end of the day, still, it isn't..

At least for you, it isn't..

And you know,
Those random nights when you can't sleep,
And in your mind,
its like a movie of
happy and sad and angry moments of your life,
When it's suddenly hits you hard..

Just like;
why such happy moments
make you a saddest girl in the world right now?

And it just hurts,
Because you know,
You know, deeply in your heart..
It isn't over
- April 27, 2016
Deeee Nov 2016
My friend knocked on my door
I answered
He asked to come inside
I allowed
He sat at my table and sipped tea
As I sat across him and had my coffee
He told me he missed me, but the feeling was not mutual
He had been a good friend to me, however unusual
But the time of our friendship had reached an end
And I had learned to live without him since then
my friend Death, I value our friendship,
I said,
**but my dear Death, I think it's time you finished your tea
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