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I’ve lived
my entire life
believing that
Home is building
A place where you
get creative with all
your  fancy decorations
your fancy candle chandelier lightings
A place where I can cook
all my fancy gourmet meals
While watching my big fancy television
A place with my fancy four car garages
where I can park my fancy toys
Enter , live  and lock my fancy twelve foot doors
As I spent all my fancy earnings
Then with a snap of my fingers
one morning I got wised up
I realized I was wrong the entire time
Those fancy things aren’t what
truly makes a home at all
I was wrong
I was broke wrong
Home is the space in between
your heart
Home is wherever I’m with you
Home is wherever love
resides , memories are created
like Instagram photos filling up your heart
And where laughter never ends.
i always have
the urge to run.

but what is it like
to be a tree?

to be confident enough
to root yourself
and grow with
wild abandonment,
being unapologetically
you?

i'm still running,
but i wish i knew.
Sleep will never understand the tiredness of my soul.
If you can’t recall the past
You’re bound to repeat
If you don’t pick up the glass
You’ll cut your feet
Everyday questions
Aren’t too much to ask
Life’s many lessons
I keep coming back
I love to forget
And wander instead
I’ll wander into something
So much better one day
Please keep looking out for me
I promise in my heart I’ll always believe
These lessons they’re mine alone to keep
I can only hold onto positivity
 Aug 2018 Debanjana Saha
April
I had a guy that loved me unconditionally
he'd have moved any obstacle that got in my way

I had a guy that wanted the world for me
he'd have had the loudest voice in a crowd of cheers

I had a guy
he was mine, and I was his

then his days got shorter
& I got harder for him to see

by the end I was a figmant of his imagination
as he was of mine

I had a guy
but now all I have is myself
& I'm wondering how I'll ever let another guy in
 Aug 2018 Debanjana Saha
April
----
 Aug 2018 Debanjana Saha
April
July 29th 2001
I remember the sun was in an out
the same way people entered the house,
constantly, in an out,
next thing I remember is us getting our picture taken
standing beside each other,
respectively three and five.

Maybe at that point we didn't understand what was going on around us,
but I think in our own way,
we understood that things were changing,
that what we were used to,
would never be the same.

Now its July 29 2018
17 years has past,
we abandoned taking our picture together,
for whatever the reason, whether it's because we're older,
or more busier,
it doesn't matter.
Picture or no picture,
we both have adapted.
We don't have to stand next to one another,
to realize we're there for each other.
draft- this is a total mess, hopefully will edit soon
 Aug 2018 Debanjana Saha
April
you close the shades
and fail to speak

you let the shadows dance around you
but you never join in

you read the words of others
and never let your own flow

you will always make me smile
but you never lets yours' show

i think you've given up-

somewhere along the way
you decided- being alone is okay


and now I don't know how to get back in

I'm terrified,
maybe you don't want me in... ever again?
 Aug 2018 Debanjana Saha
April
one more step
two more breaths
three more praises
that's all it would take
then she'd really be free

but then he stood in front of her
that smirk already crossing his lips


even though she wanted freedom
his pull was strong
stronger than she could ever be

yet...he was letting her decide
she could still choose herself

but,
five steps backwards
four shaky breaths
three denial thoughts
that's all it took
for her to let him control her once again
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