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Fingernails claw at porcelain skin.
Furiously they scratch and scour.
Layer after layer I become unstuck.
Unravelled. Undone.
Picked at the seams.

I dig and I dig.
Hoping to find the piece of me you didn't like.
Or the piece of you in me that keeps me awake at night.

Nail on bone, I find ribcage.
I find the remnants of my incarcerated heart.
Too weak to set it free,
I leave it there, barely beating.
Helpless.
Some things should never be unearthed.
Some came in chains
Unrepentant but tired.
Too tired but to stumble.
Thinking and hating were finished
Thinking and fighting were finished
Retreating and hoping were finished.
Cures thus a long campaign,
Making death easy.
 Oct 2014 Dean Eastmond
bucky
there's blood on my hands, and
liquor on your tongue
this is what true love tastes like
****** in the pews
you are ash exhumed and i'm a lit match
cigarette firepower burning bodies in front of churches
crying holy, holy

are you scared yet?
stars in your eyes, in the palms of your hands
kissing the corpse road
breaths scraping against your ribcage on the way out
someone else's hands in your throat on the way down
crying holy, holy

i want fireproof lungs i want
flowers planted in my eyesockets
make me a garden like no other
oh god, oh god
im coughing up leaves and twigs and
grave markers

(you have a flair for the dramatic
used to hold up pictures of my bleeding gums and say,
you're so beautiful
am i beautiful now, sweetheart?are you?
can you face yourself in the mirror, sweetheart?)

stop it, stop screaming,
you aren't a holy verse
twenty dead roses on a empty coffin, and
four horsemen of the apocalypse, and
death at the bottom of a swimming pool
crying holy, holy
I can feel you suffering from anexity
Even though you smile like the sun just kissed your lips
While you read this poem
Let the words embrace your cold chest
Let them warm you up
Honey
You can't run forever
One day your feet will bleed
And you will lose your breath
#sun #smile #honey #lose #kiss #lips #gone #over
 Oct 2014 Dean Eastmond
X
Because she told me not to drink
She told me to stop drinking
So I didn't
Even if everybody pushed me to.

But then my mind flashed these things
that I can't ignore
I remember how
you didn't have to remind me
not to drink
and I said
'I won't drink.
I miss you.
I don't like it here.
I'd rather be with you.'


I remembered you
but still thought of her.

I wonder why
I still remember you
but choose to be with her.
Does it still hurt?... Yes, maybe.
In my mind I have fallen quite far
quite further than my mind once thought
So like Alice into
                             the
                                   rabbit
                                               hole
                                                       I go
Chasing what was once my shadow
But now it seems to have become my ghost
And how it haunts me these days
Laughing as it taunts me in endless shame
Yet hopelessly I
                            chase
                                      it
                                         down
                                                    further
Not becoming any closer
Just further away
Always just close enough
But to far away from



What Matters?
Sometimes we chase after the things we want and often find ourselves the furthest from what actually matters.
 Sep 2014 Dean Eastmond
bucky
you hated poems so much that you
became one, sweetheart
(tell me, does this suit your tastes?have i gone too far?)
i tried to write a love poem and it turned into a suicide note that doesnt belong to me
i guess you didnt find it romantic when i called you carrotseed,
when i pined so much that i turned my love into a grove of trees
you make comparisons between me and natural disasters like it's a habit you can't get rid of
but there's nothing natural about the way my heart beats when i see you
baby, your eyes have never looked better
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