inhale
barely living, surviving
day dreams of being hit driving
crying myself to sleep
doesn't work to count sheep
hating who i am
minds a broken dam
thoughts flooding inside
i just want to hide
i never want to wake
nothing to give or take
feeling done with it all
fist punching the wall
am i mad
or am i sad
i don't know anymore
my inside is sore
i can't be fixed
feelings so mixed

exhale.

I wonder if you ever think of me,
I wonder if sometimes I'm the only one you can see.
Maybe it's just plain fantasy
But, I wonder if we could ever be.
But it's not as good as you thought it would be
because all the shards are on the ground but you choose not to see.

But,darling, we're stepping on the shards.
And we love the pain.
It makes us feel alive.
It takes our minds off from the pain within.
But one day, you could take the pain no more.
You left right out the front door.

Now the shards still take away the inner pain with physical pain.
Just, not in the same way.

when i was 10,
my father said,
"i'll walk the aisle when you wed. "
when i was 12,
my father unfurled,
"you're dead to me if you like girls."
when i was 14,
my father cried,
"slit those wrists, say goodbye."
when i was 15,
my father did grieve,
"pick up your bags, i need you to leave."
now at 16,
my father is silent.
my home is too far,
my wrists are still violent.
my family is none,
my bones have grown weary.
life's closing my door;
deaths locking the windows,
im trapped in a shell
of homosexual innuendos.