When my old friend
Walks through the door
He's come a long way with me
Constant companion
My fiercest combatant
An old corollary
Of my ****** up existence
I simply take him
Close in my arms
And rest while weeping tales away
Waiting till he wanders off
And someday he'll be back again

I just wish
When my old friend revisits
I'm jolly stocked with hearty ale
And songs to sing of old and new

Returning a favor
I had once owed someone
Much more than all of this
More than all of me
Returning the favor
I had once seen far and wide
Feelings my spirit screamed for
Trembling
Overwhelmed

Innocuous as it seems
I have owed others too
They who turn the wheels
On this broken down station wagon
Crank it up
Or slow it down

I had once heard
Deeply, freely
Music that emerged
Cacophony unbalanced
But innocence immaculate
Returning the favor
As I return to where I was
Holiday's over

But as I return home
Something has changed
The sounds of musicals
Something has changed
Ineffable, invincible
I have owed a lot
I hope I've given enough

i do not love you
words are not in abundance
i am not drawn to you
like birds migrating to
warmer heavens
i felt something brief,
my breath was caught
by love's noose,
but stranger things happen,
i do not love you,
because to love you
would be to become you,
to capsize like a boat,
submerging into red seas,
i do not love in small measures,
to do so would be worse
than blasphemy,
i feel for you,
but i do not love you,
i do not search for your
face in crowds,
i do not love in honesty,
only lies pounding
hoofs on loves ground.
i cannot love you,
because the taste of it is
strange in my mouth,
an unwanted flavour,
like sand and dust,
in the midst of something
that should be sweet.
i do not love you,
or i cannot love at all.

He says I'm the kind of girl
Everyone falls in love with..
He shakes his head,
Says not everyone.
Starts to think
Why he wouldnt...
Our friends talk
"We'd be good together"
But he sizes me up
And shows nothing at all.
"You should get together
Make everyone happy"
Looks at me,across the room
Says, "the pressure"
"You'd have the most beautiful kids"
Then he says " you're too weird"

My thoughts form organically
Flowing paths like rivers
The easiest way is down
So down we go
Breath held
And eyes shut
This machine doesn't sleep
Chugging in spirals
blowing off steam
Red lines run through conscious minds
And walls are built around panic triggers
I'm always waiting...
Stave it off for a moment
While I catch my breath
Strive to deal chronologically
But sequences are only patterns
And those are fabrics of being
I am what I am
I've only started seeing..

I never understood why
When people let go
They let go completely.
But holding on
Is like cupping your hands
Trying to catch the light,
You only create
a darkness inside
And wind up
holding shadows instead..