Cutezeni

Cutezeni Mar 2023

No love song comes to mind
No poem brings a rhyme
When I think of you
It’s sunsets and coffee
and cold breeze and warm sweater and shorts and sweet toffee like
Your lips that failed to touch mine
Your hands intertwined with mine
Walking nowhere in mind
Having you beside
Is like turning my world upside
Down and about we go
In alleyways and car rides we flow
I only met you once but its like
I know you you were meant to be mine
But it’s fine if you leave
Don’t stay another day, just release
I shared a moment with you, it stopped the time
The world spinned but I stayed grounded
Held onto to the dunes
Tried to drown out the noise and listen to your words
They flow like tunes
I knew you were different but I don’t know why
It’s never been like this with another guy
Would like to see what you’re about
I bet it’s stardust of cosmos and magic and art
I’ll do my best to keep up and to restart in part
Looked at you with infatuation but there was a longing for belonging
Would you hold me one last time again before you leave for good?
I don’t want you to go but I think I understood
You don’t see me this way I hoped you would
I think i may be naive but I’m not a fool
Maybe a fool but not misunderstood
This sliver of hope at the beach
Is turning to be out of reach
And it would be sad to see you go
But wait and hold me one last time
When the time stops
And this poet fails to find a rhyme.

Seldom people want what you want and that’s a fact of life

#broken #poet

Cutezeni Mar 2023

Sad beginning

Before ever there being a beginning
I saw the end
You don’t like me
You don’t see me the way I see you
It’s fine I’ll go
I’ll take my love and flow
It hurts so I let the tears come
And they simply flow and flow..
Too fast I cast the net
But you weren’t the hunted
You pushed back and I felt the rejection
I’ll collect my lust and love and even the affection
And go away
These tears will guide me away
Away from the humiliation
Of the pain and this sadness
That’s amid suffocation and madness..

Cutezeni Feb 2023

Lost tribe

So it was
Once then never was
You left me and it hurt
Why did you choose to change so much?
We were best friends and sisters
You made it all about the misters
Finding time to keep you around
Why were you never around
When we broke bones and banks
I knew you were down hard
Broke down bikes and cars
And I turned scarred.

Seeing you after a year makes me wonder
Do you think of me too and ponder
Why things were left unsaid
Why we drifted away
Tried to forget you and found many other
But no one came to be so picture perfect as each other

You don’t even care you looked away
You ****** me off when things went grey
Contemplated many a times to message you
But remembered how you threw me away.
But pride came to play
And stayed more than half way

When I looked into your eyes
I saw hurt and pain but also crudest acclaim.
Why it never worked out I don’t know
Mistakes were made and both grew up
Careless nights to back road to and fro
Somehow we grew up and grew apart more.

Miss the memories but don’t forget the disrespect

#best #friend

Cutezeni Jan 2023

Privilege

I just don’t feel like an equal
“Life’s not meant to be equal”, you say
then what is it?
I don’t feel above people either..
I don’t feel good in my skin either

“What’s in a name?”, you say
I say it’s everything
It puts me in a box without ever giving any opinions
Gives me privilege and takes it away
Burns down the bridge of equality that’s left to stay

What’s in the gender?
Nowadays people mix and match
Men wear makeup and women wear slacks
Men wear their hair down and women move in a buzz
Idk what the fuss is about?

“You think too much” you say
“You’re young and fine and attractive” you say
It’s not that deep that comedian is mad
He’s just trying to pay his rent
His jokes are just sad

But if things stirred the ***
And brought
About a feeling of resentment
In caste and name and female and the lack of
Privilege as they claim
Know that money talks
In all it’s fame

That you don’t need to earn respect
you have it tailor made
That you don’t need equality
Money can tower the gap of wealth and fortune and fame

But I claim:
Life’s not fair when you’re a female brown minority in a hateful society
Where it’s all about the name
Check your privilege, check your privilege as they suppose
I don’t have any I begrudgingly oppose

He triggered me and reminded me of my position
He meant no offence but I’m reminded of my face
That has no place in this society
Just a pretty girl
Wow so light her skin
So pretty her features
Until they know my name.

#poetry #privilege #female

Cutezeni Jan 2023

Other woman

I look at the screen and see this perfect bride,
she is his ride or die, she is his wife. He loves her yet gives me the side eye,
I don’t know why I think she’s the other guy? I want love and security,
I want independence and non-codependency.
I want trinkets and tchotchkes but not a ring on the finger,
yes a finger but not that kind of finger,
I am not ready and he isn’t the one,
will I ever be the other woman looking in at the other one?

She struts away up and down,
gives me this glare while she drops a timid hand on her hubby,
possessing him and making him be her property,
smirks at satisfaction with the way my face is painted,
she doesn’t see it,
but love’s not a competition.
I don’t love him, nor do I lust,
he is just eye candy that I like to **** with my eyes,
he isn’t my type of guy.

Jealousy is funny cause I was where she stood.
Told him to block her and remove her as he should.
But I didn’t get it then and she doesn’t get it now,
if he’s looking at me,
she’s the other woman now.
Cause she is ‘othered’ by him,
she is replaced as the apple of his eye by me in his vision,
it is a revision.

Competing with me will do you no good,
cause I’m a class apart, a classy bossy b
and you just live in the neighbourhood.
I have visions and goal and options, you just him to be understood.
You chose to settle it’s not my fault,
you’re average at best,
it’s what I can recall.

We don’t even live in the same dimension,
you’re looking at me, but I’m looking at you and laughing
how you’re so green with envy,
I didn’t even speak to him even then you still think,
that I will steal him from you,
whoever you think are you two?
I got a better life to live than live in jealousy,
bless your heart but you’re not my enemy.
I am the only woman in this world, none of you ******* are in my caliber,
go cry to your daddy,
cause you are not me, you’re not an Insta baddie x.

Siri play 'better than me' by Doja Cat

#love #poetry #baddie #woman #petty

Cutezeni Dec 2022

Sophie's Plight

So what we live space apart
We got our love in spades depart
Love him I do maybe so it could be true
I only refuse to say it straight
cause he doesn’t say it too
It’s hard to gauge his thoughts and feelings
When mine are blurry too
It’s hard to know true love
When distractions are varied new.

Yet, I believe in our love,
It’s not lust it’s trust
In us, and on him
I do believe he means well
When he refers to his sins
Of his past and his candour
I don’t think he likes to meander
In lies and half truths but facts he tells
Things were complicated back then.

Insecurity is the root of unhappiness
He doesn’t believe in holding on to tackiness
I told him stop holding on to the past so tight
Make way for future and present in sight
He told me he has moved on,
he doesn’t give it mind
But holds on to techotcke and trinkets and trophies
Messages and muses and Sophies in mind

Distance helps the heart grow fonder
Yet I stay up all night and wonder
Where I stand in this whirlpool of thunder
Where is his heart if not next to mine?
Where are his feelings if not completely merged with mine?
He says it’s the distance that’s blurring his sight
He wants me but can’t do much
He is right in hindsight.

With trust comes baggage of responsibility
With love comes feelings of banality
The same old routine of trust and fall
The same unoriginality.
Need to break this cycle this time
Need to thrive not survive
Need to grow into a new you
Need to see things from a different view.
Only then can we stop this fight,
Only then can we move past this Sophie’s plight.

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#love #pain #lust #poetry

Cutezeni Nov 2022

star crossed

You are the sun to my moon
You are the day to my noon
You bring out this side of me
That is away and never beside me
I start to see you rise
I start to bring you light
Why if we are so perfect
We live on opposite sides?
You’re the west to my east
Fall to my rise
I wish I had more than the twilight lights
To hold you in my arms all night.
See the twinkling stars in a gaze
Leave you with much more than the chase
Of after morning glory
Wish we forever stayed
In a state of smiling haze.

you knew what I didn't

#lover #kingpin #cult #vibe