I write poetry to pass the time,
Seeking solace in a silly rhyme.
Reminds me how alone I am,
And how no one really gives a ****.

Looking for therapy,
I find an ease momentarily.
Hoping for peace to put things on paper instead,
Except I realize they're still in my head.

Nagging and gnawing, the words won't retreat.
My thoughts are a burden,
Slowly killing me.

I think to be thoughtful
I speak to be heard
I write to decipher
The truth in my words.

I smiled to ensnare you
I laughed to secure
You slipped through the trap
That I built to procure

I kissed to consume you
I hugged to enfold
My arms close on nothing
You're no where to hold

I writhed to entrance you
I clutched you to keep*
Now the place where I hold you
Resides in my dreams.

I write so you'll read this
My hand pens the truth
All that I've written,
I've written for you.

Unclasp your fingers
Your clenched fists
And know the release of
Giving in

Let him drift away
Let the ocean stand between you
As a testament
To the vast expanse
That exists there now.

Stop fighting the waves.
Stop braving the icy waters
Arm over arm
To reach him on the other side.

The water will always win.
And you never were much of a swimmer.
He's just a distant island now
Shrouded in fog
Somewhere over the horizon.

Rest now,
The fight is over.
Your mangled, frantic heart
Can slow
And begin another tempo
When it's no longer bleeding over
An unreachable coastline.

i can feel you, you know,
lodged in there.
your weight is throwing me off balance,
is there nowhere else you can be?
my shadow is
heavy
with you.
look how it's hunching its shoulders.

maybe I could smoke you out
as I walk
through the park, cigarette in hand.
leave you caught in the branches
waiting in the dew for
some other poor soul,
some other poor fool

i could lock you out, shove you back to
where it's black and
dead.
cut off save the window
i leave open
in case
you get cold at
night

what do you think?

careful now,
you always were vicious.
your bite amatory
careful now, not so deep
if it runs too quick
i can't get it all down

my hands are shaking
so i've smudged it
here and there
but look how the words shine red.

some day you'll meet a boy who will love you as i do and that love will scorch the breath from your lungs and bring you to your knees.

his love will tear at your breast and dare the cold to touch the skin that he has claimed.

his love will be a fierce thing.

it will scream with bared teeth and red rimmed eyes, as storms are wont to do when trapped inside something so small as a heart.

we muted our feelings
and hung
in the awkward
quiet
in the pause, the stillness of a love
meant to flow

these times
only measured
the gap, the distance
between you and i

there were moments
however
we'd sink down
together
meet at the place
the pivotal spot where
beginning and end
inlock
entwined in embrace

my dreams as my life
my life as my dreams

the birth, the first
heartbeat
the reason
the breath

ecstasy and pain don't sound
here
they exist
locked down
smaller than a needle's point
larger than this world

locked down
together
you and i
the home found in one another
the source, the all
the truth
in our silence.

the moonlight is caught
on the iced-over snow, on the satellites
and metallic edges of the roof.
i shiver and
smoke my last cigarette of the night
it tastes very good breathing in the frigid air
better compared to those words i was forced to inhale downstairs.
screaming sounds, the two of us in an awful row.
but on the roof, in the cold,
with the fresh textured wind,
i could think straight.
i knew it was better to have you like this
than not at all.

we are two things boiled in love and
tempered.
yours, sparky and quick
mine, swollen and infected
but i let mine and myself deflate because tomorrow is new
and i will probably
jump into your arms
as i did yesterday and the day before

i spend
another moment here
calm and alright
the smoothness of the satin night
slipping through
me
sweeping the mess out of sight
with its beauty,
its forgiving might.
and i know, even in this now,
you and i
we are greater than tonight.