I'm trying to move forward
Trying to build a life for myself
You know, the one that everyone seems to be striving for
We may not all want the same white picket fence or number of children but I'd be ****** if somebody told me that they didn't want the roof over their head to feel like home.
Some people say that home is not a place but a feeling
I don't know what they're talking about
I wonder if this is why I always feel lost
Why, whenever I go home, I feel misplaced. Like an oversized puzzle piece in the wrong box.
I am trying to fit in but it is clear that I don't belong
I am trying to move forward, trying to build a life for myself, but I have come to realize that I have been filling this void with material possessions
I have so many nice things in my house, that for a while I even had myself fooled
You cannot buy that feeling, but maybe it can be mended. 
When I look around me, I see that most people have the sense of home weaved into their foundation.
Some things cannot be built from scratch.
I had to take the good with the bad, despite wanting to leave them both behind.
I went home the other day, and by home I mean hell, and by hell I mean Phoenix, but it might as well be hell because that scorching city holds all of my demons.
I drove to my childhood home
To my surprise it was still standing.
I could have swore that the foundation would have given way by now, and that I would have to sift through the rubble just to find what I was looking for.
I glared at this house in disgust, as if it were a monster that swallowed my happiness.
As I was about to drive away, a woman walked out with two little girls in sun dresses. They were racing to the car, I couldn't make out their words but their smiles and laughter hit me like a brick.
I drove away and everything began to make sense.
Home is not a place, home is a feeling.

in another universe  
It's summer
Your laugh still sounds the same
and your smile is still contagious
Your favorite color is still orange
the smell of rain floods into the room
we are tangled up together
we share stories
You promise to be mine forever

in this universe
It's winter
a boy in my class has a laugh that reminds me of yours
I stopped sitting by him
I see your smile in your pictures with her
Remember when I told you my favorite color was purple?
It's not anymore  
I'm sure yours still isn't orange
It's cold all the time now
It doesn't smell like rain
I'm laying alone in the blanket you bought me
I didn't know forever only lasted 3 years

Dear love,
Bear with me. My soul has been to hell and back. My brain is clouded by the sting of the pain. I want to love and feel. But all that I am is hate. My soul is broken but I attempt to light a candle and build a sun anyways. Yet the chill of the wind whisks it away. I can not tell you what's worse, I am either drowning in the ocean or starving in the desert. There is no in between. I am fighting a loosing battle and can not see the end of the tunnel.
Dear love, bear with me.

People say that blood is thicker than water.
That the family you are born into should always come before friends.
Because friends will come and go, just like the tide, but I will never stop loving the ocean. The waves that crash onto my feet may be composed of different drops of water, and when they decend I can't even be certain the sames drops will return, but I do know that those bodies of water kept me afloat even when my blood turned to lead.
My blood stream has never been pure, I started injesting poison by the time I was 4 years old. The empty viles remind me of just how thick my blood has been, so thick that it almost stopped coursing through my veins.
It wasn't until I took a leap into the water that I was able to wash away the pain.
People may say that blood is thicker than water, but I say that without water, no one can survive.

I care, too much, about people who always care too little
I accept more than I can take and I’m running out of fuel
They say your body is a temple, but all I seem to do is dismantle myself and give away the pieces.
I have ripped my own soul apart in attempts to mend the souls of others
I am broken, and I only have myself to blame.
I wanted to love everybody
I wanted everybody to love themselves
And I never stopped to wonder if I fully loved myself.