I tried to lose you
when his laugh sounded like yours
and my mind pictured your face on his
I closed my eyes
And submerged my body under the water
To wash you clean off of me
Here, all the earths’ sounds disappeared
Here, I could no longer see
But you, you were still there
The sound of your voice and the image of your face
Washed over me like the water I was beneath
I tried to lose you
but I’m drowning
Drowning in the memory of you

all I know is I no longer remember what it feels like to not miss you

You stopped showing up in my dreams more and more each day
so I stopped wearing makeup when I went to bed
I no longer woke up on my side of the bed
instead I started carelessly waking up on yours without hesitation
my heart stopped skipping a beat every time the door bell went off, or the phone rang in hopes that it might be you
the songs that we use to sing along together soon lost their meaning and became just songs to me
I stopped talking about it
I stopped saying your name more than my own everyday
I went back to all the places we use to go
I ate all the food we use to eat again
I kissed other boys
and I danced until my feet hurt and the room was spinning

but just because you're no longer here, and I don't talk about it, think about it, or even miss you anymore
doesn't mean that you didn't take a part of me when you slammed the front door shut
it doesn't mean that I have laughed or smiled the same since you told me you didn't love me anymore
and it doesn't mean that I don't feel my heart break all over agin when I see you with her

because you were a wound
and time is a bandaid that has healed me
but you have forever left a scar that no amount of time or other temporary bandages could ever heal

I am happy that you found happiness with someone else


I just wish that I could have been the one that found it first.

if memories could **** I would already be dead
because the sound of your voice and the pressure of your touch live like knifes inside my head

so what will you say when they find me dead on the ground?
clenching a map with your heart on it scratched in my blood while my voice is not even making a sound

will you turn yourself in for murdering our love and killing me?
or will i forever pay the price while you get to hold her hand and walk the earth free

while I take my last and final breath I will never understand how easy it was for you to walk away
but how easy it was for every word and every touch and every memory to always stay

if memories could **** I would already be dead
because the sound of your voice and the pressure of your touch live like knifes inside my head

I carved you into my arms
and watched my blood pour in your name
I painted you into every picture
and wrote you into every song
I died my hair every color
and bathed my self in pure gold
I drowned as you walked across my back
so you could create the illusion of walking on water
an illusion to others that you were perfect
I let the taste of another girls mouth from your lips run down my throat like poison
but turned a blind eye and still returned to you the next night
and the next night
and the next night

you could never see me and my love
but you could always see everyone else