All my life
I have felt out of place
Like a wild hawk trapped in a locked room
In a chained cage that is labeled "songbird"

The cage is my body, trapping me in
That label is the pronouns, the labels they slap on me
The locks on the door and the chain on the cage are the expectations
The expectations to fit into a box, even though I would never fit
Though my bones may break and my flesh may tear,
I would never belong in that box

Being called “ladies” in the hallways
Getting that feeling of being misplaced
People seeing you not for who you really are,
But who they think you are

Why are those actions
Those clothes, shoes and colors
Put into a box that’s associated with gender?
Why am I put in a box because of my clothes, actions, and expression?

Cause dresses are just pieces of cloth
Makeup is just colored powder that you put on your face
And heels are just shoes that make you feel tall

Why does femininity have to be associated
With being a lady or a girl or females?
Can’t femininity just be available to all?

Where is home? Where is the place that I belong?
I stare into the mirror and see someone else
Long hair, makeup, wearing a dress
Why is my reflection a stranger?
Why isn't the place where my soul dwells
not a place I can call home?

Where is the place that I can go
when I need someone to rely on?
Where is the place where someone understands?
Where is the place where I don't have to hide?
A place where I can let my guard down,
and break the walls that surround my heart

When can I spread my wings?
When will I arrive
To a place where I can finally see myself  in each mirror I turn to
To a place where I belong?
To a place where I can call home?

I know the fight to get home
Is a long and hard one,
full of pain and sorrow
Full of tears and bitterness
Though I am in a dark tunnel now
I can see the light, at the end of the darkness
a place where I can truly be me
A place where no one stops and stares
and asks me what is wrong with me
A place where no one looks at me strangely
A place where I don't have to be scared

It's not my time to spread my wings yet
But when I do, I will touch the sky and be at the peak of my life
and finally...
be surrounded by people I can truly call a family
A place full of love
A place where I can truly be me
To a place I call home

My eyes were blind
My heart was numb
My brain did not think the right things

I tried to fly but I always fell
I tried to sing but my voice was covered
I was fed lies
Lies so that I can hold
Scissors to cut the wings
of another human being

Pretty soon I emerged out of my cocoon
The place that I thought was safe
Pretty soon I realized
That I have grown wings too
One wing pink purple and blue
Another one Black gray white and purple
Together they make the most beautiful rainbow
My identity
It is time to spread my wings and fly
It is time to lift other people up
It is time to help others spread their wings
So that they can be beautiful butterflies too
And emerge from their shells of hiding
Emerge with wings...

for all of my life,
i've been told that i would be going to hell,
that i'm destroying god's creation,
that god hates me.

the same god that is supposed to be all-loving.

then you have the audacity to ask,
'why aren't you a christian?'

it's not that i hate religion,
i just can't support one that has dehumanized queer people
for hundreds of years.