(2/16/12)

The loss of a child no matter what age
Doesn’t seem to ease the pain.
Whether it be one day or a lifetime of memories
In your heart they’ll always be.

How do you stop a parent from feeling the pain
Their life has changed and will never be the same.
Their child s face will always stay in their mind
Remembering of things and times gone by.

The emptiness that you feel in your heart
Is a feeling that will never part.
It’s as if a finger or a hand has been taken away
And you try to adjust and can’t find the way.

It’s like one minute you can see and the next
Minute you’ve gone blind, and there is
Nothing that you can find.

You wander helplessly in a deep fog
Not knowing where you’re going
Or where you’ve been, and your
screaming and cursing is a downright sin.

God had plans for your child you see
And this is the way that it has to be.
Your child was chosen because there
Is a job that must be done
And god felt he/ she was the perfect one.

The pains you feel while here on earth
Is nothing compared to when you see
Your child s new birth.

We hurt
Sometimes life
Can seem like it
Doesn't make sense
It can feel
Like we hurt
We are in pain
Life can hit us hard
When we least expect it
Its tough to lose a child
Its a hurt
And a pain
That too many mothers
Have had to feel
Wondering
What they might have
Done different
Might it have made
A difference
Ultimately
Even through
The hurt
Even through
The turmoil
And the crying
And the pain
And the doubt
Sometimes
It takes seeing
The bigger picture
To truly see the plan
Being able
To feel the pain
Being present in the pain
That loss can bring
But also being able
To let it go
Releasing the hurt
And the pain
And the confusion
And understanding
There is always a plan
Even though you may wonder
If it is God's way of punishing you
Or even God's joke
There is always a plan
Their souls were ready
It was their time
While you
Still have time
Here on Earth
But they will always
Be watching
Always still be with you
In your heart
As long as you
Remember them
And when
Its your time
To return
Your hearts will join
You will meet again
No one ever truly leaves
We are always still here
Waiting to return home
When we are called
So don't fear
Even though it might
Hurt for a little while
Take comfort in the fact
That they have simply
Returned home

I finally understand despair
When there is nothing left to do
Except to hurt yourself
I finally understand anger
When there is no calm
Except when you hurt someone else
I finally understand pathos
When I have to reach you
Because I can no longer reach myself
I finally understand depression
When I can reach no one
Because they are somewhere else

I cannot understand happiness
When I am not happy
Because I have rejected myself
I cannot understand contentment
When I am so uninspired
And need to be like someone else
I cannot understand a smile
When I am so lost
Because it does not come from myself
I cannot understand your approval
When I am restless
And want it from someone else

How can I live
When my life is upside down
And the sun is harmful to myself
How can I sleep
When the night is all I have
But it belongs to someone else
How can I love you
When soon I will leave
So I can ****** someone else
How can I exist
When there is no answer
Even when I only question myself

How can I understand
When I cannot live
Unless I am happy with myself
How can I live
When I am unhappy
Because there is nothing else
How can you help me
When I am in need
When I can’t help myself
How can I help you
When I can’t understand
How to love someone else

How can I cope
When I am controlled
And cannot be myself
How can I remain in control
When I am shackled
By someone else
How can I resist
When to resist is to die
Because I am not in control of myself
How can I die
When to live is all I have
Because I am needed by someone else

I must understand hope
Because I need to believe
In something more than myself
I must understand tomorrow
Because today is yesterday
When I was someone else
I must understand how to wait
For something to believe
Because I need to believe in myself
I must understand how to be strong
When that is all I can do
Because of the belief of someone else*



"All Rights Reserved. Copyright 2011. Mark Lecuona."

Some people say that true love does not exist. It's funny cause I used to be that exact person. With having to deal with such agony of a loss of my own mother at a young age, reality became a part of my world. Love though, was never evident to me. Never clear, nor around. Hope was lost along with faith. How could I ever turn to bringing myself alive with feelings only someone else could give me?

It happened.

Struck me through many faults, and times of confusion.. I found myself to be fascinated and utterly taken by someone else life. It just gathers your feelings and throws them into a well that you will never get back. I fell deeply, madly, continuously, in-love.  But this was a love that had no way to be described or defined. This love to me became more than a feeling it was a sense of living, and to be without it would be impossible, heart-wrecking. It became my persuasion at life.My hope for a future, and my inspiration for believing in greater things. You did this to my heart . You filled my vains with something other than blood, but yet a poision that only you could make. Your love. Your taste.Your sound, smile, your looks, and just the way you walked in room making it seem so alive, i was captivated.

Love is so wrecking, and is so STRONG. It is something that should not be messed with . People ask me all the time.. how could you be inlove your so young... you have a whole world to meet...there are bigger things than this. What does that matter. No age, no number, no disease or death could determine such love that is unconditional. You see, its not forced.. its just there. Its as if you blink for a second and your whole world is changed. you feel as if theres a glass over your eyes and you know longer just live for yourself. You live to protect, to hold, to cherish, and to provide whoever that special someone may be with every part of your soul .

You mean the world and beyond to me. You mean such beautiful dreams to me. You soul brings me down to feel all the gravities of love. Your bright,your sunny, your breath taking in every cliche way their is in a sense of being mine and only mine.

Life brings us these mysteries, and obstacles that we must overcome to be strong and better than we could ever imagine being. Sometimes things happen that we may not even have the mind to control or explain, but to work over. You have always been my strength, and my biggest weakness but will never be any sense of failure to me. We must be braver to be brave, to feel extreme, and to experience the true meanings beneath compassion, and loyalty, and security. Once a love so strong, that a love must be stronger. You are my one and only . My fairytale that has no end . Your my storybook, and although i may be hurt , i trust in your heart that you will replenshish this love  and vision how our lives intertwine for such powerful reasons. We've had a love that cannot die nor burn out. So believe me , i will never stop loving you now , then , and after that. True love exists in the eyes of the beholder, and i am a victim of something so moving that no pull could break my longing for your touch.

I love you , I need you and I only pray for your heart. never give up.

-Jl