I stand alone
When the gloom of dilemma suffocates me

I'm not heading in the wrong direction
As it has been my passion
And I'm going to my cherished destination

But I stand alone
When I need a hand to cover the distance

What tomorrow unfolds will be in my palms
Still I stand alone
Still I stand alone

Feet poised and legs steady
I can feel the fibers of a tightrope beneath.
I can hear water,
As waves of anxiety splash against jagged walls,
Echoing up from under me.
Sometimes I wonder if the water is rising
But thoughts like that will **** my focus.

It happens sometimes,
Where my knees shift and
Buckle beneath me,
Rope burn ripping across my bare skin,
My hands searing as I grasp this thin lifeline.

By the power of luck and determination
I raise and right myself again.
My muscles are tingling and I beg them to still.

I know this doesn't feel like safety
But
At least I'm out of the depths.
The depths of erratic emotions.
The depths of pain.
This sea of fear flows ruthlessly.

She will consume me with no hesitation
Inhaling me deeply
Where, within her,
I am blind and
The only sounds are
Raging train cars,
Eradicating all else.

Up here I am not safe
But I know I am stable
So long as I am focused,
Deliberate in my movements,
and
Mindful of my thoughts.

Above,
The sky is unapologetically blue,
Reflecting back a childlike innocence
That lives somewhere inside that sea.
The air is gentle and calm,
Holding space for peace within my lungs.

One day I will learn to float
Because
Some days I can hover,
Just above the ragged twine,
Embraced by a limitless sky.

I am weightless and without fear
For those moments, I am painless
In those moments, life is breathtaking
And while I would love to always feel free
I know, right now,
Balance is all that I need

Between the teeth of monster's
grinde the bone and flesh of
forgotten dreams.

As nightmares wake to shadow
and fear, my mind sail's the
oceans chasma deeply driven
by futures pull.

Reality forever leeps forward
into the depths of colliding
waves of experience.

Upon the rim I ride, I tip
slowly into the center of
lucid dreams like a dancer
dancing with its shadow.

These monsters that I create,
grimly I took a leep.

With a mouth full of inky grit
I spit my passion for expression
as poetry leeps onto the pages.

©️ 2021 By Amanda Shelton