I've made mistakes,
More than I care to remember,

I'm the only one
That I can blame,
I began making them
The year that I was born--43 years ago
In December.

My intentions,
Where always, to do good,
But somehow it always backfired,

Someone always got hurt -
Usually me!
I think it's the way
That I was built and wired.

God knows how hard I always tried,
But I never could get it right,

Selfish people's darkness
would always drown my sunshine
and steal my daylight.

I never wanted to hurt a soul,
But I only had two choices:
Make someone else happy--and be miserable!

Or,

Make choices,
So that I may be happy--and become invisible!

I was never a bad person - On the contrary,
I was too good!

The biggest mistake I ever made,
Was not doing what I wanted -
What I knew, I should.

The moral of this little story
Is quite simple to understand...

Be a kind, good-natured human,
But don't live your life on demand!

I would love to say
That I have no regrets,

But I can't lie to anyone,
Or to myself;
You see, my heart...
It never, ever, forgets.

~ I'm slowly learning how to forgive myself
for not getting everything right,

I've had help from my precious children,
And from my man...
'Cause, having them, means...
That I got the most important part right!

By Lady R.F ©2016

Well I guess we all have
our own versions of the truth
Our own little realities
Mine separate from you

When I say that I'm alright
And you know that's not true
When my smile, its so fake
And I can't hide it from you

So maybe I'm living in an illusion,
Or maybe this is all just a dream.
I don't want you to see my life
how it really is.
You mean too much to me

You barely scratched the surface
of my whole life story
And to tell the truth
I don't want you to know,
Just think that my life's boring

It's better for you
and better for me
If you keep living in this illusion
Because we only see what we want to see
And you don't need to see these scars...
They hide too much of the truth
The truth I myself hide from.

And I hope you'll never have to find
The ugly truth that I call my life
I'll keep it all buried in time
In this pain, in this strife.

I'm trying to hold on
To this little sliver of a lie
that holds the broken pieces of my reality,
Telling myself I'll be alright...
That this pain is just an illusion
And in truth I'll be fine.

But I was never good at lying
And I'm just doing this for you.

Because you're
safe
in your own little
reality
As long as its
Far
from my own little
truth.

Kaleidoscope vision
In a merry-go-round,
Carousel-like underworld,

Roller coaster experiences
In a haunted house,
Within an amusement park -
  Feeling nauseous - overwhelmed -
Dizzily swirled.

Out of breath,
On the ground--curled,

Deep
Down
In the
Netherworld.

Bumper cars on chase,
Crashing into me,

Nightmares, whilst wide awake,
Is what I regularly see.

Curious, scary clown faces
With open mouths,
Staring at me - following me - taunting me - Constantly,

This is what living with Anxiety
Feels like;
A freak show carnival
Taking place,
Inside,
And
Outside,
Of me.

~ Anxiety:
A repetitive nightmare!
A living Hell!
One, that I know, all too well!

By Lady R.F ©2016