They bring with them the baggage of men
the lost children attempting pathetically
to recreate the aura of time long gone.

If you discount the roughness of skin
travel past the thick hedge of beard
penetrate the silt on the eroded eyes
you can delayer the hardened coats
and get to see  faces barely recognizable.

Some were once too close to be missed
their names and all
but most you could hardly recall
and it agonizes your thought
were they in the same class or not.

You smile till your jaws ache
fetching stories from the blue
dazzlingly colored and half true
for they are all in the mood
to joyfully succumb to falsehood.

You could tell from the body language
who's  in the backburner
and who on the front page.

Forty years break and make men
but they feign happiness
to be united again.

A questionable son
the one
who chose auto repair
and serial monogamy
finds the golden road
to Washington, D.C. respectability

What does his father do?
He buys him a briefcase

And everything followed
and flowed
from that mineral moment

A career
a wife, in time
a briefcase never used
but full of good wishes
murmurs
and marching orders

The road ahead
seemed wide open
stretching west
into a golden glow
and open it was
purged of hindrance
by the workings of time

So here am I
that golden road
now behind me

Life seems a sand castle
on a castle of sand
with the tide pouring in

It is that last ember
glowing as the fire
goes dark

Tomorrow and tomorrow
beckon from a fabled future
they bid me adieu

I can smell the scent
of decay in this
warm summer's wind
kiss the sweetness of it
on my lips

I do not part willingly
hold out my hand
for every shred of
summer's light

But at the end of it
pack my poor bag
and make a crow's march
home
where I belong

where are those words inside my mind so hidden
urgent and sublime
those words I had so fervent heard had memorized
just an hour prior
and where  by chance did I put my keys
I had them here just a minute ago
who is this person in the mirror
I can't recall that drooping face
what might have happened near or scene
in the last ten years I been sleeping
here just watching MTV

I
I loved you whole heartedly once
Under your bedsheets under the silence
Or any place covered in darkness
Where no one could see the way
Your flesh melded into​ mine
I suffered a year drowning in grief
You lived a life never committing
We met by chance and latched on
I loved how free your memories were
How wild your plans could be
I loved the life i found in your eyes
I enjoyed the rasp in your voice
Heavy with love, heavy with lust

                          II
I loved how you helped me heal once
Never had I loved in others
The parts I loved in you
You joked that you were my first
I'll never forget your bucket list
Give birth to life, love intensely,
Save a life, kiss a ******
You said you'd name your first child
Washington, where your heart belonged
You had fond childhood memories there
I remember making similar plans
Before life made its own plans for me
My thoughts were lingering on him
We argued about that some times
Screaming with lust, screaming in anger

                          III
I didn't know how to love you once
I was full of tantalizing words
Sizzling on the tip of my tongue
Waiting to tell you how I felt
But his name was the only thing
That could escape from my lips
You'd shout and cry and break things
You said my heart was an enigmas
Full of love for things that didn't exist
Full of love for people that no longer lived
I loved him imensely, I loved you intensely

                        IV
I love how you moved on once
You deserved better than to be
Someone's ***** little secret
You were anything but that to me
I didn't want you to fight ghosts
Because of my inability to let go
It was better off that way
Your mother called me one day
Five years after you walked away
I wore your favorite color as asked
Finally met your family years too late
I'm sure you checked off every item
From your bucket list right before
Your brother handed me your baby
He weeped as he told me that
She was named after where
Your heart really belonged
She carries your love, she carries my name

Lately I've been feeling
very tired,
condemned to the coarse shouts
curses, and vile bitterness
of the people around me

I feel
so utterly wronged,
and misunderstood,
having to question the sky
over and over again,

how did a simple thing,
come to such terms
in a complicated world

Every move,
every word, every
expression of life
is judged and
grudges,
are as common as
love should be.

I find myself
trapped in endless seconds,
hours, days, years
performing the same acts
over and over again,
living the same regrets

while managing to grasp onto
the despair over
a time glass whose sands
are rushing against my will,
leading to a sad,
forgotten, fate

I can not find anything
to express joy and gratitude
of the person I am,
for it is because of who I am
the world is so intent
on bringing me down,

All I can do
when I run out of breath
to fight,
is to ask
for forgiveness,

in losing to
somebody else's will.