this cant be it
this cant be my life
surrounded by red bubbles and C- on all my papers
some math teacher checking out their high school students
some even falling for it because they think its love
"he only treats me like that in bed" turns into
"he only hits me when hes drunk"
this cant be all that I'm living for
this cant be my life
trading secrets and rumors trying to be one of the "cool kids"
smoking some 5$ **** i bought from my principle until my eyes can only see the blurred lines of my sexuality that I am not supposed to question
My brain thinks of my body image like its crack,
My body covered of stretch marks and bad tan lines,
this cant be the way its supposed to be
this cant be my life
id rather be hit by a car than go to school, and I'd bet I'm not the only student that thinks about killing themselves so they dont have to do homework or get called on in class
This cant be my life
This cant be your life
And this cant be our life
But that's how it is, and it wont ever change.

i just came to the realization that every one around me will one day die..
so i mean whats the point right?
how i see it, is that 3 people will truly notice me when im gone:
my mom
my dad
Kiya

My mom because, well to be blunt because i came out of her, and because shes supposed to care shes supposed to know when i have tears running out of my eyes, when i dont feel like living, shes supposed to notice my bad days, when i say 'oh, i just have a headache' shes supposed to notice.
why doesn't she notice... i just want her to notice

My dad because he helped create me, and he fees guilty for beating on me and my brother and cheating on my mom, like a new phone will fix his past mistakes, he will probably think its his fault, because he wasn't there to tell me what a beautiful daughter i am like every statistic says. he'll probably **** himself too, because hes a coward, cheaters always are.

and lastly Kiya
shell feel sad and go into a bigger depression she already is because her mom passed away about two years now, and shell most likely be on her phone at my funeral because thats all she does when shes around me, the most conversation she has with me is over the phone anyways, shell probably text me when im dead to just try and keep the conversation going, shell say 'today i ****** Anna again and i feel weird about it...' and go on because thats ill i hear from her and im ******* sick of it.
thats why im killing myself, because all this ****. is amazingly not worth any of this heartbreak i feel everyday in my sad little pathetic 15 year old teenage life.

Burn.
Step onto the embers of my
Secret weaknesses and
Impersonate the
Sword of Michael.

This longing for Valhalla
Won't see me alive much
Longer.
Take me to the nearest battle.
Let me die slaying a terrorist

Or intending ******.
Or should I pray to gods of a more
Peaceful nature than
Odin?
Love and let live.

Nah, this is in my Norwegian
Bones.
I'll die wielding blade.
I'll die laughing, opened up and
Spilling.

I'll "not go gentle into that good
Night."
So burn.
Be bonfire to my innermost of
Darknesses.

There are shadows there that
Demand chasing.
Make me proud to be
Midgardian.
Burst into flames and remind me:

Sticks and stones are feathers.
Buddha and Baldr.
Enlightenment and love. Well,
I'd rather be a warrior in a church
Than a priest in a battle.

Odin's one good eye
Is mine.
The other weeps for the weak.
May they find
Comfort in the daylight,

While us
Others sharpen our
Weathered hearts
In the cold, uncertain night we
Belong to, like water to snow.

I love you
not because
you're good looking

I love you
not because
you're caring

I love you
not because
you dote on me

I love you
not because
your smiles are sweet

I love you
not in lust
of your crevice
or orifice
or skin

I love you
because
without you
I feel

incomplete within.

Tonight the fog settles
on the water reflecting

a dark mood, and the moon
is genuflecting to the blues

resting one knee on the cold
silent sea taking off his hat

as if to say *May I rise now
and take my leave and leave

you be, for tomorrow will
surely be a brighter day?

There are some who may prefer a cloudless sky and the touch of a warm sun. These hearts are similar climates, and you may find them at no great distance from the equator.

Not mine.

My love is for the sedge and moss covered upland of frozen lakes, where the cold white blanket covers the steppes. Peace is found here, among the ice and whispered within the biting gale as it travels over her skin.

Her chill breath touches me, and I am not driven away.
For within my chest beats a fire as black as space between the stars.

And I go unclothed, as the caribou carry me across the frozen land.

I am the horned god.

I forgive you
because I can't forget you
and your love has become essential
so when I say you aren't on my mind
I can swear it's all lie
because even with all you've done
you're still the ******* one
the one in my dreams,
the only one I look forward to see
the face I still am
trying to find amongst the crowd
laying on the floor
here I am, letting it all out
where the hell are you now?
I mean I know you were
never actually here
but loosing you
is still my biggest fear
and with every ******* tear
I pray to a god,
I don't even know is there
that one day, you'll just be
completely gone, out, disappear
because I know you're
the single worst thing for me
out in this crazy world
but in twirl,
you've got me rapped up
in this crazy dream
it's what you make me to believe
where all I think I need
is your touch, your attention
all the things you'll never give to me
because I know what I am to you,
who you see
when you look at me.
I'm not enough.
and the sooner I realize that
the better off I'll be
because even though it hurts
I'm glad you know how to leave
more like slam a door in my face
shoot me down with all your pain.
lock me in this nightmare
where all it does is rain
but, no, I've got to lock that all away
put a smile on my face
because people expect more of me
than to see what you took away
but can't you see?
the real damage that you've done
doesn't lay within your words
but the within your actions
and you run.
run away
from every problem
every day
honey, I'm sorry to say it
but not everything goes your way
but it's all good now
until you put the drink down
until you let it all come in
then let your pretty little self
realize that you didn't win
I know you
and I know you want love
and all these girls you pick up
they aren't enough.
and you know that.
but don't expect any more love
from me
because what you see now
is not what i will forever be
someday, I will move on
and forget what
you've made me out to be
because you don't matter
never have, never will
and I'll never understand
how you dropped me
so easily
but I guess
the past is in the past
and I should let you go
wipe the tears off my face
because you shouldn't be
worth **** to me
but you are,
and until I see that,
believe what I can say so easily
seeing your face, hearing your voice,
is still gonna **** me.
but with every day, every minute
I see a little more
a little clearer
what can I say though?
I can't regret you, I was warned.
but I didn't care
all I saw was the good in you
because that's what I like to see
I block everything else out
because the good
is all I want to believe
but I gotta stop that,
see things, for how they really are
bottle it all away some more
mend my open scars
keep you in my poems
now, in my dream world, lost
so I just guess
after all that you've done
I should just knock it off
move on
and go away
to place
just run away
some escape
from the pain
I can't handle it
and it's all coming my way
I can almost feel it
****
I can't loose you
we were meant to be
this stupid **** inside my head
isn't how it was suppose to be
how could you?
why did you let things get like this?
why do you only remain in my dreams?
all I crave is your attention, your amazing kiss
I love it
and I love you
but no
there you go again
your in my head
I've had enough
this bipolarness is getting rough
I sound crazy
****
crazy in love with you
insane because at the same time
I can't help but hate you
but nothing compares to our passion
when it's just you and me
the side of us
no one ever sees
it's all I've ever wanted in life
you walked away
slit my heart open with a knife
man, I wanted you
I wanted you for the rest of my ******* life
sounds pretty cliche
but with you it was different
it was real
something no body could steal
but I guess I was wrong
and all you'll ever be
is a sad poem or a love song
that you'll never hear or read
it's a side of me
I never want you to see
see the part of me
that needs you
just to ******* breathe.
you'd take advantage of it
so I refuse to show you how vulnerable I am to you
I've never told you the half of it
how I feel
boy, you have no idea
the thought of a day without you
makes me ill
unable to eat
or sleep
it's amazing
this draw to you
what this craving gives to me
is more than love or lust.
I just need you around
Because there's no me without us