To follow that
Splash

Into the
Mirrored pond-

To follow the

Shallow frog

To freedom!

The alarm clock rings
and once again
the rooster sings
the morning new.
Slumbering flowers
lift their petals to drink
the drops of dew.
  Reliable Sun
vanquishes the darkness
as he lightens the sky.
  I see an honored guest
is in the garden,
his tiny nametag reads... butterfly.

       But on the other side of town
       someone struggles with
       addiction.

 Habits grab hard,
break will powers  in two.
The will becomes won't
and the power is all through.
Satiated,
temporaneously satisfied.
only till the next time the habit has to be gratified.
The victim moves on trying to reassemble his day
Avoid
a crooked roaded relapse,
along the way.

Oh ghost of the host why must repitition repeat the most
and feel so good in its continuation?
Why must familiarity breed the need
for more familiar feelings?
To the point of killing control, sealing a fate,
dealing defeat,
stifle healing.

     If your out there guardian soul, spirit helper, what's your roll, your goal? 
 Guiding with helping hand or let stand the habitualized
habit man.

Isn't there  a self preservation station within?
A gland or impulse control button to switch from sin to win?

Even Edgar Allan Poe stubbed his toe on a ten step program trying to get in the door.
Ill-begotten and craven, drunken and unshaven cried the raven...never more.

Guiding spirit it ends here!         

No more slave to the crave
or impulse picking from the addiction tree.
The need to repeat and repeat
the pattern becomes a self fulfilling prophesy.

Back to normalacy, complacency,
it's a moderation that one seeks.
To enjoy the ****** of bells, hallalulah wails,
a babies dimpled cheeks.

Can you do that Spirit helper, please.
Let sing the bodies vibration.
 No more internal damnation.
No more self flagellation.
Allow to draw power from these words.
Think of this all as an intervention!

I fired one up on the loading dock
after eating lunch at the workplace cafeteria
I only smoke after a meal or when I'm contemplating death
and I may be contemplating death
because I just had lunch at the workplace cafeteria

my Mother would have a cigarette after dinner
and one before bed
that's probably where I got it
I got a lot of things from my Mother
and I lost a lot of things when she passed
much of my patience
along with a good chunk of character
I still don't cross the line
it's just gotten a bit further away

the memories of childhood have faded
like dates on old concert stubs
but the pain they both endured
in those last few years remains vivid
a stark reminder that life has balances
that illness does not discriminate
that bad decisions are unforgiving
I also believe that the after
holds balance as well
that someday
we will again be wrapped in the arms
of those we miss in life
and all shall be forgiven

I know what a crash dummy feels
While pouring down rain was humming
Bracing myself with nerves of steel
Eyes wide won’t stop trouble coming

Driving cautiously in the storm
So many cars speeding on past
I’m thinking easy, slow, steady
Not fight or flight before a crash

I know how a crash dummy copes
Eyes wide open with teeth revealed
Safety first face forward bravely
Ever expecting he will yield

Disbelief that it’s barreling
Faster and faster, I lean in vain
No place to go but the shoulder
That whizzing missile blurs in the rain

I saw it coming without the squeals
Pathfinder’s barrel fully loaded
No skidding tires or screeching wheels
Slow motion shards of glass imploded

My little red car lurches forward
In a bang she begins to swerve
That SUV slammed into me
Before dropping back at the curve

I feel what a crash dummy feels
Releasing the damage inside
To let go the past and its sorrows
Straight ahead, there’s nowhere to hide

I lost then found
a purpose
became again the  leader
of my own pack
I made a pact with
several of my persona
to just be one
there in the insane
asylum

I feel so far behind.
It eats at me,
fills me with envy,
fills my throat with bile.

My friends, family,
are just given things.
I mean, that's what family does, right?
They create a support system,
and help each other.

I barely had hand-me-downs.
Even now, if I want something,
I have to buy it.
There's no one I can mention it to
that might get it for me
as a gift.
I've earned nearly everything I have.

I know it sounds silly.
I'm not even materialistic,
but I feel so far behind.
I see people doing things at my age,
**** I want to do,
but can't
because I'm still trying to earn my way
to where they were
in high school.

I am the support in the family.
I always have been.
I know it's selfish,
but where's mine?

I feel so far behind
with no one around
to lend a hand.

would you like to take a walk
through my gardens now with me?
with the loveliest of flower
and the tiniest of pea?

yes?
good,
well come along my darling
now come along it's free,
an let's go to the gardens
to see what we can see

well,
I planted here some garlic
from the garlic bulbs I had
an the bok choy
well it bolted
and I lost it
that's too bad
but still
it had some flowers
though,
so really not so sad,

sigh,
smile now, ; )

see the tomatoes look so happy
lots to can, to cook an share
the cucumbers are plenty
see those guys are everywhere,

those here are purple eggplant
with soft delicate new flowers,
an the weather has been perfect
just so hot with scattered showers

the chocolate mint like poetry
WiLd and prolific
dead head all the marigolds
an boy they grow terrific,

in lovely burning oranges
and yellows
you can eat,
marigolds - nasturtiums
are really such a treat
and eating from my garden
well really can't be beat,

the kale is getting big,
and my peppers hot an mild
the pumpkins taking over
like an ivy envy wild

cosmos and green beans
were started from a seed,
radishes are too,
look-
I snuck 'em in between,

basil and cilantro
rosemary and sage,
I could go on and on
and write another page

but really you should visit
and come to see it now
but thanks for reading this
though vicarious somehow

I'm still happy for to share
my life
and love today
I hope you know I care
an are soon
here on your way
even in grey skies
for the growing I will pray,

and I will be here waiting
tending gardens
come what may.

Ma Cherie © 2017

Found out recently
that I'm no longer afraid
of dying; I fear
most mere survival until
I've used up all of my days.

It's one am again and here I am
Still not sleepy
Once again
I think of all the times I've met the dawn
Having had no sleep at all
Down my long and dangling years
Of laughter and tears
Another empty night
Waiting for the light
But as we used to say
I'll sleep when I'm dead
And lie in every day

                                By Phil Roberts