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 Jun 2015
Snow
bleeding.....bleeding from my heart
i cry
but i cry tears of blood
no one can help me
but where is my family and friends when i need them?
it seems that i cannot escape this
i cannot escape my past
my past haunts me everyday
i feel like i'm tearing apart
my heart has been ripped out of my chest
i am holding on
holding on of what i know
though i cannot say
that i love pain
i hate it mostly
i want it gone
i want it to disappear
i'm screaming
screaming for help
but i know nobody can hear me
based off what i felt in the past
It is often in the most mundane moments that I am caught by sense of perspective altering awareness.  Awareness of the ache in my toes from straining to see through the window of what might one day be.  Awareness of the truly humbling way that life can take everything away, leave you sweating against the rock floor, only to show you the beauty in having enough strength to pull yourself back into the light. Awareness of the gratitude that pulses in my veins for the people I have landed amongst.  It is here, in these moments, with pressure reminiscent of hope, disbelief, and wary elation expanding against my rib cage, declarations of affection catching in my throat, that the floors drop.  Endless free fall is the only capacity within which I understand what it means to adore another.  With feet firmly on the ground, I'm guaranteed to lose my way.
Not sure if this is finished or not. Just something that happened tonight as I was writing.
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