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 Jul 4
Dianali
It was cold in your dorm.
I choked on my silences.
I felt unwelcome,
and briefly— desired.

You walked me to the stop,
Said I was almost running—
As I waited for my bus,
the plastic bench felt cozier.
 Jul 4
Dianali
You hurt.
You will always do.
My favourite wound.

Every now and then,
I sprinkle salt on it—

And if It’s healing,
With bare hands
I rip it open
in my heart.

Keeping your memory alive
through this pain,
tearing me apart
 Jul 2
Dianali
Gps
You could go hide
In the edges of the earth.
In the deepest of the oceans.
Yet, my soul would know,
I — would know,
you are there.
  For it finds you more still
Than any precise satellite
or Gps there could be.
 Jul 2
Dianali
They keep on taking,

I am already empty.

What else can you strip me of?

My soul is already naked,

My flesh exposed

My heart vulnerable and lost
 Jul 2
Dianali
Like knocking on a door
Of a house in ruins
You can come,
But not a soul will let you in
There’s nothing here for you
There hasn’t, a long time since.
Pointless
 Jul 2
Dianali
I’m trying so hard to keep it inside
It’s in the surface of my heart
I can’t scratch it
It’s spreading
And then it overflows
It’s overwhelming
It slides down my face
Salty watery trace
I’ll be okay
Just not today
 Jul 2
Dianali
You found your way into my mind.
Now I randomly text you
at 2 am.
And you are okay with that,
slowly melting my stance.
You’re dangerously getting closer
To my heart.
 Jul 2
Dianali
My mind is full with conversations,
Yet it’s all so quiet
 Jul 2
Dianali
All that love flowing through my veins
got me sick to my stomach
I’m disgusted by how much
I loved you.
 Jul 2
Dianali
Sometimes I suddenly wake
Scared, anxious, nervous
Flooded with memories
Of a familiar stranger
And the scariest part
is this image, of myself,
so vulnerable, so happy

next to him.
 Jul 2
Dianali
I want nothing to do with you.
I am comfortable in the memories,
safe, knowing I made it through.
Aware of the outcome.
Dealing with the consequences—
Of the bittersweet experience,
The terrible rollercoaster,
Of your intermittent affection.
 Jun 26
Dianali
He was just a draft,
Yes, a really good one,
But still, a draft.
What can I say?
I want the real thing,
I wasn’t settling for that.
 Jun 26
Dianali
Such a selfish thought
Being attached to the past
when it is understood
moments are not meant to last.
Change is braided with time,
Are we supposed to ignore that?

— The End —