My love is for someone who does not exist,
but I will hope and save it for them,
undisturbed,
And maybe I won't need to choose my second choice.

dinosaurs roamed the earth once,
nearly a million years of life for them,
I wonder if humans can last that long,
or are we just a insufficient species just occupying the world until God can make a better,
more advanced species that can save it

Silence gives me too much time to think of you,
That is why I talk to myself

before I run out of falling space I just wanted to tell you that it wasn't your fault.

Have you ever found a new favourite thing?
And the old things are forgotten..
Or disliked..
Well that's how she was.
She became your new favourite thing.
Leaving me in the shadows,
Pondering what it meant to be alive.

I often find
       myself in
                situations
      where I feel
                   as if I'm running
out of time.
          
           but I've realized that I'm
only seventeen...
      
              And time is all
      I
       really
           have.

Have you ever wanted a break from love.
A break from falling that little bit too far.
Have you ever wanted to break other hearts.
Mending your own shattered thoughts.
Or maybe I just want revenge.
Maybe I want to know what kind of monster you really are.
Maybe I want to know exactly how it feels to have somebody break right in front of you.
Or maybe I just want to feel something.

Tuesday.
Cold.
Dark.
I was worried.
That gut wrenching feeling tangled my insides together so tightly.
'let's take a walk'
Oh no.
What did I do.
What did I say.
'here, Ruth....'
That's my name.
What happened babe?
'I'm sorry.'
No. No. No.
Speak.
Your voice.
Use it.
Why.
What.
'I can't do this anymore.'
What.
'I love her'
Who.
'we've been together a few months.'
Liar.
'I don't want to cheat.'
Did you ever love me.
'you changed.'
I cut myself.
'you're not as happy'
Of course not.
'I can't take it.'
Okay.
Then it was over.
Everything.
Gone.
The only reason I'd held on to life.
Eight months.
Disappeared.
My heart was numb for a second.
That gave me the power to walk away.
But in just a second,
It smashed.
Into a billion little peices.
Walking hurt.
Crying hurt.
The bathroom floor was cold.
I was that girl.
Alone.
On the ground.
Broken.
Then I found shelter in something I'd only ever tried rarely.
The sharp jagged metal launched by my very own fingers caressed my wrist just enough so I could distract myself.
He ******* destroyed me.
And my body.
And my soul.
And my mind.