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Apr 2014 · 845
In Retrospect
claire Apr 2014
Oh, the wretched, damnable ache of growing older
of saying farewell to wild romps through the park
of turning these sunshine smudged days over to memory
of taking it all into my arms once more
before
letting  it
go
  completely
it’s a funny sort of pain
and I don’t much like
the way it pulls at my insides
an ulcer; stinging, perverse, present

years ago I longed to be
the age I am now
thought it would guarantee
confidence and joy

but now that I’m here
staring into the abyss
on the brink
of living
“my own life”
I’m paralyzed

perhaps that little girl
with the tender spirit and
brown eyes
who believed time would solve everything
was wrong

because now I would give
just about anything
to be in her place
Mar 2014 · 8.2k
Pressure
claire Mar 2014
I slip under with a cry
and am lost to the depths,
sinking ever deeper
into the blue
as though bound by
ball and chain

What I pass on my way down
is not glittering schools
of fish
or the benevolent
sea turtle,
but a circling, snarling
mob of responsibilities,
a sight more menacing
than even
the most cadaverous
shark
Mar 2014 · 907
Perspective
claire Mar 2014
After a great deal of climbing
I reached the top
and paused to admire things from
that new place. The sky was
a trio of hues (halcyon dragging to
teal fading to slate) and the sun was
a great big bright thing
(inflamed, illuminated).
Inch by inch, I lifted my arms,
as if to embrace the gusts of wind
licking at my skin.
I tilted my face toward
the volcanic dazzle and
stood there a while, imbued with
ponderous joy. The longer I
remained, the more sure of
everything I became,
of the steady drumbeat of energy
pulsing in the dirt,
of the synergistic tangle of
death and life.
My scalp began to tingle with a
giddy, glowing sensation:
a breathless sort of reverence
I had never known.
Oh, what a life,
I thought
and took off down that hill with
arms out like airplane wings,
not caring what the neighbors
might think
Mar 2014 · 1.0k
Cordis Occulta
claire Mar 2014
The phalanges are connected
to the metacarpals,
the metacarpals are connected
to the ulna,
the ulna is connected
to the humerus…
and the heart
is connected
to pen and paper
in a way that defies
all logic
Mar 2014 · 541
This is Not Art
claire Mar 2014
Sooner or later I'll have
to face the fact that
I'm not really good at anything
Yes, I dabble in writing
[the art of fashioning
buzzing thoughts into something
vaguely meaningful] and oh, I can make
the piano shout truths to the world
by hammering its keys and feeling
every palpitating sliver of love
and grief burst from my
callused fingertips
And yes, I can sneak candid
photographs of strangers laughing
or walking or dropping
their crumpled cellophane wrappers
into the street when they think
no one is watching
And here and there
I dance, twisting my
spine into contortions of human expression
wrestling with gravity until
my muscles spasm
and give out
flirting with the edges of my
endurance until I can't take it any more
and I go down,
gasping
But contrary to some people's
beliefs, this is not talent or skill
This is not mastery or ability
This is me stripping myself
down to the very essence of
my character
tearing the insecurities away like
an old Band-Aid
shoving my ugly fears into the light
before they can get the better of me
This is not vision or genius
This is a gloriously chaotic mess
of swirling thoughts and feelings
turned into something tangible
This is not art
This is just me playing with the raw
exhilaration
of being alive

— The End —