I guess I just expected
Something else

It happens every year,
I get excited
Hopeful
Giddy
That maybe
This year will be
Different.

Maybe I'll find an awesome friend
Who does my nails
And answers calls at two am
Like Nicole did
Before she moved to California

Or she could be like Kayla
Who would be silly with me in
Drama class
And use chocolate sauce for blood
In our Black and White movie
Before her dad died in combat
And she went to bury him in
Some foreign country
Where cell phones
Don't count

Or a boyfriend like Louis
That I could see a future with
Sitting listening to Relient K
In a college dorm
With a million years to spare
Before he left for London

But the girl in front of me
In English
Pops her gum for the boy
In the next desk
And could poke my eye out
With her fake straightened hair.

The girl in my drama class
Cakes on her mask and
Participates in pageant after pageant
And calls her anorexia
A diet

And I heard the rumor
That the boy I thought was cute
In chemistry
Was caught ******* his
Girlfriend
Under her desk in
Español Dos.

I didn't think my standards were too high to meet.

I could write endless poems for you
                                And not a single one of them would make you love me

I slapped myself just now.
My face is numb;
Tingling

As if a herd had stampeded over my very own right cheek and perhaps a few of the pack had

                                        Stumbled

Over my very own rough skin, and do you think that hatred

                                        Seeps

Up into your pores? Or does it

                                        Sink

Down into your organs because I'd like to know which part of my body will be the first to deteriorate, the first to

                                        Spoil

Under the weight of my very own hate for myself and everything around me.


Do you ever half-accidentally

                                        Pause

Just to glare at your own selfishness and wonder how you ever became such a vile creature? With venom in your very own blood, How could one ever

                                        Plant

Such a seed of pure evil like a virus stemming from your very own mind but there you go again blaming someone else for something that's really

Your very own fault.