It will be happy
Sad and Lonely
There will be wishful thinking
Achievements disappointments
Love and tears
Hope and fears
Arguments, in depth discussions
Songs, poetry and prose
Cold times, hard times
Amazing
A little bit of wonderful
A whole heap of something special
Long nights, short days
Lazy Sunday mornings
Rainy Tuesdays
Thank God it's Fridays
Writing on the wall
Picking yourself up when you fall
Excitement and wonder
Standing tall
Pride and pain
Hurt feelings
Dancing eyes
Huge big grins
Goosebumps, pins and needles
On searing hot skin
Cold hearts, skinned knees
Listening
Hearing things
Saying what's on your mind
Lying and imagining
Eyes wide with wonder
Tears running down cheeks
Time to speak
Wasted days
Guts and glory
Brand new stories on fresh blank pages
The best of you
Laughing like drains
The subtle, the profane
Drunken days sobering thoughts
Big hearts new starts
Expectations, failures and successes
Asking questions but questioning answers
Never forgetting to remember the past
Whilst stepping into the future
Have the presence of mind to be present
It's in your hands
Live it love it

Walk with purpose into 2017 X

33 words placed by your amazing tongue,
Melting together one by one.
33 words straight from your core,
Whispered on bare skin I want more.
33 words mixed with your soothing voice,
In each and every syllable I shall rejoice.
33 words dripping down my spine,
Slowly tracing their path until they meet mine.
33 vertebrae waiting for your precious voice...
I can only surrender I have no other choice.

As I turn my insides out
Memories spill like rain
Sear hot pavements with emotion
then evaporate in a plume of steam

I'm learning to swim
in the words that form
In your perfect mouth
I was drowning in questions
When I should have been floating
On acceptance

Always
Always did
Do now
Always will.

Am I fine?
He asked.
Why do you ask?
She said,
masking
Her confusion.
Was it an illusion?
She asked.
Were you wearing a mask?
Was it delusion?
You look fine,
And when you didn't
I knew there'd be a time.
I'm fine....
I assumed
I needn't ask,
She said.
I have to ask,
He said....
I feel I am masking,
That's why I'm asking.
I feel fine,
Is my conclusion.
What are you asking?
She said.
Are you masking,
The real reason
You are asking?
Yes
he said.
I was going to ask
In a roundabout way
Would it be ok...
Well I was going to ask
Have we got the time?
Now I'm fine...
He said.
Get on with the task,
And ask....
She said.
Shall I try my luck
Do you fancy a...

Cup of tea?

Can you hear me smiling?
Can you touch my kiss?
Can you see me talking?
Can you smell my thoughts?
Can you taste me dreaming?
I think you missed the best of me

Sitting on hands
Feet turning inwards
Trying to hide the inside
From the outside world
Goosebumps on pale skin
Patiently waiting
For the hand that feeds
crumbs
Listen carefully
can hear a tiny voice?
Perched precariously
Head lifts
Heart beat quickens
Fingers unhinge the cage
The door creaks
With wings unclipped
Freedom beckons
Yawn awake
Hear the delicate song

Black crows
Circling calling
Spitting our names
Black shroud descends
Suns shadow lengthens darkens
Trapped in a box
I am cracked
Bones snap
Voices break
Blood runs cold in my veins
Lifeless hopeless loveless
Skin is too big
For the withering breath
That no longer rises and falls
In time to the beat of a heart
With a wide gapping hole
A hole so big
A hole so deep
A hole so wide
It divides
This conquered place
I won't let you see my face
Or the lines and the groves
Of the tracks my tears have made
Fingertips are numb
I can't reach out and touch
The heat of your body
I'm not just anybody
I embody all that is good in you
Step in time
With the feet that are both yours and mine

I will swim in your smile
I will bask in the sunshine of your eyes
Let me sit here a while....
Catch my breath
The breath you take from me.

I want to breathe the smile back on your face
I want my skin to be the cover for your scars
I want my hands to be the help to lift you up
I want my legs to pick up your feet and run
I want my shadow to protect you from the harsh light
Your blood runs through me...I live because of you

I need to hold a fragment of you in my hand
I will gently pick another piece of you
Cherish it kiss it back to life
That will be the hope that cements the join
One by one piece by piece I will gently put you back together
Every speck of glue will have smiles running through
Every little crack will let in the light
When you are whole again I will stand back and breathe in the view
People will remark on your amazing power
I will admire your strength
For you are even more beautiful than yesterday

The black cloud subsided when the rain came down.
Down it came again and again
The black cloud shrouded the land
And the sea
Covered it in pain and again
The black cloud created the night when it was day
Darkened it in shame and again
The black cloud subsided when the rain came down
Took away the pain and the shame

Brush away the pain
Rub out the harsh words
Encircle my body
With your protective arms
Catch the wonderful
Before its lost to the wind.

Childhood lines
Pulling us back like elastic bands
Pinching the skin
Leaving stinging nettle welts
Skinned our hearts as well as our knees
Long hot summers take our breath away
Blackberry juice dripping from our chins
The taste of nostalgia still on our tongues
Hot pavements burnt our feet
Sticky sweat mixed with mud dries
Daisy chains bound our wrists
Wasps circle the sugar
oozing from honeyed sandwiches
Hands searching for forbidden fruit
What is time but blurred lines
Pulling us back like elastic bands.

I would like to hang up my tired weary muscles and skin
I would pick out my 1983 coat from the wardrobe of yesterday
Take comfort in the carefree newness of a different life about to begin
The buttons badges of honour left by childhood scrapes and bruises
The pattern symbolising lessons learnt and wise words given
The collar my shelter from the rain of pain and the clouds of self doubt
The hem would allow some growing room but be tidy and protective of my raw edges
The colour bright and cheerful representing hope and possibility
I'd forgotten how well it fits...my wonderful coat called my fifteen year old self.

Soaked to the skin
A glimpse of the body
My soul resides in
A window to the mind
I don't just write words
I live them

Don't fear the places in my head,
upon which you fear to tread.
Don't fill your mind with thoughts you dread...
Dare to dream of the best of me instead.

In that split second everything changed
My thoughts became your dreams
My dreams your realities
A seemingly innocent look into depths of our knowledge
An insight into the life written in the stars
And the scars of a former existence
We didn't know we'd know each other again
I'd forgotten to remember you...but your eyes I have always known
They grew large in my imagination
Letting me see the stories you have hidden
You knew right then I had the key to the door
So you could realise and be thankful
for what you've been given

She stands by the railings wearing that knowing look
Her dog waiting patiently by her side
Platform two I catch a glimpse of red
Torn apart as the Windows go rattling by
Memories come back to visit me
She knew what was to become of us
Her star guides me back to the heart of our past
Clacketty clack
Drum beat, feet tap
until we meet again on platform 2.

I am acutely aware
Of my feelings today,
My emotions I wear
On my sleeve.
I want to tear
Them from my skin.
I stop and stare
Into space.
I wasn't prepared
For your rejection.
I'm sorry I care
Too much.
Yes I dare
To dream,
And yes I am acutely aware
Of my feelings today.

Rub noses
Wriggle toes
Blush a little
Giggle more
Hold hands
Eyes lock
Look down
Get closer
Blush a little
Giggle more
Fingers touch
Deep breath
Lips touch
Tongue tingles
Heart pounds
Blush a little
Giggle more
First kiss
Any more?

First love.
Blind love.
Arms tied behind my back love.
Eyes bigger than my heart love.
I can see my way through the dark love.
Head up in the clouds love.
Feet high up off the ground love.
Far too young love.
Everlasting love?
Wrapped up in nostalgia love.
Don't go there love.
Leave in the past love.
Why does this hurt my insides love?
Head in the sand love.
Feet back on the ground love.
Second best love.
Finally grown up love.
Blind love.
First love.

My eyes said yes before the rest had time to think
Words,sentences, places, times had all come to settle
On the scales that had become my skin
A layer of protection so I could swim
Instead of sinking
Then being washed up on the tide of regret
The winds of change blew in from another direction
A power to turn every stone
To caress every single body part
To leave messages ringing in my ears
Every single muscle standing to attention
My bones anticipating a new direction
Mind free from the constraints of distraction
The breath taken from me...leaving protection
I'd shed my skin of scales
A trail glistening in my wake
Replacing them with feathers
So now when I lift my arms...
I am able to fly in your direction

Motherless rudderless
There is no one to steer this boat.
We are still anchored in the past
Exactly where she dropped it.
Moss grows old
Rust corrodes
But time doesn't erode

Railway station waiting room sitting anticipating inspiration
Breathing slows as calm descends with a black lace shroud
Mystery light and honesty filter through the spaces in between
Thoughts float up then disperse on the wind searching for a patch of fresh earth
The platform rises up and beckons me to trust instinctively
Soon I will be taken from here to find my bodies position in a different place
My absence of presence will be noted in the subtle shift
A whisper of inquisitiveness will leave it's mark on those who pass by my shadow ghost
The past will greet the present like a familiar friend before walking into the future.

Goodbye
I shall leave my memories where they belong
You tear me apart
Don't haunt me with our history
Be present in the future
Don't leave me to bleed
Tears
For the days that I'll miss
Sigh with the hope that given time
We will look into the past of better times
Be proud that we did all we could
The ripples echoing
We changed the world
Didn't we?

She sits there waving at the moon.
Do you think she can see me?
She wonders what she's doing
Do you think she is smiling down at me?
I do hope she's awake
I'm sure she's waving back at me
Do you think we can help her down tonight
For even though she's out of sight
I can see her in my minds eye
Reaching out
Even though she can't stay
Do you think she could watch me play?
Just for a little while
It really would make my day
She sits there waving at the moon
Maybe we can see her soon?
I do hope she is waving back at me
When you look down
I'm sure you'll notice me
Sitting here waiting patiently.

We gave birth to the whole world.
Therefore have the ultimate power.
If we share our innermost thoughts,
At the most intimate time,
We have the maximum impact.
On this day of all days,
As the universal mother,
We hold the change in our hands.
It's up to each and every one of us.
As we give birth to the next generation,
And as daughters of the last,
It's time to acknowledge but leave the past.
Cut the ties that bind... open the eyes that keep us blind.
Keep the ultimate goal in mind...
We are all part of this human race
We can't keep on saving face.
Blaming each other for our forebears disgrace.
Make this a day to celebrate humanity.
Gather strength from our unity
And give our children the belief in true equality.
We are all equal... surely this is what gives our life it's quality.

CM 8/3/15

I'm leaving footprints
Although you've taken my heart
Colours left as hints
It will be hard to tear us apart

I taste a Barcelona kiss
How could I forget
A life force I will miss
I have to leave with regret

My eyes dance around this place
An indelible mark left on my skin
You are in the smile on my face
Where do you end and I begin?

She is lying very still
The tide of regret washing over her
The ebb and flow of emotions
Breathe in
Breathe out
That's all she can do
Words caught up
Tangled in the fishing net of despair
Flotsam and jetsam on the surface
The wreck of a relationship carried on   The swell
Where will it end up?
Driftwood on a deserted beach somewhere miles from here
Bleached by the sun
Crumbling to dust
Adding to the bones of long forgotten love
She will pick herself up and carry on
Time and time again
For a fleeting moment perfect
All that's left is loneliness once more
She knows in her cold scarred heart life will beat
Breathe out
Breathe in
That is all there's left to do.

He would wash the sorrows from my skin
He would kiss away the pain with his lips
He would stand beside me and hold my hand
He would teach me to count my blessings
He would walk in time to the beat of two hearts instead of one
His bones would no longer ache with the bruises
His blood would flow freely from head to toe
His skin would sigh with the knowledge he'd found home

Home was never a place
Home wasn't in the people I saw
Home was never walls and windows
Home wasn't doors
Home is the peace written on my face.

When the sun fades
And all that's left are echoes of shadows
When the day seems to drag it's heels  
And doesn't want to give itself to the night
You will find a place at the setting of the sun
A place where the ribbons of safety will encircle your body
Your bones will sigh with the relief of stillness
Your skin will weep tears of sadness
Your head will be filled with the whispers of silence
Shed your lives by the river bank
let the water cleanse your feet
Let peacefulness be your home
For the full circle is now complete.

I am in lust. I'm hate,I'm love, I'm tangled.
I am amused,confused,bruised.
I am hot,cold,I am untold.
I'm undone,I'm fun,
Coming,going,I'm all knowing.
I hope,love and scar,
My head hurts and my mind is numb.
I'm hurt,jealous,envious.
I smile, laugh and taste.
I scream and dream.
I'm in a hurry, I'm lazy.
My throat hurts, can't talk.
I can't see, just leave me be.
I am disabled, not able.
Leave me in pieces.
I am all of the above and then some.
I'm tired,inspired,I am wired.
I cry ,I lie and try.
I am trying,but most of all I'm crying.
I'm fake,I'm real. It is surreal.
I feel,I don't,I won't.
I talk,I walk,I run.
I stop,I strop, I shout.
I really don't know what this is about.
How do you feel? To me it's real.
I am raw,I'm cut,I need,I bleed.
I give up,I give in,you win.
I fight,I am uptight.
I'm abstract, I react, detract.
I am dramatic,ecstatic, erratic.
.... I am knackered.

Hug big...hug good
I know you'd hug me everyday if you could
I missed our hug
Whole body hug
A not just anybody hug
A somebody loved hug
A wide open hug
A tops of your fingers to my toes hug
I needed a hug
I missed your hug
I would hug you everyday if I could.

Adornment fades at first sighs the skin- again our hearts race blood pools- lastly heightened senses combine hushed voices

I am the breeze you feel on your tear streaked cheek
I am the words that are carried on the wind
I am the voice of the birds that herald the morning
I am the water that quenches your thirst
I am the fight that means you can put one foot in front of the other
I am the shadow that looks over your shoulder
I am the game you wish you played
I am the hands you clasp to pray
I am the knees you fall onto
I am the suns rays that penetrate the dark
I am the dreams that scare your nightmares away
I am the yes that answers your doubts

There is so much I want to share
That you will never get to see
Remember me
Don't forget I'm grieving for what should have been
Come to the funeral and celebrate
Nothing I do or say will demonstrate
If you don't open your eyes as well as your head
Every line that I ever wrote
Every whispered word I ever spoke
I wanted to penetrate your skin
Now I punctuate with a deep sigh
A turned down mouth instead of a grin
I forgot where I end and you begin
As I look up to the sky today
I don't want to die today
I am walking blindly in the light
That should be filled with fun and hope
I will pick up my bag of trust
Scrape off the mud and rust
I will wind up the mechanism that that propels me
Broken promises and spells surround me
My feet and my hands are all I know
Although my fingertips are burned
I can feel the healing kisses
You and I are bigger than this
The us we called we is what I'll miss

She sits quietly staring into the distance
Her mind can no longer pick up her feet and run
She takes a shallow breath then laughs...
Why don't you giggle too? She asks
Can't you hear me?
Can't you feel me tugging the hem of your shirt tail ?
Can't you feel my hand in yours?
Can't you feel my heartbeat in time to the thoughts in your head?
Can't you hear the promises I had with your soul?
Will you sit for a while and listen to my story? I will whisper in your ear
Can't you hear me?
A shiver on the breeze... Has she really gone?

I didn't make it up
I woke up
You made it better
For better or worse
It really happened
You made me count
You made it all better
I did it with your help
We helped ourselves
Please don't stop
Don't make it stop
To me it's clear
You make it clear
You couldn't write this
Or make it up
You know what
We can make it
Is that clear?

When you find it
Hold on tight to it
With all of your might
Don't fight it
Or get uptight
Bask in the light
The bright lights
Take comfort in it
Wrap your self up in it
Dance barefoot with it
Throw your arms around it
Share it
So that others may believe in it
There's hope for the future in it
Memories are made of it
Smile and laugh with it
Don't ask....what is it?
You already know it
It's written in your heart
Isn't it?

Emotional baggage
Left luggage.
Why claim it?
Or name it.
No shame in it.
It's not you, it's me...
No it's not me, it's you...
But then again...
Confusing it's it?
Do you mind?
Mind what you say
Carry on...
Hedge your bets,
I bet she waits
On your every word.
Haven't you heard?
I have a brain
Beneath the exterior.
The interior?
Scratch the surface..
Maybe not..
You have two faces,
The public view
Right in cue
I know you
Better than you do.
The other one...
You've come undone.
Me ? I'm way too strong.
You don't believe in you,
I did ...no doubt.
I dared to care,
Cared but you were scared
Of your own shadow.
Look out the window
I'm looking in
A reflection of me?
Thank you.
Yes ...thank you.
For helping me see.
See right through you.
Every word,
It's all been heard.
Every silence,
Dissolved my resolve.
It's left a wound
Healed with a scab.
Did you realise?
Realise what you had,
In your hands.
Do you understand?
Your choice,
Walk away.
Don't think for a minute
I didn't live it.
I have feelings too...
Off you go, pastures new.
The grass is greener.
It's been emotional...
I never claimed your baggage.
I unpacked mine long ago.
How were you to know
You know what?
You had me at hello.

The coolness of the train window
Takes the heat from my forehead
Replaces it with brain freeze
The initials trickle down the pane
The hypnotic clackty clack
Lulls me into a trance
Trees and fields rush by
Straight line to the heart of my past
As the sun blinks I'm blinded
I can finally see what's in front of me
Time to go back to see the future
My childhood is waiting
To greet me in its kind open arms

Every time you project
I think I may detect
Every time you lie
It makes me sigh
Every hurtful word
It's all been heard
When you dismiss
It's adds to the list
You play a game
One with no name
You just don't hear
Is it fear?
You've pushed me away
All there is to say
Is leave me alone
Go back home
Nice while it lasted
My life?
Time to restart it.

Yes
He said
I miss
Your kiss.
I can't dismiss
Your touch,
I miss so much.
My words dancing
On your tongue
He said.
The kiss I miss,
The thoughts
I can't dismiss.
Fizzes in my brain
Do you feel the same?
He said
Yes
she said,
With bated breath.
I miss the kiss
I can't dismiss
Your touch
I miss so much.
Will you
Take your kiss
Place it on my lips
That miss your touch
So much?

Yes she said
I can't dismiss
Your kiss
The kiss
I miss so much
Dances on my tongue
Fizzes in my brain
I could never feel the same
It wasn't a game
It was real
To feel
The heat
From my head
To toe
You know
I can't go
I can't leave
I still believe
The sigh
Oh my
As much as I try
I still remember the kiss
The sigh the smile
Upon the lips that miss your kiss
I can't dismiss
The kiss
That kiss
I miss so much.

I fall on my face when I want to fall on my feet
My heart beats fast when I want to go slow
I get worked up when I should work out instead
I feed my broken body then starve  my soul
Had my head in the clouds...when my ear should have been to the ground.

And you lied
And lied
And I believed
Your words to be true
I thought
I thought I knew you
Yes you
With the open face
The bare face
Then you lied
And lied
And I believed
Those beautiful words
How could you not
Want to live them
Breathe them
Give them to me
Unconditionally
Then you lied
And lied
And I believed
Didn't you think
Think as they left your head
Danced on your tongue
That they would cut
Cut like a knife
Did it feel like butter
That wouldn't melt
On your tongue
Then you lied
And lied
And I believed
Was that smile
An honest smile
Upon your lips
The sparkle in your eye
A sight to behold
Was it a game
Were you teasing me
Instead of pleasing me
And then you lied
And lied
And I believed
Did you taunt me
Your words haunt me
How could you stand there
Stand and make me understand
I listened
Put yourself in my position
And then you lied
And lied
And I don't believe
In your contrition

Take my hands
Clothe them in magic
A close fitting glove
Breathe your words
Bathe them in hope
The kiss of life