the picture is falling so far down that I lost track the last time I had any chance of grasping it. How long does it take for a fist to form? how long can the drop be after all? it doesn't seem that bad. but its so warm up here, its so cozy and jagged and I seem like I love it. everyone else does, except for those who cared. The funny thing is, no one cares. No cares if I go to class or if I smile or if I finally jumped. we would all just continue on driving and laughing like there was somewhere to drive to. Sometimes I think about those days when they shoved snow in my face and I remembered wondering when it was going to get better. everyone always said it was going to be better. Now I'd do anything to get frostbite on every limb. I'd tear myself piece from piece if I realized what life was going to be.

I recently looked at a blank white page with the word "information" written on it.  It made perfect sense to me.

soulmates:
        two
        poems
        written in
one
language
spoken by
only
        two

i am illiterate
my soul
its mate
both:
         nonexistent  

- end

Today I am sad
I lost a friend
I lost a friend I never knew
And I knew as well as anyone

And all night I stay up
In conversation getting drunk
And getting high on ideas
And finding meaning

We spoke
And will speak no more
Today I am sad
I lost a friend

And went to find him
In the old familiar place
But there wasn't a name
And there wasn't a face

Today I am sad
It is nothing
I feared it always was
I lost a friend

S     i      L        n           O   e
       U                      P
    e         E      e     D             A
E      d           R     y
      K        o                    u

                        ­  And now these demons
                    Speak louder
                       These fears are my constant companions
             Are my darkness are my friends
I don't want to hear and I don't want to be alone
                                I won't they are always with me
Unless you speak louder show me your with me
   I promise I'll hear you  you'll be my angel

I promise I'll love                         my light in the darkness

                    Speak louder *I need you

dear calamities,

thank you for whipping me with leather belts,
they left but i still beat myself

thank you for tearing my family apart,
they left but my flesh's still sitting behind bars

and thank you for all the times you broke my heart
they left but i'm still sitting behind bars

cheers,
absinthe

p.s. i'd be blind without your darkness

Sadness is a dark feeling
I don't know whether to consider myself depressed or just
well
sad.
It's like you've fallen into this deep, pitch black hole
And you can't get out
You don't want help getting out
You see the pessimistic side of everything
and you embrace it
It gets even darker
And the hole is eventually filled with the dirt others have poured in
And you accept it
It's you alone with our thoughts
Sometimes they won't shut up and your heart is racing and you shut yourself out from everyone and everything
"You are becoming the most negative person I know," she says
I wonder why
Other times it's completely silent and the sadness flows from your eyes and falls to your toes
And sometimes silence is violent
But the sadness becomes your addiction
-a.l.c.