Don't want to know where you are 'cause you are not here with me ..

My is mind is not my own today,
so please excuse these words i say.
I am not entirely sure what i think and feel,
its difficult to differentiate what is and isn't real.
My mind is playing games on me,
blurring my sight, so i struggle to see,
to undress reality.
There are holes in my thinking,
dents and Im sinking.
Deeper and deeper,
my fight growing weaker and weaker.
My mind is not my own today,
all logic it seems to have been thrown away,
So i sit in dismay,
and apologise
for these vacant eyes.

Oh how I admired you
For your talk and your walk
For your beauty and your attitude
Thought your ****** acting was just a role
Never thought it was the real you
The illusion was fading ..
Just another ***' you can't tust
Little miss perfect with no character

i feel blessed to have all my beloved people around me
even blessed for the haters 'cause they give so much passion to their hate that make us grow !

What is it about you that keeps me coming back?
You were my longest crush.
I pictured you as my first kiss.
But what was it that made you hate me so much?

Why does my mind wander to you every spare moment?
Is it because my mind visits my heart when it wanders?
Why have I given you a piece of my heart,
Yet have NOTHING in return?!

What made me want you?
What made me seek for your approval?
Why did I long for your attention?

What is wrong with me?
Is it me?
Or was it you?
*Or both?