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Opened my eyes
Open road
I must have dreamt of you
Because upon awakening I felt close to you again
I passed some trees that remind me of our car rides
They were dancing merrily as I passed
Limb-like branches sprouting off in every direction
Waving their arms in the wind
A line of dancers
Eager to impress passerbys
I don't think anyone is really their truest self among others

We acknowledge coexistence and hide it under the covers

We can't help it, it's a natural occurrence

But we can't change it either,

these different versions among us

We can try though, to force friendships and bonds

But why force anything when no one seems fond?
Where'd you go?
I look for you under my sheets
Under my skin
Under my surface
Feelings surface
But feelings have no home now
I love a ghost of what once was
But no longer exists

I'm a sucker
The spark we created when our eyes met has died down
and burnt out
There's no doubt

Some things aren't meant to last forever
No matter how beautiful
No matter how perfect
Maybe nature is running its course
and we have to let go
I hope it isn't so

Maybe one day we will cross paths
and with the slightest glance
everything will fall back into place

Maybe one day...
Own
Own
This house is not a home
Although I need to be on my own
I didn't think I'd feel so alone
What ***** with me the most
is the fact that if someone called
I wouldn't even pick up the phone.
Bodies move south
Heat rises
Frowns curl upward
Minds open
Mile after mile
We sleep
The music plays
I listen
Signs direct us
We follow
How much longer?
We're there.
I want to break down in front of a stranger
I don't want them to ever know my name
I hide from my doubts, they're such danger
But I'm truly the only one to blame
I feel safer spilling my doubts on paper
I want to hear from those who feel the same
I think we try so hard to be support beams for each other
Coexistence can't create happiness for us
I guess I have to watch your success from afar
Quietly proud of your achievements
I won't bother you
I'll just smile for you
When he told me he was in love with me, I didn't sweat it
Tomorrow he will probably say he has realized new things
And has had a change of heart
He is a roller coaster
A light switch
Untrusted
I feel bad that I do not take him seriously
He is human, but he does not let himself seem human
Therefore I do not feel bad that I do not feel bad
It makes sense if you think about it
we pulled over so she could close the door
it hadn't shut right the time before
there's a blanket folded to
keep me warm to get me through
this car ride
is only two hours but i swear it feels like forever
since i was told things will get better

you always catch me so off guard
like the loud hum of the passing cars
I have had positivity creeping in from my peripheral into my absolute attention, creating magnificent distraction from the skeletons that plague me, but I fear the possibility, and probability of its impermanence, a temporary state is a useless one to obtain. I need to focus on the long term target, changes on the next level, the one outside of this peripheral comfort zone. 'What are you so afraid of?' I wish I ******* knew.
pm
pm
Everything feels different at night
Lonely yet creative
Sad yet optimistic
Tired...yet alive
Long Legs,
short skirts,
  young hearts,
"Love hurts."

lost souls
running free

Time would fly,
"Please let me flee"

Days then months
then years deceased
Naivety fades away
while experience increased

What was once a privilege
now takes priority
Ex best friends
in plastic sororities

The best four years came and went
before apprehension, nevertheless, time well spent

Simplicity we disregard,
Life was easy,
*we made it hard
High school man...
Dependence and loneliness
Texting to reminisce
Mentally guarded now
Feel so much smarter now
Giving in to you is the easy route
So I'll trade short term fun for an internal dispute
How could I turn back after all this time?
You want me, so I'm there on the drop of a dime
Not anymore, now I just need the cure
So I'll search high and low for something pure
To bring me to a new place
where I'm able to embrace
Exactly who I'm meant to be
Whether or not you disagree
It's finally my turn to steer
I'm getting over my fears.
I never stick to anything for more than a few weeks
Habits die harder than young love, it's so bleak
I never finish anything, my creation is disaster
But if destruction's a form of creation, call me.. "Creative Master"
I have too much fire within me to surround myself with the cool, damp air that is your being. You provide a few stones and a stick and expect me to maintain a flame. Then once it's created you want unearned credit that belongs to me. Contradiction hangs heavy on your sleeve.
You've hit rock bottom and you aren't sure why but you're finding comfort in knowing you have nothing. Nothing to lose and nothing to gain. Nothing to prove and no one to blame but yourself. You need help. But when no one really sees past your desperate eyes made of glass, they will not break, won't show pain to a single soul..to the outside eyes you seem so whole..why should I share my tears with the ones not suffering? I want to be like them. They are my models of inspiration. Why would I risk watering down the smiles when this will only last a while.."Fake it til you make it" has never made so much sense to me. So I will follow their lead until I no longer bleed. Then I can be the leader of my own path. For now my path is blocked off by doubt and by fear. I just need someone to hear. I just need someone here.
*******. **** every fake thing anyone has ever spat at anyone in a sad attempt at acceptance. The truth is, we will never be on the same page. We're in different chapters. I admit, we're in the same book, but you're introducing the characters as I'm leading up to the ******. And as you're finally approaching that check point, I'm gaining closure in the form of two words: The end.
You sink me  deeper     
  into the blackest parts of the ocean

you are  one word answers   
half-hearted devotion  
     
You **** me with your words    

please stop speaking now

                            


I mean...

tell me what you want to tell me    

not what I want to hear.                
Or..
If you're convinced it's that easy to win me over...
   then whisper it in my ear.

Tell me how you hate me for half the things I say to you
Then call me at 5 am when reality catches up to you

When sheets are stripped 
 sublime stories all told    
you've worn out your welcome     
useless                    fool's gold  
These once vacant shoulders now seem pretty cold.
But you get what you crave: your image won't fold.

Your decisions of stupidity can never truly compare
To your decisions of cupidity: deep, bold and rare

When the moon wins the battle against heavy eyes,    
On the thundering instance that keeps you inside        
You'll wander to the back burner, right where I reside
to give me the remainder,  
which I'll take,   with my hands tied
//
I hope you take it personal,
I hope you blindly reach
And find out you're the worst of all
None of this is a figure of speech.
I wish you cared
the way you care where you'll go for lunch today,
I wish you listened
the way you hear your favorite bass chords,
I wish you'd spend time
the way you waste away all your savings,

Show me passion, don't show off
Feel my heart beat like your sheets, so soft
I feel your chest rise and fall
Feel the way I truly care,
and in return, get nothing at all.
Why do you only care when it's convenient?
When did my standards become so lenient?

I wish you the best,
the way you wish away today
I wish you the best,
but with you there is no grey.
i dont wear bras

          my **** will look great when im old

i gave up on makeup

          unless its a special occasion or my friends are convincing

my fingernails and toenails are clean

              nail polish prevents your nails from breathing

ive outgrown my asthma

       my lungs rise and fall

          so deeply, so freely

since i was 15

   there has always been a boy in my life

          i intend to cross that off the list too
It's ironic - you're not environmentally conscious——
And don't forget, baby, you're the one who said you want this

You wanna date her, but then you claim you've had it,
So you return like I'm made of paper or plastic
Crumble me up and throw me away
Or repurpose my presence, you wouldn't want me to stray
and try to salvage what's left of my shattered broken pieces
Keep me compacted tight, make me believe I'm beneath this
Shred me, burn me, then keep my remains
Just to piece me back together how you want me in your brain

One day you'll lose me, I'll become biodegradable,
and you'll try to reuse me only to realize I'm not disposable
I'm not the insulated coffee cup you settle for when you're in a rush
In fact, keep this up and I'll be ice cold to the touch

Cut down tree after tree then wonder why you can't catch your breath
Dug yourself into a landfill trying to avoid your death

Consume me, then remove me, keeping pieces each time
But you can take it all, the soul you know's no longer mine
You told me you would be there if the tables were to turn
But we've been there, and you don't care, I've finally discerned.
Sacrifices made on my end, you needed a warm body
I'll no longer pretend that you've genuinely got me

I keep collecting extra straws because the last one's drawn too soon
I'm rising with the sun and have to let you chase the moon
Selflessly hoping to help you grow attuned
While helplessly knowing that to love, you are immune
I am vulnerable
I rip myself open for you
You pick at what's left of my carcass
As if its always belonged to you
You're filled with inconsistency
But you can always count on me
With you I have to walk on egg shells
One day to the next, I can never tell
If you'll be like this tomorrow
If you'll be the cause of my sorrow
Or if you'll want to be the source
The strong and faithful force
Create a loving course
But you feel no remorse
You give me your shoulder
You give me your hand
Then you turn colder
And say I don't understand
How am I to grasp your intentions
When I have to fight just to keep your attention
And you failed to mention
That you were on the fence when
You decided to pick up and go
Barely a warning, it goes to show
I never cross your mind unless
You feel alone and in distress
You're never there when I'm a mess
But always to take off my dress
I know that it's not just the ***
But your indecisive notions are a stress
I've said it before and I'll say it again
Your lack of compassion's the means to an end
When you are sad
and don't know why
You make excuses
for why you cry
I didn't think I was that bad
but the pills aren't working
and all I want to do is lay in bed
I guess I am that bad
I will be your martyr.
I don't want to see you hurt.
I am a sponge. A black hole. A pin cushion.
Give me your worry and all of your pain.
I am John Coffey. I know how it feels and I am used to it. Add another straw, this camel's back is so worn out. I will lay in the sand and feel it for you. Just do not ask me why I cry when the sun is shining and I am beautiful.
I don't wish to be defined by my beauty
You might not really like me if you knew me
Seasons changed and the wind blew free
Pretty women hold pain, one day you'd see

They smile during rainstorms and cry in the sun
Within the angel is a fully loaded gun
Shoot the arrow, mind is narrow
and while it's easy to find comfort in the curves of her smile
Soul is eternal while beauty just lasts a while.

I don't want my beauty to define me
If you really knew me you wouldn't like me
I don't know what you do to me
I bounce back and forth
But since you've snuck your way into my head and heart
I've found myself enjoying watching basketball a little bit more
And finding characters in movies that remind me of your parents
I feel welcome when I'm at your house
Familiar and rooted in love
We're complex but the right thing will happen on its own
Everything will be alright
I want to love myself
I need me more
than I need anyone else
for if I did not exist
I would not need anyone

I want to love myself
I want me more
than anyone else does
and if I do not want me
why would anyone else?

I want to love myself
so I can say
I love me more
than anyone else
for if I do not love myself
Why the hell would you?
She's probably not a genius
But she probably thinks she is
The way she keeps her eyes closed
for a second after you kiss

She seems to have a lot of good friends
But they're mostly just irrelevant loose ends
So she'll tie them up in a knot
She's so passionate but she forgot
im more mentally ****** up than i ever say*
guilty guilty pleasures, pleasure's all i convey
a rush outside of my comfort zone
i mostly want to be all alone
all the time, tell me lies
turn me on, hypnotized
brainwashed by your disguise
getting off and getting high
bad boys lurk among the good
bad boys are misunderstood
You never support the ideas that I have
We're two different people, I'm not saying it's bad
Maybe we just aren't as good a match as we believed
You hide behind your ego, I wear my heart on my sleeve
Silence says more than speaking.
"I love you," she says, he lays beside her
She moves her fidgety feet (which are quite small
compared to his) and wraps them around his,
sliding down his ankles with her cold toes
Interlocking calves like seaweed
wrapped into an underwater tumbleweed.
feeling the warmth
of the life she shares this moment with..
It is happening
And all she can think is
Does he see the beauty in this encounter?
Or does he filter with black and white corneas..
blind, with a lack of direction, complete ambivalence?

Some use words as a way of acceptance
Instead of the internal gateway the words should create
A path to a place of purity and understanding
They transform the vocal into a middle man
starting low, skipping the heart and exploding
Like lava from a volcano;

A hot and heavy start
Ends with a broken heart
Friends and friends again
Time should tell you when.
It's time to retire your energy
when you go from giving the utmost effort
to fueling your spite with the poison you spit at his heart
And even though sometimes the good outweighs the bad
The devil is always sitting on his shoulder, wrinkling his shirt
and mouthing every word you swore you'd never hear again
I have so much to say to you
so much, in fact,
that I'll stay silent tonight
I left the door cracked for you
You never had my back, did you?
I didn't leave it open for you to come and go as you please
But rather so we'd know we weren't here to deceive
I guess you took advantage, I guess I didn't see
That behind that cracked door was another just like me
Your intention was to get me, and to get me to believe
That it was all the real thing and it was only me
I have to close the door, turn the lock and take your key
I wish it wasn't so, it was me who can't believe
I wish that I could slam the door and exit angrily
But I am not like you and wish you were more like me
I know inside a part of me wants to hide a key
In case you're in the area and decide that you are free
I don't know what I'm thinking, you've done these wrongs to me
You made me feel important, but you have a set of keys
She rests her head on the belly of his guitar while he strums and plucks,
feeling the vibrations and thinking how the moment might last longer if she resists the urge to let her heavy eyelids fall..
but since the soothing sounds are so sweet she slowly but surely succumbs to sleep
and dreams
while he keeps strumming along, playing his favorite songs
My flask empties
My worry empties
My bowl empties
My boredom empties

My mind empties
My notebook fills
My heart pours out
My eyes sit still

With substance,
comes stimulus
With this,
comes my remiss
to anything and everything
but the taste of your kiss.
But sometimes doesn't frequent the way the love stories make you out to be
Show me you know the difference between the boy in you and maturity.
I feel forgotten, like the jewelry in my wallet, swimming amongst valueless coins that will one day come in handy, so I keep them there in case exact change is the easy way out. Ironically, change is never easy.
I'm your easy way out. Here when you need me. Here when you want me. But I always want you. It isn't fair. Why am I an option? Why was she there? No one else has slept in my bed. No one else has appeared in my head.
Sometimes you're the one when you decide I'm worth your time.
Sometimes you're the one if you have nowhere else to hide.

But sometimes is not a word in fairytales
and I am a dreamer.
My poems are of you
I wonder if you knew
But just what would you do
If I wrote of someone new?

How would it make you feel
To read the words so real

"I'm moving on
now that you're gone.

I've said it plain as day."

Would you cringe at the sight?
Would you stay up at night?
To know my love for you
may fade away?

No, you would be fine.
It's me who's out of line.
But I'll get mine.
I'm not fully ready to be with you
I am still figuring myself out
But what if being ready is a myth
Fabricated by those who let fear win
I don't want to let this linger any longer
I need you under my skin
I need you in my veins
In my sheets
In my arms
You have been in my mind
Since the fourth of July
And I can't stand pretending anymore
I know it's not smart
But I need to follow my heart

..And it leads me to you.
"Thanks a lot. I’ve been disadvantaged from the start. You constrict the veins heading straight to my head. Re-routed the blood to my heart instead. I am brain dead, thinking strictly in blues and reds. Oh, I’m in enough trouble, man. Oh man, I’m in trouble again."

Why did I let it happen?

This is what I was scared of.

Not the exact situation but the emotion

I never thought it would be like this..

I was expecting an internal affair far too strong to share myself for long

I was weak

I am weak

"I know you think you know, but these eyelids are windows that shut you out from all the things that I don’t want you to know. And I refuse to tell you one single secret I own, ‘cause you’ll find I’m petrified of your eyes."

Your eyes tell such truths. Truths I sometimes can’t handle.

I look at you and know I’m wrong, and know you feel like crying

And all I can say is

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry…I don’t know where to go from here.
I still get butterflies when you're on my mind
This feeling stays with me most of the time
I don't feel at home no matter where I go
I never have and fear I will never know

But your lips and those eyes, your hand in mine
Your love and embrace, all I see is your face
It's the closest to home that I ever feel
What we were wasn't perfect but it was so real

Patiently waiting, I'll try to remain
Afraid to approach you, not sure you're the same
But that is my fault, you are not to blame
For putting your walls up, you blew out your flame
unfinished.
I want to break down in front of a stranger
I don't want them to ever know my name
I feel safer spilling my doubts on paper
I want to hear from those who feel the same
knowing you're out there living, experiencing without me
it doesn't feel right and it never will
i don't want to hear stories
i don't want to see pictures
i want to tell the stories with you and laugh about things that aren't that funny unless you were there
i want to take pictures for you like i used to, and i want you to take pictures of me when i'm not paying attention..you always take good ones

are you a stranger now?
i have a feeling you'd treat me like one if we crossed paths again
one step forward
ten steps back
glass that's falling
will soon crack
it always gets better before it gets worse
but better isn't coming and i am a curse
falling forever like alice down the hole
breaking on the way down, ill never be whole
faith in tomorrow and faith in myself
isn't enough to escape from this hell
If I would take a bullet in the chest for you why do I refuse to talk about the future? We both quiver at the thought of forever, yet we hold so tightly to the idea of prolonged togetherness.
I am a passenger, riding shotgun unbuckled, daydreaming about destinations and awaiting their arrival.
But the road never ends and the numbers on the exit signs just grow and grow
and I'm fighting to widen my heavy eyelids
and before I know it I'm out of gas,
but when I raise my head and turn to the left, I face the harsh truth of an empty drivers seat
and can't recall the moment I was forced to do it myself.
Poetry is all about
portraying emotions without
the need for ground rules
which makes it totally cool
for this line not to rhyme with the next....
...Even though it may flow better if it did.
Was a quick **** more important than my trust?
Three strikes and you're out, your chances are up

I'm throwing in the towel
Your thoughts must be so shallow
Never thinking through the decisions that you make
Never realizing what you're throwing away

Impulse is understandable
You should know I understand
I just wanted honest answers
I'm sure it was unplanned

It's the dishonesty that truly bothers me
I'd sell myself out to let you know I'm really me
But you're quite the opposite, I really just don't see
How you hold your head up high and deny reality

Has my faith in you been a mistake since day one?
I've stood up for you since our friendship had just begun
I thought you'd have my back and be there for me too
I guess you simply lack to see the good in me..
we're through
You could slam the door in my face and I would feel guilty for standing so close to it
Cravings take me over and I'm right back where I started
All progress lost for a temporary lust
"I wanna give up giving in"
But I'll always let you win
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