The devil told me to hush
*i listened

I've been off round one for a while now.
Since then my anxiety has grown ten times its size.

My grip on life has gotten loose somehow.
Now I'm scared when people look into my eyes,

They'll catch a glimpse of something they don't need to see.
A boy lost out at sea.

My chest has caved in, I need air.
I'm staring at the sky because I know it's there.

So why do I struggle to breathe it in.
Or feel it against my skin.

Images of your face crowd my mind.
Beauty in all you are.
I found that picture from when we where kids.
Best friends then
Best friends now.
But there is something i havnt told you.
See i think i love you.
I find myself thinking about you more than a friend should.
I think about how much we've grown together.
I think about the times ive cried on you, and you on me.
All the times you have told me you might sorta like me.
I want to be more, best friend.
Usually lovers are best friends.
And i feel our connection goes beyond holding hands.
We should be cuddling in my old treehouse.
We should be us
Best friend,
*be my girlfriend?

I feel like im wrestling with love.
Its choking me
Its punching my ribs
So many times
I have believed in love,
And each time
The haven i build only burns down
I am left with the smallest frown.
I fight for love,
But it dies anyways.
Numerous times i have gone up to bat
But my heart recieved its third strike
My heart has been shot
My heart has been strewn everywhere.
Little pieces reside in memories.
I have fallen so many times
Scraping my knees each time.
I get hurt too much,
But yet
I still believe.
I believe there is a girl
Who believes there is a boy
That will understand her.
That will understand me.
Even though i still havnt seen its full effect yet,
i am willing to die
**for what could be

A scream in the next bedroom
I squeeze my earbuds in deeper.
Constant thudding
Sobs grow louder.
untill her mouth is covered
I rub my temples.
My head is pounding
Just as hard
As my heart.
My moms a victim.
She resembles it every time she cooks for him
His words like fire
Amd
His fists like lighting,
always striking somewhere
Tears are welling up in the corner of my eyes
My toungue burning with desire
For revenge.
Thwack
Thwack.
A boom at the wall.
all i see is black
Mom
Please fight back.
Please.
Sobbing
Fear
And then suddenly
*nothing

I feel like an anchor sinking down to the bottom of the sea.
A strong hold that's taken grasp upon me.
I know I can fight my way above the water.
But somehow I keep sinking down further and farther.

At that moment I realized it might be the end.
And every time I feel my body let go, I'm back above the surface once again.
I don't know what my purpose in life is.
So I stare at myself in the mirror just looking into my iris.

Nothing but pitch black, a sky without stars.
A boy covered in scars,
Someone with heart;
Who's been torn apart.

The beautiful face i saw every day
waving at me but i can't say hello
because its not my day.
The day will come when i will respond
it will be the day when we will have that bond.
She will wait for me outside the subway
and i'll go hug her in every beautiful way.
We will have the life we wanted
and none will intrude because
its my day.