I miss you
God, how I miss you
I've never missed anyone the way that
I miss you
Right now
Why can't you be here?
And I don't want to miss you
I know
There's no hope in yesterday
But only in tomorrow
Hope that you'll return
How naive of me to think you'll return
I know
It's just
I miss you
Its hard
Being without you, living without you
Anything without you
Is pain
Because part of me knows
You don't miss me
You're not writing poems describing just how bad
You miss me
But yet I still can't stop
Missing you
I guess after all that we've been through
I'm allowed to miss you
Sorry to be a bother
I just
Miss you

I want to beat my fists against your chest
to make your heart feel
every aching beat my heart feels
when I see you with her.

I want to cut you down the middle
to make your body feel
every aching cut my body feels
when she calls you hers.

I want to shove your head underwater
to make your lungs feel
every aching gasp my lungs feel
when you kiss her lips.

I want to submerge you in a bath of ice
to make your soul feel
the aching chill my soul feels
at the sight of you holding her.

Most of all I want to let you go
to make my icy heart,
to make my aching soul
heal and become whole again.

To be loved by a writer
Is to be immortalized
You will live on forever in her writing
Your quirks,
Your ideas,
Your insecurities,
Writers notice everything
And we never forget
You might catch her smiling at you
For what seems like no reason at all
But she's just trying to describe
The exact color of your eyes

To be loved by a writer
Is to have your entire relationship in written word
All you have to do is read and re-live everything again
Your first kiss,
Your first fight,
Your first date
Nostalgic memories in chronological order
And you may even learn something you never knew
Since everything will be in her point of view

To be loved by a writer
Is to see her frustration
Because she wishes she could be an artist
Since no words serve you justice
She wishes she could just paint a picture
And then they would understand
Because no amount of words could perfectly depict
Your hair sticking up,
Your abundance of freckles,
You wearing glasses
She gets upset when she thinks
She'll never fully portray all the things you say and do
But she'll never run out of ways to say "I love you"

To be loved by a writer
Is to be eternal
And to never fully disappear
And no matter what, she'll see you everywhere
Even when she opens her mind and escapes reality
Because she is the writer
And you are her writing
For you own her heart
From which her words flow

I am a terrible student
I can't focus
I rarely study
If I know an answer I don't know how

I am a terrible employee
I get angry at customers
I'm not always in a good mood
And I've made a target of myself

I am not a good daughter
I've lied
Cheated
And I start fights and argue all the time

I am a good friend
There is nothing I wouldn't do for a friend
I would drop anything
And run to help a friend

I am a good girlfriend
I'll kiss you when you are sick make you better
Do whatever you want
Anything to be with you

I am a good sister
I will beat up a **** who messes with you
I will tell you when you're being stupid
And I'll do everything I can to make you smile

I am a good Aunt
I tell the kiddos how the Doctor keeps away the monsters
I hold them when they cry
And kiss away the booboos

I may not be good
Not all the way through
But parts of me are
And that is who I am

Bricks lay upon you when
You try to love again
It's never easy
To pretend
Like you
Never
Cared

You gave your heart
You gave your heart
Only to be crushed
Burned into ashes

Never did you meet
Such a person
Of interest

You tried to see
The good in love
All you got was
Memories
Heartbreak
And a whole lot
Of pain, so discreet
Yet, it left you weak
Love can be
A beast
Death in
Disguise

for the people who made my days
the people who perked their ears up
when my unattended fire hose
started to spray bile like rainbows in the sky
for the people who put their word behind my name
the silent friends who never knew it
for every single person who took the time
to define the way my mind unwinds
the people who had advice to give
the people who had nothing but adoration
these words sometimes fall flat
and my mood can be at rock bottom
but I never stop thinking of you all
the ones who pulled me up
when I was all but ready to give up
a simple thank you is order
thank you.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.


translated by W.S. Merwin