I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

"Give me a good reason,"
the exasperated gangster-father
quizzes his son,
"why you flunked your school exams"

"Well, dad,"* says the spoiled brat
*"they locked us all up in a hall
and they asked us questions
five days in a row -
but all five days I never
gave them a word
Everybody else - the cowards -
spilled the beans!"

so my little girl Joanne was sick
slight fever and just looking weak
so I took her to the doctor
a kind old man with a calm voice
and he looked at Joanne and he said:
"So what's bothering you, my dear?"

and Joanne answered
at lightning speed:
*"Anne, my little sis! She's always
wanting my lollies!"

I hate school
because teacher Giraffe is always
picking on me
in his high and lofty manner
He's always pointing at me
with his prehensile tongue
and snorting: "Maybe you'd
like to stop laughing
and share your joke
with the rest of animal class?"

But I don't know no joke;
I just laugh

so King Lion
summoned us for a meeting
and King sat on his throne
and before he started
the King looked in my direction
and he roared:
"Hyena - don't you dare laugh;
here in Council what we deliberate over
is no laughing matter"

And I ****** in my pants
(in a manner of speaking)
and sat throughout the meeting
trembling in fear, as it seemed
to the King -
but also because I had to keep
my suppressed laughter
rocking in my tummy
throughout the meeting

Mike said
I'm the prettiest girl
he's ever met
so I let him
jump in

Carl made me
feel special
he said he'd never seen
anyone so pure
so in the back of his car
I let hm in

Rob said he'd rob
the world, go to jail
do anything I told him to do
so in the garden
I let him plant himself in

George wrote poetry;
he described my eyes
and my face and my walk
and he said he'd love me
forever, it was destiny brought
us together -
could he see more, please?
So I let him do everything
so he could make divine poetry

*Now I can't find any
of these guys
and they don't return my calls -
what happened
to their fine words and promises?

I got a hundred shoes
in pairs, of course
and a wardrobe fit for a Princess
I got the bed
carved with gold trimmings
from the best end of town;
and a range of the best wigs -
all human hair,
third world crop no doubt
but at first world cost for sure


that all took me into bad debt
credit card and all
so when debonair James
asked me to marry him
I grabbed him lips to lips -
now he's paying through his nose



MORAL of  TODAY'S POEM
so those of you guys
who are naive
you get caught;
those who are smart
you better use your head
before you put your knees on the floor

we were deeply in love
my new girlfriend and I
and we sat under the trees
in the open fields in the starlight
and she whispered to me:
"Will things ever change?"
And I whispered back, as I nibbled at her ears:
"Nothing will ever change, sweetheart"

Then she got pregnant
and everything changed

I changed my address, my work
my phone number and my email address
my routine and my weekend haunts -
*everything changed

1
I see you, ya
I may be finger-punching
my smart phone at the dining table -
but darling, I see you, yeah
We’re seated at the table
you say something
but you think I’m listening to
Taylor Swift on Youtube
True - but hey,
I see ya, I hear you
I hear both of you
I multiply, I multi-task you see

2
I’m walking along the shops
I’m pushing the pram
with my baby inside
and I’m updating status
on the phone too
and getting that download –
but hey, stranger round the corner
I see you, ya, don't ya worry; yeah I see
my baby and I see you
stranger round the corner –
but hey, watch where your going

3
hey - I see you guys, I see you
no doubt all day I sit
in my couch tapping away
on my new supersize phone
but I’m smart hey – I see you guys
I see you my darling at the kitchen –
get me another coffee, will ya
And I see the kids glued to their sets
and little Toby our kitten
curled at my feet – why, thank you
for the coffee;
darling, can you
put a few cans of beer in the fridge –
see? I see ya, yeah…I see you all