have not yet found out who i am
who i wanna be
all i know is am not ready
to take responsibility of my actions
and the pressure
the expectation
to have everything under control
is depressing

I guess I am not lucky
I guess I am not loved
I have always tried to make it right
but somehow, it's like nothing works right

after all the past that happened
I just want to be happy
I am desperate for love
I just wanted the best for you too

a smile on my face
is too much to ask for
can't I just look at myself in the mirror and smile
and like the guy I see on the other side

my birthdays are like easter
commemorating the day someone died
valentines just never worked for me
I always cried out of heartbreak or family break

is being happy
too much to ask for
is loving someone
too much to ask for

Asa nisi masa

Broken and shattered
She crushed me and I'm tattered
My heart fragile as glass in pointed pieces
I thought she was special but she's an evil angel
Tear in my eye,  on its way down
But boys don't cry, do they?

Walking down the alley with my headphones loud
Listening to Tentacion and Del Rey
Bad boys in front of me, demanding am the worst
First fist pay me black eye
Insults on my gender, for the tear on my eye
Because boys don't cry, do they?

My boss at the cafe yell at me
I tried making the best Kenyan tea
The customer just could not take my service
Claimed I was rude after the names he called me
Evening, fired and tired
Get a cigar to drown my emotions
For boys don't cry, do they?

Expected to be the best
Expected to be perfect
Mama told me boys don't cry
For weakness ain't a thing for me
But I'm the weakest being
And I can't cry, should I?

It's always me
It has always being
I'm the bad guy
He's your favorite
Then it's better if i went
You won't miss anyway
Good bye

I'm looking for someone to put up with my *******
Lonely, I got no one to disturb with my cuddles
Last month she went crying
I broke her heart, it was a mistake
I didn't mean it

Now I'm drunk with Captain Morgan
He can't take me home, his ship sank
Staggering back home I could only think of her
Wish I never held her with my careless hands
And I can't take this cold anymore I need a sweater.

Could it be that it was meant to be?
Every moment in life
Every situation in life
Could it be that it was meant to be?
To teach us
To punish us
To **** us
To make us feel alive

crying over you
what a night
what an hour
that you decided to damage mine

being in my head
day in day out
what a time
that you have decided ain't worth it

forever i just wanted to be you
be a legend in my family and no longer the black sheep
something they would have appreciated me for
for it's being real with you, until you thought it fake

i wanna roll up two three joints
forget about you but proving to be farm work
pain crazes my blood down my veins
to fill the hole that you left behind

remember it was the henessy
i would not have known you
now it's the henessy coz i wanna forget about you
no longer love, to hell with just be friends

i now want the money
i now wanna chase the bag
get my accounts overflowing
but ain't gonna fill the hole left behind for sure.

I think I have figured it out
High on **** and smoking them out
She could not even get out
Of my mind

We started together as friends
Then we became close, could tell each everything
I love Doc McStuffins, so I called you Dorc,
Coz you had a little cute flower in your hands,
And a brown stuffing in her hands,

Beautiful she remains
Call me everything nice babe
Lay in her hands, I was okay for once
But she loved me more when I was just but one friend

Supportive I tried to become
But was chained in my legs
Could not move to the next step
Remember all the poems you read before?
She could not take me a ******

I'm gonna give her a friend first
Coz she need to be more of something that's there first
Even for Jesus to be more than a brother first
He got to be a brother first.

is it not life
for me to die for
voices in my head hate it
all speaking different personalities into me

look at me
who am i really
the life i dreamt about as a child
i now live its opposite

ain't life worth dying for
for no life without death
no happiness without anguish
no purpose without mistakes

ain't life worth losing for
ain't a smile on my face worth crying over
ain't a smile on my face worth stressing for
ain't a smile on my face worth fighting for

yet i just feel it's all in vain
life is just the same
not worth dying for
not worth even living for

Today I thought it was Jacqueline.
Then it came to me that I needed to lean
For there was no way I would be excited at trouble

Somebody save me
I don't wanna fall

Curse with your protection spell
I don't wanna hurt

Teach me to love
But don't let me fall in love

I beg you

Still living in the fantasies of love
Walking across the beach
Cuddling in the middle of the pitch
Ignoring all that's around us

Vulnerable I get around you
Watching the stars of the night
Now that I don't got you
All I'm left with are fantasies of love

Flowers everyday
I dream of laughter all day
Wish i could still adore you
But I just got fantasies of you

Watching you sip wine
As I get drunk on old fashioned
My heart pumps for you
I think i still love you

Dreaming of building tree house with you
For you and your daughter
Am happiest around you
But i just got fantasies of you

I have tried.
Never being myself
Don't even know who I am
All i know is I love her
And she gonna hate me if she knew what I really struggle with

I have really tried to be the best
Guess am just ****** up
Too weak to fight myself
And the demons that have allied with my enemy

Can't pray
Trying to fight these crazy thoughts
I need God to save me from myself
Coz I ain't know how to say no
When it's what I am used to press forward

My mentality is sick
My spirit withered
Can't control my emotions
Myself controls me instead
My mind goes crazy and I can't help it

Love is what she deserves in the world
A man, not a boy
A boy who's just trying to fight his way through the world
A boy who's just trying to fit in a world older than him
Just like always

I don't know what and how
My life is a blur
My life is a mess
Pretending that am okay
But even Jesus knows am doomed.

I wanna be happy again
Please let me be happy and okay
Great storms fighting within me
There must be a price to have me completely destroyed
And am too weak to fight this on my own
Sorry I  ain't myself
Help me Lord.

My friends are ghosts
One small mistake and he's gone
One small mistake and another comforts
Got no heart to forgive
But haunt me in my dreams
One I love but can't fight over
Another I hate but is with me anyway
Lucid dreams every day
Apart insomnia every night
In my head they ache me
But at least I got friends, right?
Always with me in my bed
Hey halcie
Don't go
Goldie
Not you too
What you want Hadassah
Come keep me company
And give me some love
At least I got friends,  right?

mercury
good bye mercury
my readers ain't gonna hear of you anymore
why you lied to me
i don't know
why you made me feel ******
you should have spoken out early

you were the only happy thing in my life
you took my soul and melted it
you were the only thing in my life
but the sun is brighter than luna
i understand

is it too much to ask for love
without being left much worse
is that am unlucky in love
or i care too much

mercury, i love you
mercury, i hate you
i left venus for you
the prettiest of them all
but i am just but a luna

I think I'm ready now
I think it's okay now
I still remember the night sky
The twinkling stars in your eyes

I couldn't keep you
I couldn't give you
For you deserved it
Better than he gives

You were happy
Took to some place
To show that you care
Was it Enough? No

Stop thinking about it
Your heart's bleeding dry
Your eyes hurt but no tears are out
You are turning into stone

Don't remember the kiss
The passionate cuddles
The moments spent in darkness
She don't wanna talk about

Don't scratch the scar
You got no blood left
High and dry
You are turning into stone

Strange
You were drunk and miserable
Then happy and fulfilled
And back to drunk and ******

Don't think about it
Your heart's already dry
You see no more
You've turned into stone

Waking up
From a death sleep
Zombie tomato-red eyes
Got no plan of day

Never the same
Yesterday was a blur
No memories registered
Not myself

She drowned with her lover
In the sea of tears and pain
I got caught
By the devil of goodness and love

I was so used to be afraid of the dark
Now I don't mind a ghost in my bed
Clearly I am not enough
Only for people who hate themselves.

Life no fair
Heartbreaks and hearts tear
Is there not any more joy for those living
For even in the brightest of days
Is still dark

We all lose someone
Whether we hated or loved them
Still it makes the heart ache
Will generations love life
Or destroy themselves in fear of tomorrow

Suicidal even in a new day
Hateful in a new morning
Empty and dead one is
Rotting on the inside
Can one ever live again

We just walking corpses
Souls left the body struggling to survive
Yet all shall be okay,  I think so
All will be fine,  let's pray
In this life or the next.

I'mma be happy
I'mma be high
I'mma remain silent
I'mma party all day

I'mma push everyone away
I'mma rule my kingdom
I'mma not stop smiling
I'mma not stop being weird

I'mma not look back
I'mma not regret
I'mma get all that I want
And a good RIP at the end of it all

I'mma not care
I'mma live to my fullest
With my unwell mind
I'mma not care about who loves or not

I need you silence

Done with exams
Done with tests
Degree accorded
Headwear in the air
But why do I struggle to be happy
I just did it daddy

Gown all day
Hood in the wrong position
Party rest of the day
Sunday stuffed with meat
Aunties are glad for me
I just did it mummy

Lecturers glad am finally gone
Chancellor with his vice
Certificate colorful
Time to commit a felony
But why do I struggle to be happy
For me and my achievement

How do i forget
That you fought my demons
That you gave up on me
That you never gave me a chance

How do I forget
That it's not you anymore
That i messed things up
That you messed them even further

How do I forget
Of our good times
Of the memories
Of the fun

It'll be okay
I will just get sleeping pills
I will have to let you go
It's over

Maybe I'm just foolish
Trying my luck with you over and over
Maybe I'm just mad
Trying everytime expecting different results
Maybe I'm just addicted
Begging for coins just to have you
Maybe I'm obsessed
Thinking about you everyday
Maybe I'm stupid
Not admitting you are wasting my time
Maybe I'm naive
Not knowing which road I should take
Maybe I'm just but a guy in love
Not caring of what others think when I'm with you.

She is amazing
My morning star
The gods bow down to her
In her presence, all I can say is your Highness

She is nothing like the Universe has seen
Born one week before Christmas
She must be the one that guided the Maggi to Jesus

She walks majestically
The birds just can't help but sing
Nature itself is proud of her creation

She must have come from heaven
Coz she has divided my heart and thoughts
Almost to the bone and marrow

Galileo was amazed of her
He must be lucky who that shall have her
I already consider myself lucky falling for her

Space and time conjecture
Just couldn't help but let me be with her
For some time
Around her space
Is little heaven to me

Her eyes are like two golf *****
Marked with the cutest pattern of iris
Brown with shade of black
Or is it vice versa
That's the mystery of her

Not even Romeo and Juliet
Solomon in all his wisdom
Can explain the fire that is rekindled
Everytime I look into her eyes

I love her
She  loves me, maybe
But all I know is
My kingdom is void without her
For she completes me in a way like never before

Mercury
Every morning I would think of you
Every night I hated to see you leave
Wish I kissed you

Three months I waited
Now I hate it that you probably found another
I knew you were the best of me
Now I don't even love Christmas

I feel wasted
Roses and cigarettes as I think of all the times
All the times I could be there for you
Hating myself for not being patient enough

Romeo and Juliet
I said couldn't understand the way of this emotion
Now I understand why
Why they could die for me and you

I'm sorry
Please don't leave
You carry the light
Morning star

I was a fool to say I couldn't wait any more
But I need to know
Please tell me
Do you still love me?

Or was the gold worth nothing to reflect on?
I still love you Mercury.

mercury
made so pretty
lighting up my every morning
you get me mad
you make me happy
but you don't wanna be with me

mercury
so smily
so shimmy
you've brought me back
you've pushed me back in
shining so bright
carried me through the dark
there you left me

mercury
i still love you mercury
but i don't want to be with you
unless you come back for me
i don't think i like you anymore

mercury
making me teary
after all i did to charm you
but still you leave
back close to the sun god

mercury
just let me be
just let ms be now

i'm not messy
i'm just messed up
my room's floor is clean
but i got ***** laundry in every corner of my room
bed's not made
sheets clean
and i like it messy
i feel at home in chaos
i feel safer in mess
but i'm not messy
i'm just messed up.

looked up to the meteor showers
ain't they pretty?
then she came into my mind
just turned down my offer
after everything that i went through
but she can't understand the pain
when her life's so perfect
when all she needs are instas and tweets

hey darling
even after all these years
i find it strange that i remember you
but how can one forget a fairy tale

my angel
though human, you still come and go
delivering your message of broken love
till next time, bye bye???

yet i still revere you
my angel
my morning star

yours truly,
mercury

I just had a dream
She gave me the kiss
That changed my life.
I can still feel it on my lips

My silhouette
You tie me to my core
You get me everything
My everything

That which burns brightest
Burns fastest
But you keep me burning
My everything

I see darkness in light
you see light in my darkness
I love you
My everything

Do you still think lowly of me
My love
Do the heavens lie to you about me
Am I not capable of making you happy
Am I not supposed to see you smile

Can you hold me please
For the world is against us and the in between
Can you please come close
Let your light chase my demons away

Could I chase away the fear in you
Hold me tight for it will be okay
They won't bite princess
For you are a goddess

Kiss me
Stick with me
**** him
And don't let anyone define who you love.
My love.