when you speak,
colors drop from
your lips.
when i first met
you, my world
was so bright.
i think you
blinded me.
now all i can see
is black
and the world
isn’t beautiful
anymore

I like to think about her pleasing you
the sloppy drunken kisses planted
her fingers hastily unzipping your pants
hands groping your naked hips
that she would kneel before you
as if pleging her allegiance to you
working her hardest to draw out
sunflowers in fauvist orange
her tongue spiraling around
edges of your handsome sweetness
I only wish you could've enjoyed it
felt easy enough to love others back
there is not enough of it in this world
let her take you in if you'd like
your pleasure and happiness comes first
all I love deserves to be shared and seen
there is no point to hidden artwork
or unheard music, no matter how gorgeous
love, too, ought to be shared

I remember when I started drinking
myself to excess and I thought of you
how you didn't deserve such a **** friend
who couldn't keep their life from spiraling

I protected you the only way I knew how
pushing you away hurt but it was right
though I felt like you were, at that moment,
the last string tethering me to existence itself

I knew I was no good for you the way I was
though I wanted to call or text dozens of times
tell you about getting in to school or how
I had both fallen in love (and lost them entirely)

it was easy to go back to friendship
we're both the same people
we both love and care about each other
I don't miss what we had, because it's still here

you ever meet someone and think... yeah.
they're worth breaking my heart over.

you have been in a hard place for too long
your unhappiness is a dark alley
whether it was a bad left or turn wrong
you are now wandering through death valley

you never wanted this, you say aloud
closing your eyes and waiting for an end
until the day you seize heavens and clouds
and the nightmare itself, I watch you fend

see you rebel against your binding chains
the taste of sweet defiance on your lips
a revolution shoots through every vein
insurgency whispers from every tip

now your days become yours, and yours alone
while I marvel and watch you take your throne

you loved wild flowers
like lavender
intense purple silk
against your edges
I watched you bloom
your petals opaque
brilliance spills like dew
intensity and fearlessness
a spirit so wild and bold
that it doesn't care about
who it touches or hurts
you say wildflowers have
no thorns but I could've sworn
these cuts didn't exist before you

I've loved many boys
With different colored eyes
But the way I remember them is
By the shape of their hands

The way their thumbs curved
Or how their palms felt against my own
The weight of them on my thighs
Or how they ran through my hair

The times they zipped up my dress
And settled on my shoulders
The moments when they grazed my own
As they handed me my keys

The motion of them as they spoke
And the motionless of them when they were silent
The smoothness of them in the beginning
And the calluses after time had passed

Sometimes, I forget the faces of these boys
Or the way their voice sounded over the phone
But I'll never forget the way it felt
With their hands intertwined in my own