I've loved many boys
With different colored eyes
But the way I remember them is
By the shape of their hands

The way their thumbs curved
Or how their palms felt against my own
The weight of them on my thighs
Or how they ran through my hair

The times they zipped up my dress
And settled on my shoulders
The moments when they grazed my own
As they handed me my keys

The motion of them as they spoke
And the motionless of them when they were silent
The smoothness of them in the beginning
And the calluses after time had passed

Sometimes, I forget the faces of these boys
Or the way their voice sounded over the phone
But I'll never forget the way it felt
With their hands intertwined in my own

the sun always sets.
it always leaves me.

the rope dangles like a noose
I would beg for your sweet abuse
tell me how to hurt for fun
tie me up and come undone
paint my ankles with your thread
fibers rub to crimson red
I'm strong enough to take it
to your love I will commit
tell me all you plan to do
desire and come into
feel your fervour through the rope
feel your tongue against me *****
your need becomes mine to fill
tie me up, I'll be your thrill

I find myself craving you
You're the thing I want most
That I know I can't have
For it is the forbidden fruit
That tastes all the more sweeter

you bring me your darkness
like a fat house cat
who has killed a mouse
placing it at my feet
still squirming
and you, proud
very well, I mumble
you're a formidable hunter
vulnerability is striking
yours ought to be celebrated
but darkness never dies easy
it chokes and sputters
and runs off with final breath

you once called me your dream girl
I was terrified that some day you'd wake up

I am haunted by memories
so dated and fake
remembering your face
the night you drowned in the lake
the way your hair tangled and laced
pruned fingers and bloated hands
your eyes long gone black
the final grains of sand
your brow already slack
"you promised me an always"
I mumbled, quietly
your body upwards lay
floating in the sea
through puffed cheeks
I could've sworn I saw
the words I so seeked
move from your jaw
"I'm sorry," you said
"we had a merciful end,
but long since I've been dead
at my will you should not bend"
and I understood now
all you meant and said
the permission you allowed
words replayed through my head
and I found a way to let you go