swear a lot
yell with the loudest voice
take control of the media
make very loud and convincing claims that everyone is a racist, bigoted, hatemonger
dodge every question that has a "yes or no" answer

congrats
you just won the votes of the ignorant idiots of America.

sometimes it creeps into the bones in my knees and it gives me artist's arthritis
i massage myself with the dull point of a pencil,
listening to the soothing sound of my thoughts coming to life

and sometimes an idea will crawl into my ear and lay its eggs there
if my passion is warm enough, they are incubated on the inside of my skull and crack open without warning

and to clear my head of the leftover eggshells, i have to play minesweeper for days on end

wond'ring when my days will end
and if my poetry will still be breathing

i am a tumbleweed
i gather dustbunny thoughts and entertain them with a tea party in my living room

i am a scarecrow that doesn't want to be looked at
but the ravens all come
they stare and oggle anyway
making me blush

i am a girl with a huge heart who doesn't want to be loved
because things that are cherished and wanted hurt people more when they break

i prefer being a sock without a match

I would see him in the mornings
He
Like me liked to get to work early
gently puffing away on his cigarette
The Man in the building who smokes
I thought he was a little scary
at first
seemed grumpy and aloof
gray and wrinkled
lines forming around his mouth
like bowing natives around a fire
The Man in the building who smokes
was actually kind of funny
when I (you?) got to know him
Standing outside
rain - sleet - snow
more dependable than the mail
or our couriers
He didn't take anyone's guff
and could tell you a million jokes
if you had a bad day
He even figured out where the buildings property stopped
so he could continue being
The Man in the building who smokes
I took some days off
and then it got busy
days turning into weeks
I asked my co worker if he has seen
The Man in the building who smokes.

Dear you,
I hope you know that no boy is ever worth saying yes when you really mean no. If he really loves you, he'll understand. You don't need validation from anyone. You're beautiful on your own, in your own way. You may not be perfect, but to someone you are. You'll just have to find him. He's out there somewhere. I hope you've already met him, but it's ok if you haven't. There's no need to rush into anything. Except for change. Rush into change because you're afraid of it but it's happening right in front of you and there's nothing you can do about it. So face your fears head-on and embrace the changes in your life. Embrace your sexuality. Embrace your ever-changing moods. Embrace the present, because you'll never get it back. But most of all, embrace yourself. Don't forget to care for yourself, because someday at the end that's all you'll have left. Don't forget it.
Love, you

Doc
I wish I could be half the man you are
The first day I met you
You suffered a stroke.
Drove yourself to the hospital
and still felt bad for breaking our appointment


Doc
You taught me so much
in such short time
You showed me the acorn
That is inside of us all
You taught me how to care for it
And how to help others as well

Doc
You taught me about being
kind and selfless
The we and not the me
You taught me about
Stewardship
Crazyhorse
And other ways of seeing.
About the kids that need a chance
Not to mention a rest
I learned about when you pulled a live grenade
from a soldier's chest

Doc
All I can say is thank you
for sharing your spirit with me

A panic attack has a way of creeping up on you
At the start of one, you always think to yourself
"No this can't be happening"
Much like the feeling you get before you
Throw Up
The heat comes on so strong and forceful
Your internal fire, dead set on burning you
from the core out
You hadn't noticed because your knees just buckled
and you went numb
The tremors
you feel them in your fingers
To your shoulders
To your tounge
Hyperventilating
The extra oxygen
Feeds the flames

Once,
With the help from a Brittle Lake
I was able to prevent this state

Seven bucks to rent a kayak
I sliced into the lake
I paddled and paddled and paddled
My arms were introduced to a new kind of fire
A blue cleansing flame
Take a break and drift
Listen
Breath
Lament
Paddle
Feel the warmth of the sun on your face
Paddling again, now it's the breeze and spray
A smile creeped upon my face
At Lake Brittle I was able to keep the panic at bay

Every night I die
And
Every morning I am born again
But after my shower
I am reanimated

Some days it's musty
Especially after a summer rain
The yellowed steeple chase wall paper peels back in places
It's pretty big for an efficiency
One big room in the top floor
Cut out of an old faded yellow house
It is compartmentalized like a CIA agent
The bathroom is the color of rust
On rainy days the door jam swells
and the wood panelling in the walls heave
The textured ceiling in between
fake styrofoam wooden beams makes
Me feel like I am inhabiting my own cave
or cabin
Many people I know couldn't live like
I do
This is my home
This is my garret
Alone I write.