How should I begin?
Maybe with a question
But I just did
A first impression failed
An old demon that you saw behind my facade
I try,
I try to hide but those piercing eyes
Merely touched the surface of this one sided window of mine,
But I found that they shattered it 
Cause when you have eyes the color of the ocean
The weight of the ocean,
tends to drown me
And as deep as I am,
the pitch black continues to consume
So I assume I should begin with the end because if I continue to sink you'll be the death of me
But they say you've never lived till you've almost died
And you've arisen an addiction of free falling
Or...
Falling on my face
Because that's the only way to get out of this haze
This high state where my brain has no sense of gravity
No sense of anything really
Because my sense of reality has become just a fallacy,
You're my mirage,
My wish upon a star,
Your a dream ,
Just as much as you are a nightmare
When I close my eyes and see that smile I can never tell when I should pinch myself
Awake
Or stay dreaming
Because a dream is a wish the heart makes I learned that watching princess movies hoping that I would be the guy that came in to save the day,
But it seems to me that I always end up being an ogre;
And Shrek was just a fairy tale,
they don't alway get the girl
And no matter how many onion layers i think i may have the scent will still make you cry
And honestly that's why you can never get close to me
But its ok cause I can only postpone the sown truth for so long
So how should I end?
How about,
I'm sorry?

Joy, shining 
Fly, happily
I'm living, 
Please, join in
Knives, slicing 
Eyes, crying 
I'm dying 
Please,don't, let me go
Warmth, sunshine 
Life, thriving 
Birds,singing 
I don't want to go 
I'm, 
So cold 
Death, 
so close 
Please,
don't,
Let 
Me
Go 
White,
Sterile 
IV in my veins 
I'm living
They've imprisoned,
me
in this place 
Sky,***** 
Stars, missing 
I'm stuck on this 
Earth 
I'm, living 
I'm, dying 
This worlds a cruel place 
I'm dying 
I'm living 
I wear my true face
Take this gift for what it is
Please don't let it go

Falling

Falling
With a pair of broken wings and a pained smile on my face as I once again, put on a facade for you,
And wishing I hadn't
Cause putting on the mask of a brave man who thinks he can conquer the world only goes so far as taking that first step,
And I,
I haven't taken it
I've been floating too much in the so far away land of dreams, with galaxies at my finger tips thinking that the bright shining thing in my hands was hope
But it was only expectations
Wishes that were those oh so close but oh so far pots of gold that were just over the rainbow
Cause we all know that if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence we will do everything we can to get there
Not knowing that maybe everything is fine where we are now.

See I was once weightless
No need to worry about tomorrow cause today was what I was living for and the past didn't feel the need to stalk me all the time,
And it's all that it does,
It's in my sleep
My waking dreams
My moments of joy
My misery
The past is that one guy you've known your whole life but didn't realize that he knew you more than you knew yourself
My past has passed the line from staying in my closet to hiding under my bed,
Haunting me
I can hear the crackling of his bones
Trying to slowly take away my hope like a monster takes away a child's innocence
Their weightlessness
And the gravity of the situation is that gravity really only felt the need to fall onto my spine when I told myself,
Wait
I guess it misunderstood that for the word weight cause that's all I have on my shoulders now.
Dead weight that were once wings
So please,
Help me fly again,

Help,
Me,
Fly,
Because I now realize that I'm the only elephant in the room with wings
The one willing to admit he's afraid and still hide in his prison instead of escaping, and yet still hating being alone but unwilling to admit that fear is what controls me.
Stay awake,
That little voice that tickles like the wind like hope on a hot day
I'm trying to find the faults between the lines
Don't know where I'm going
No measure of time,
But i realize now that I see  this finger painted sky.
So every time I close my eyes
It's what I see
It's the way I find hope in this misery.
With a menagerie of feelings to try to control
I'm falling to fill this gaping hole, of emptiness,
Like the facsimile of what humanity was meant to be,
Like metal shells of empty trees
We are only trying to fill this empty God sized hole, of what life used to be
So what I used to be is only able to be free
If I can only stop gravity,
Stop the falling and expectations and turn them into realities
Turn life of eternal falling into a masterpiece
With a painted sky and this raging river of life beneath me
I can finally see that mask on my face is supposed to hide a pained smile.
But I'm not doing it for you,
I'm doing it to hide me,
But i realize now that hiding behind this mask is like trying to go against gravity I'll just let hope take over me.
So, thank you my friend,
You helped me fly, again.

The smell of the dark earth emanates from me,
As the wind tries to kiss my bare skin but only tickles it trying to get my attention like sirens in an empty sea where beauty is found in the trees and these,
Rocks
See,
I was hoping that this life I lived would allow me to stop and smell the roses
But I found that time doesn't care what you want
it only sees straight forward and doesn't care about the means to reach the end,
The,
Final destination,
Whether or not your destined for greatness you're destined for a dead end, which time has orchestrated,
And final dying cries are her symphony
Because you only see how beautiful she is when she's gone,
When your out of time
Because we always want the things we lack and then it's wasted when we have plenty
I live for days wondering which second of the next minute will be my last
Because they say time waits for no man,
It doesn't have the time to as it laps you twice seconds after hearing the gun
And honestly I can tell you now second best is never good enough for me
Especially when you find all that you thought you had worked for turned out to be a lie
See time,
is brutal
Especially when it's wasted,
Because the smell of dark earth emanates from me,
And the wind tries to caress my bare skin
And I see that I should've stopped to smell the roses when I had the chance,
but I learned my lesson too late

You're hard to miss,
As if,
Trying to resist the urge to say something silly
Tip toeing around at two in the morning just to see how fun it will be to see the sunrise peeking over the ocean
Gazing at the stars in the sky as if we'd never seen something so pretty,
Etched into my memory,

You live like your dying,
With a tendency to smile and a hunger to leave earth
If only for so long
I can see it in your eyes
Etched into my memory,

You are lovely
No matter what anyone says
It's a part of you no stupid guy can take away,
Don't give up hope,
It's the one thing that keeps me moving,
It's etched into my memory

You are hard to miss,
Easy to appreciate
And easy to befriend
You're smile is gleaming like the last drops of sunlight on the oceans horizon
Waiting to say goodbye and giving the stars a chance to say hello
Etched into my memory

Don't grow up too fast,
It's a hard thing to do to your soul
And just know that
I'll get the chance see you again some sunny day
So we can say
Hello
It's etched into my dreams

You could learn a lot about yourself in a year,
I know that's a cliche statement,
A given if I should be so bold
But it's something that I haven't thought about till the end,
I learned that I have a tendency to hold onto things that won't hold me back in return,
That I desperately want to love
And that the lines you cast don't always lead to something at the moment,
I learned that time doesn't heal all wounds
And the truth is always the best policy even when it hurts,
And it does.
I learned that I have two ears and one mouth for a reason
Speaking doesn't always have to take your lungs for it to send a message,
and that words have volume,
You have to listen to be a leader
And I hate it when people in charge can't hear how wrong they are sometimes,
You can learn a lot about yourself in a year,
I learned that my freedom comes with a cost
My love should never come with pre requisites
And that my love tends to be acted out  rather then spoken,
I learned that I don't like to be rushed
But I enjoy being fast
I go at my own pace even when every one else would rather walk with the crowd.
I learned that acting drunk can make friends really quickly
And that some people are intimidated by things they don't understand
Do I scare you?

I'm seventeen years old,
My name is of Hebrew origin and means The Lord remembers
Gilbert means bright promise
And my middle name means maker of arrows
I have lived  six thousand five hundred sixty eight days (at the time this was written)
And while I've been alive I've truly been learning how to die,
I lean on the side of danger and enjoy testing my boundaries.
I've learned that the eyes are the window to the soul and if you follow someone's gaze it may reveal things you didn't want to know.
I learned that monsters are scary because they are human and anyone is capable of evil
I learned that I'm afraid of becoming somebody I'm not and losing the people I care about
I've learned that you can also find miracles in the messes and but you have to look at the bad sometimes to see the good
I don't like being the reason people are gone, and I would go to the four corners of this round world to gain the forgiveness of someone.
I **** at math
I have a short attention span and I like to focus on things that aren't noticed most of the time.
Like that wall over there

I've learned that moments are worth more than gold
Everything happens for a reason
Love is irrational
I need to keep my friends close because time moves quickly
Keep your eyes open
Forgiveness is hard but so is accepting your wrong
I've learned to not believe in coincidences,
I've learned that it's not my place  to judge others and every good gift and perfect gift is from above
Friends are the reason you can't have nice things
And the truth always comes out now matter how much you try to hide it
I've learned how to say just enough that it won't get me in trouble
Scars are tattoos with better stories
I guess you could say I'm tatted
I've learned a lot in a year
A week is full of treasures
Friends are every where you just have to look
And you are friends of mine

You could learn a lot in a year
I know it's a cliche statement
I've been bold enough to say so

As a child
I wasn't really afraid of the dark,
There weren't really monsters in my closet and the feeling of checking under my bed was never something that I had to fear,
But as I grew older,
I learned that the monster was always in a far away place,
I learned in school that monsters didn't really exist and there was nothing I should have to fear,
I grew up in a Christian home
Learning that in some way I needed to be saved and I accepted that protection
Learning that living in hell for eternity was worth being saved from
But in my innocence I forgot about the monsters that live here
As planes are crashed into buildings
And snipers in cars
Inciting terror upon innocence
As a child in a free nation is oblivious to the fact that there is something to truly be afraid of
Something that's hidden
The cracks in the glass of this facade only seem to spider across the dark crevices of my brain wishing to...
Wishing to be free
Clawing their way up my throat
Asking for forgiveness instead of permission
Wishing to let go of their bonds because the only thing that's keeping them there is the thought that they could be kept at bay
Brittle chains with keys in the locks and the only thing that stops them from being set free is us
I've been told the eyes are the window to the soul
That if you look closely you can see their thoughts and desires
And demons
And as it turns out I'm blind to the fact that when I try to look in the mirror
That monsters won't chase me in my sleep and claw away at my soul

That no one is in control of the monsters
The monsters are in control of me.

Humanities greatest lie is that we can save our selves.
The monsters won't be free because we won't let them take control until they do
And this great deception has conceived this monstrosity that nobody has seen because everyone is afraid to look inside ourselves to see how awful the wound really is
We can't see our own glass houses caving in
The monstrosities of this world are our own creation
With homicidal tendencies
and a Picasso like disposition
Spraying our own blood upon this ripped apart canvas and calling it art

As a child I was told monsters didn't exist
That, the monsters were in a far away place
They couldn't attack me in my sleep and that there was nothing to fear in this world
I just didn't realize it was all in my head.

As children we are afraid of the monsters under our bed
Asking our parents to look under neath them for us so that they can prove that it's just our imagination,
"There's nothing to be afraid of" they tell me
Running to the parents room in the middle of the night to ask to stay with them because we don't grasp the reason why we are scared to begin with.
I wonder if nightmares are from the monsters trying to be free
Breaking out of their shackles of our parents lies telling us that monsters don't exist,
That there's nothing you have to fear because the monsters can't touch you.
And you as an innocent young child convince yourself that they only tell you facts because you can't comprehend that,
It's all in your head,
The greatest lie that the devil ever told was that he didn't exist,
The second is that there are no monsters,
Lying to ourselves cause we are the monsters
And they lie to us so we put them off as non existent
It was all... in my head.

I'm gonna ask you to look in my eyes,
I wonder,
I wonder if you can see mine