And I'm stuck.
I'm stuck on the freckles painted on your skin.
I'm stuck on your gentle carresses of your soft but rough hands, tracing endlessly pointless patterns on my back.
I'm stuck on your raspy voice after you've been laying with me for a while and are beginning to fall sleepy.
But I'm also stuck on the weeks of silence.
I'm stuck on the broken promises.
I'm stuck on the false hope.
I'm stuck on how one year ago, or even five months, you said you loved me to no end.
You said you'd never leave again.
It ended.
You left.
And I'm stuck.

february fourteenth was coming and I
imagined ways you would try to get me back.
I counted a dozen rose petals and ended
on "he loves me"
oh, how beautiful would it be if a rose could
tell me that you love me?
I laid in bed counting the glow-in-the-dark stars
that we put on my ceiling that one snowy night.
you had told me "whenever the world casts a shadow
or makes your life like a blizzard, and you are for some
reason unable to see the stars that make you smile,
look at your ceiling and know that my love and their
light will shine down on you."
oh, baby, I'm counting them and looking for your love
but the only thing I can feel is your absence.

Looking into the vast sea,
unable to gaze into the endless ocean,
the reflection staring back at me,
oblivious to the surrounding commotion.
As our sails are set on fire,
the hole from the cannon is gaining water,
I can see i am about to retire,
as the pirates begin their slaughter.
First they slice my heart in half,
stomping upon it with a laugh,
then my soul is destroyed,
creating an endless void.
But you are safe within their grasp,
they do not hurt you,
you do not gasp.
You stare into my eyes as I die,
and away with then you go off and fly.

it's the third month without you and
we haven't spoken since that last night we spent together.
I am beginning to numb myself with alcohol;
trying to forget the pain you have caused me.
you took a piece of me that will never
be fully mended without your love.
I don't want you back, I just want to have what you took from me.
My hands are cold and my heart is still broken.
I can't think full thoughts about you
without
going
crazy.
You appear in my dreams more often than not.
I dream of the day when you caress my hair
and hold my hand. When you speak to
me with your voice like music
and your thoughts like poems.  
I dream of a future that
parallels the past;
that recollects your love and showers it on me.

Mr. Jim Beam,
He gets me,
On a Saturday night when I'm all alone, on the phone, he gets me.
He makes my chest feel warm
When he says, "darlin, I know today's been long."
Yeah, honey, it's been long.
He takes it slow,
His words flood through me like a steady pour,
Then he comes rushing in like a summer night storm.
He fills my head with dreams and soul
And I sing for him till I can't sing anymore.
Mr. Jim Beam,
Tonight it's just him and me.
I never  regret his company.
I'll probably call him tomorrow and the next day too.
He's so sweet, he loves me, he loves everything I do.
He's quick and loyal,
I know he'll always be there for me,
Just to see me smile, I'm his world and I know it.
Mr. Jim Beam and me,
The only thing in the future I can see,
Nights like this are all I'll ever need.
He's all I'll ever need.