As I linger I begin to lose
I linger to save the others
To save from my kind of pain
My kind of pain eats away
Eats away my humanity

To be free is only a wish
A wish to leave the pain
The pain caused by them
They tell me I'm not good enough
Not good enough for a life

The catalyst is my command
My command to end it
End all the pain and judgment
Pain and judgment are the gifts
The gifts others give me

I'm ready for the boom
The boom to go home
Home to love and care
Care doesn't exist here
Here is full of death and hate

The world is dead
Nothing is breathing, pulsing
An achromatic scheme of dark
But white cannot exist in a black and grey sea

I see a man
Beckoning for me to come
He, dressed in black with a crescent
I need only to follow to escape my fear of this life

I rise to kiss the crescent
Steal one last look at the world of gray
Falling in his arms I see stars for eyes
A dream floating in towards the black of a moonless night

Now I belong with those like me
Escapers of this thing called life
A lie for the optimists
A wish for the best outcomes imaginable

A kiss for the crescent
Before you go home to mother
Will bring you to me, where you belong
I am all you need to breathe, to live, to cry, to die

I fell for you
Like an icicle on a warm day
I fell for you
As a leaf from an autumn tree

I need you
Like a bee with her flower
I need you
As a tree with its roots

Twisting, turning, yearning
That is what I do

Laughing, smiling, cheering
That's what you do

I have sorrows
You have joys

You've hurt me
I've served you

The fairness of this world is as perplexing as a quadratic formula

As I get hurt, those who hurt me excel

As I am pained, others are healed

I see who I once was
Laughing, smiling, cheering

Now, I hardly recognize myself

Razor sharp fingers
Reaching for my soul to take
Carving a hole into my chest
Breaching the protective wall

Red eyes never seen but in dreams
Blinding mine from terrors yet to come
Gradually is worsens to a searing pain
I can no longer take the agony of it all

He whispers to me in the dark
Tells me that I'm safe with him; that I need to succumb
Give in to his offerings of escape
Get away from this lie called life

Sensually he pulls me in
Reaches for my heart and soul
He seeks to claim me as his own
Pulling away, I go unwilling

Finally he gets me
I fall into his arms, Claimed
In triumph he has my body
Destroyed he has my soul

I reach for something to hold
Pray this is a dream
Pray I die or forget quickly
Blessed I see no more

He finds me again and I lie
Home, but alone I cry and call on One I trust
He tells me I am safe, that I can sleep
I cannot, for there I see him

Days, weeks and months go by
It does not leave me
I am tortured, left to die
Screaming inside, I call to those who desert me

Alone I am and desolate I cry
I need only to feel the light
Only darkness answers my call
I long for escape from the monster

But there is none.

A child of ten
I thought of sunshine and handholding
They told me I was ugly

A young girl of thirteen
I loved to go to school
They told me I was dumb

A new student at sixteen
I longed for acceptance
They exhibited their disgust for my presence

Then I learned I was worthless at seventeen