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20.2k · Oct 2013
Fangirl.
Lily Espy Oct 2013
Another


You say I don't know I'm beautiful,
But it's you.
You don't know.
And you'll never know.

In your eyes,
I'm just another one.
In my eyes,
You're just the only one.

I notice the little things,
But don't we all?
Notice me!

And it's so hard to explain.
Because I love you.
Truly, Madly, Deeply falling.

And I'd like to think I'm special,
Different.
Like I'll walk by,
And you'll follow.
And you won't.

But I love you.

In your eyes,
I'm just another fangirl.
In my eyes,
You're my everything.
Again, not my poem. If I don't put my (l.e.) thing there, then it's not mine. But this poem explains my **** life, okay.
Lily Espy Oct 2014
there's seven steps to the making and drinking hot cocoa process.

prepping: grab the mug, make sure you use tap water, grab the hot chocolate and spoon and begin the process down below

step one: pour the tap water into your mug, nearing to the top of the mug and place it in the microwave

STEP ONE: you're scrolling on facebook and you see the most handsome man you've ever seen and you automatically hit the friend button and start messaging him. he responds back, almost as quickly.

step two: press the general two minutes into your microwave and "patiently" wait for your hot chocolate

STEP TWO: you've been talking to her for a good month online now, you both mutually decide to meet up and instantaneously become very close. you start dating him.

step three: take out the flaming hot mug of water and proceed to put it on the counter. grabbing the spoon, put two to four spoonfuls of hot chocolate mix into the mug. begin to stir until there are not any "chocolate dust bunnies" floating around, dissolved.

STEP THREE: a month into the relationship, you're both very much in love. you've had your fourth kiss recently-but who's counting?

step four: immediately go to a comfy spot near you, pull up YouTube and watch people sexually assault women on the street and pass it off as a prank. as you are giggling along, take a sip of your dri-gasp! ouch, that really hurt.

STEP FOUR: three months in. he takes your virginity. it really hurt. you weren't ready but you didn't want to disappoint him.

step five: continue slowly drinking your hot chocolate, it's good to savor it. you notice it starts to get cold. you swish it around in your mouth and let it rest for a minute... it doesn't taste like hot chocolate anymore. it's cold, bitter and the mix from the bottom is floating around giving it the taste of dirt.

STEP FIVE: five months in. he started hitting you two weeks and three days ago. you said you wanted to stop having *** so often because it hurt and you weren't having a good time anymore. he said, "you're asking for it, looking so **** hot all of the time" and proceeds to force himself on you for the first time.

step six: you decide, **** this, im done with my hot chocolate and begin to wash it out in your sink.

STEP SIX: seven months in. you break up with him, he tells you he's sorry and you get back together with him. this has been a reoccurring pattern for a month now. but this time, you're done, for good. and turns out, you are.

step seven: you finish off cleaning the mug and spoon that was used to mix the powder and the weight on your shoulders is free. no more ******, cold hot chocolate for you.

STEP SEVEN: you are free, out of a treacherous relationship. "you were too good for him" your friends tell you, "he's disgusting and wasn't even that attractive". you feel unwanted, until one day you see someone staring at you while you're walking into a coffee shop. you begin to get creeped out after an hour and go to talk to him. you exchange numbers with this older man.

step one on: the process of making and drinking apple cider.
·currently drinking hot cocoa while writing this· slam poem· BY LILY ESPY·
2.1k · Nov 2013
Apple Cider
Lily Espy Nov 2013
Hot apple cider caused the stinging tongue pain on Christmas day
My mouth exhales, hoping to stop it

It doesn’t stop
But it was nothing
Nothing compared to what they did to me

Exhaling, pretending I was blowing them out of my life
The pain was infinite

*lottie
1.9k · Jun 2014
to my best friend
Lily Espy Jun 2014
yes, i need fries
      and a guy
               but mostly fries

      like i need my child to not have hazel eyes
we made this poem on facebook, and it's truly heartfelt.
1.6k · Oct 2013
foggy mirror
Lily Espy Oct 2013
wet hair, falling down past her ears
looking into the foggy mirror
gasping, she looked away
ashamed to have seen her face

her face was less than ordinary
even ugly persay
dyed hair of different shades
brown green eyes that looked like shame

tall and skinny is what they call her
but fat and weird is all she sees

being a victim changed her mind
a victim of ****, incestious acts.
maybe things would have been different

back then

if she wasn't of such a young age

*l.e
1.2k · Nov 2013
Pumpkin Pie
Lily Espy Nov 2013
Sweet sweet pumkin pie
The taste of it is divine
I'd eat it all day
I'm in the thanksgiving sort of mood. HONEY BUTTER.
1.2k · May 2014
what changed?
Lily Espy May 2014
we used to be the best of friends
but one day,
    things changed

him & i used to like each other
he said he loved me,
but one day,
    things changed

we ended our friendship over the fact that
someone read my journal at your house,
and you were so mean,
and that day,
    things changed

you never asked me to date you
it was more like,
"lets just toy with her emotionally and
use her as i please physically"
and that day in November,
    things changed

the both of you, obviously,
must have just been so brokenhearted without me,
right?

that's why you two started going out,
right after we stopped being best friends,
right?

or was this just planned out all along?

remember when he did something disgusting to me,
and i went back to your house crying,
and you bad-mouthed him for me?

what changed?

things, apparently.
*lottie*
854 · Oct 2013
No one
Lily Espy Oct 2013
Screams to be heard

No one to hear them

Blood caked on her wrists

No one to bandage them

Nightmares from her childhood

Coming alive

No one to save her

No one

*lily espy
832 · Nov 2013
The itsy bitsy razor
Lily Espy Nov 2013
The itsy bitsy razor
crawled up her thighs last night
down came the blade and sliced, and sliced, and sliced
out came the blood and
drowned her demons dead
and the itsty bitzy razor
latched inside her head
780 · Oct 2013
The Damage is Already Done.
Lily Espy Oct 2013
Attention ***** is what he calls me
Slitting my wrists and being in utter depression
That’s what makes me an attention *****
Also the less forgettable words they call me;
*****, ******, stupid, *******, ****, worthless.
She joins in too, when she’s not even my real mother
“no one wants you” and “if you were my daughter I wouldn’t want you”
Afterwards they apologize
Say they didn’t mean it, it was a lie, they were angry
Or whatever ******* excuse they feed me
But don’t they know?

The damage is already done.

*(l.e.)
601 · Oct 2013
Coffeehouse
Lily Espy Oct 2013
Downtown there was a coffeehouse.

Inside that coffeehouse, worked a boy of barely eighteen
If only he knew how much I loved him

I watched him from afar, wanting him to come and ask me what I wanted to order
I’ve been watching him ever since he worked here

With my bright red lipstick and white dress,
I’ve been wearing this exact look for almost two years

Sometimes he walks past where I sit on the balcony
Sometimes he comes and sits with me on the balcony

He acts like I’m not there though, strange
He’s usually nice to everyone

Or maybe it’s because
I’m dead.

*(l.e.)
This is so not my best work, but I kind of like this and was like #YOLO why not.
447 · Oct 2013
Mother, you say?
Lily Espy Oct 2013
more like shameful.

abandoning your daughter,
leaving her for the wild wolves
or was that just her father?

sobbing every night,
wishing you would talk to her
wishing she could take back whatever she did
or did she not do anything?

maybe you just couldn't handle the fact
that she was everything she said she was
she tried her hardest at ignoring hate
and to strive forward in life
or maybe, maybe she was just like you?

no, she was exactly
unlike you.

*lily espy
446 · Oct 2013
“Nobody’s perfect.”
Lily Espy Oct 2013
Everybody keeps telling me those two words.
But it doesn’t help
They just don’t understand


They think it’s a phase
That it won’t last
But the truth is
Time has just already passed


I wish we didn’t have mirrors
What are they for?
Only for the girls that everyone adores


Perfection just like pearls
Are what those girls are


When you look at me
Ugly shell and all
And then my head starts ringing


I’m not perfect
And never will be
But I must be perfect
You’ll see.

*lily espy
399 · Nov 2013
Untitled
Lily Espy Nov 2013
runny noses
coughing season

ugh and ew.
347 · Oct 2013
Untitled
Lily Espy Oct 2013
pathetic
i saw you the other day, walking with a girl
it took me a minute
to realise
thats who you replaced me with

the sad part is
you actually seemed like you cared about her
which is more
than i can say you looked like
with me

*lily espy
282 · Nov 2013
Untitled
Lily Espy Nov 2013
are you ready for
   a perfect score
cause once you're mine
   there's no going back
265 · Oct 2013
Untitled
Lily Espy Oct 2013
i lost my voice today
i want to scream

but

i cant
217 · Oct 2013
Untitled
Lily Espy Oct 2013
“What’s depression like?” he whispered

“It’s like drowning. Except you can see everyone around you breathing.”
This isn't mine but I found it so fabulous that I had to post it~

— The End —