With my worn fingernails,
I jab the weak ground.
I dig until my hands ache,
Until I’m too far down.

When there is no light,
That my heart can see,
I won’t ask for help,
Just please let me be.

I’m tired of digging,
And I’m tired of crying.
I say that I’m happy,
But I’m tired of lying.

I pray for the day,
My death is in stone,
Because I’m tired of being,
Depressed and alone.

A man sits alone
in the place he calls home
and he sits in his chair and he weeps
 
A tear in his seams
Has wounded his dreams
And upon him, slowly, death creeps
 
He’s not broken yet
But he can’t forget
How he pushed all of his loved ones away
 
And now he can tell
That in this living hell
That he’d wishes he’d just let them stay
 
Now see the blood drip
From his fingertips
As it pools at his feet on the floor.
 
He’s fought for so long
His defenses are gone
And he can’t fight alone anymore
 
And the pieces he’s lost
What his choices have cost
Have torn his conscious to shreds
 
His own mind betrayed
Wants not to be saved
So alone, there he sits, until dead.

In the quiet of my longing,  
I crave your love, so strong and binding.  
Your touch, a gentle caress I seek,  
Your lips on mine, a feeling so unique.  

Use me, for in your grasp I come alive,  
Abuse me, in your shadow I survive.  
I'm yours, through every moment, come what may,  
A pledge of love, in every single way.  

Though the world says you can't be mine,  
My heart beats for you, through every sign.  
You own me, in every way so true,  
With every breath, I say, "I love you."  

I belong to you and no one else,  
In your love, deeply my heart delves.  
My body and soul, to you, I give,  
For you, and you only, I live.  

This simple truth, my heart knows well,  
In your presence, my heart does swell.  
Though fate may keep us far apart,  
You're always here, in my heart.

A prisoner of warmth.

Trapped in this cell of anxiety.

With a blind warden.

One who cannot see the prisoner.

Yet talks to the god as if it is nothing

Your golden hair that flows and curls.

The demeanor that rips sympathy from me.

Your unprecedented kindness.

It all brings my heart to a still.

And my mind at ease

Is it love?

A simple admiration of beauty?

I do not know.

I simply feel like I’m drowning.

Drowning in this silence.

Drowning in my fear

In this dark void.

That i float in despair.

You are my beacon.

My hope.

My brilliant star that i wish to pluck.

The star that i love.

My lips tremble in anticipation
as I eagerly press them to your skin.
I kiss your throat softly,
lips lingering as I lead a trail up your neck,
seeking your lips.

Your skin is salty beneath my hungry mouth,
I can feel sparks fly as I sigh into your breath.
Every inch of you I just want to devour,
I imagine your lips pressing against mine softly.
The pressure increasing as my heart beats wildly.

Your tongue slips enticingly into my mouth,
Intimately I taste you and savor the taste.
You kiss me harder, taking over all my senses,
delving into my very being.
Our tongues caress, circling and stroking,

I can't get enough, my body is about to explode.
I'm drowning in desire, my knees are weak,
as my hands roam over your body.
Hands cupping your *** and seeking your *******
leaving a path of fire scorching your skin.

Your fingertips gently tracing and touching my face,
Your heart is pounding so hard in your chest.
You lean into me trying to get closer,
feeling my hardness pressed against my hip.

You smile at the way my body is responding
to yours in need and wanting.
You can't seem to get close enough to me,
my hands roam from your neck to your chest.
I rub your ******* teasingly, longing to kiss them,
as my thigh parts your legs, making your skirt rise.
Rubbing my leg against your burning flesh slowly,

I inhale deeply, making no sound,
as your hands slide down to my waist.
Unfastening my pants eagerly,
You find me hard beneath your touch.
You enclose my engorged manhood gently,
Your mouth caressing, ******* and tasting.
I want you so bad

Yet, I'm not through, ...nor ready,
to give you, the sweet release you crave.
You feel my fingers seeking your inner flesh,
bringing waves of excitement, pleasure.

My finger invades your now wet, innermost turmoil,
You feel a wicked rage of internal passion.
Assaulting your senses, spreading like wildfire,
You beg me to quench your desires.

You look at me, my eyes, smoldering arrest me,
your cheeks growing hot under my gaze.
A  gratifying groan sounds deep in your throat,
Bending my head toward you,
My mouth capturing yours.
Seducing you entirely, endlessly,
your mind, your body, and your soul.
Clothes fall away silently to the floor,
You... now want me... as bad as I want you.

I cannot pretend to be cool.
They all see it, they laugh at me for being a fool
and I sit there devastated, that my face is ripped apart.
I feel weak, quite. I can't stand it.
My heart pumps only if eyes are on me, but it splits
when the eyes cast on me poison green.
I *****? I am disgusting.
A fool, I am a fool.
I disgust myself and everyone,
when I go outside, trees twist just to look away.
God, what have you done?
Does it matter? It doesn't turn me any wiser.
Burn my guilt, but do not make me rise
and glow the same red for eternity.
Do not make me a Phoenix, I will only have the same feathers and claws.
Every time I die, turn me to something new.
If I die with fire, then raise me in waters.
If I die in the mountains, then form me in the clouds.
If I die with claws, then give me flippers.
If I die a snake then make me a cow.
If I die with glory, house my new childhood in shame.
Do not give me the same mistakes.
I do not deserve thoughts, they only spit lies and defilement.
Do not bring the gods into this
They already know, they have seen this even before my birth,
failure or not, I wish to not see their divine lens
on my life, I shall be afraid.
Shame on me, I loath myself on every occasion
that I thought to myself as improving
but the only thing refined
are the lies I tell myself.

Intertwining hearts, a realm unseen, a divine, pure love serene,
Sublime is the reflection of myself in your azure sheen.
Hearts connected in your soul's mirror, a bond profound,
A universe tearing us apart, yet in another, we're one sound.

Radiant laughter, your song of joy, a melody I long,
A flame that fills the room, your grace, to touch that face I long.
Restrained is my love, a secret hidden in my heart,
A weeping echo, unspoken words, fear of losing tears me apart.

You wander close, yet far away, our paths aligned, yet led astray,
A cruel fate has bound our hands, entangled in another's strands.
My soul, it yearns to call you mine, but destiny won't change its line,
And so I dream of lives beyond, where stars collide, and love's a bond.

In this existence, I've known despair, the bitter sting of love's unfair,
For you're a treasure, not for me, but held by one who holds the key.
I dare not speak, nor make a sound, for in your bliss, you're tightly bound,
I'll keep my love, a secret flame, and hope that you'll not feel my pain.

But in my dreams, I'll hold you close, the life we've lost, a fading ghost,
In realms unknown, we'll find our way, where love can soar, and hearts can sway.
Perhaps one day, another life, our souls shall meet, no strife, no strife,
In that sweet place, where love is true, I'll find you there, and start anew.

I wonder what it’s like to not be me
To not feel like me
To not think like me
To be unrestrained of these horrid broods
These broods that confine who I am
These broods that make me feel
Like a glitch in the matrix
Questioning every moment
Questioning every movement
From a blink of an eye
To a twitch of the mouth
To the color of clothes
And the words from your mouth
Finding meaning in everything
I want it to be gone
I want to be free
Of these horrid thoughts
Just to be free
Of being me

Don’t tell me you want my lips,
Don’t tell me you need my tongue.
Just shut up.
Dig your claws into my back.
Make me bleed
as I pin you against the wall,
Thrusting all of me
into the deepest parts of you,
until our eyes roll back in a
primal flurry
and we feel nothing but a raging fire.

Let the flames melt our pain.
Baptize me in your sweat.
Don’t let me remember what you were
or who I was supposed to be
before I looked.

A lonely heart, a stagnant soul

Searching for something to make me whole.

A broken spirit with tattered wings

Unsure of what the future brings.

Doubt it haunts me, it smiles, it leers

Despair takes rein, it neighs and it sneers.

My strength leaves me when darkness takes hold.

The walls that protect me begin to erode.

Depression and fear an arduous fight,

Slowly it creeps like shadows at night.

They shackle, they chain, they grip and they mire.

They dim my light and consume my fire.

Empty of light with no hope to cling

I scream and I shout, I cry and I sing.

But muffled sounds are all that is heard

For Anxiety is stealing every word.

Unable to breathe, still trapped in a bind.

It cripples my body, it alters my mind.

No magical pill. No mystical potion

Can help free me of these negative emotions.

Every book has a final page,
Where goodbyes are made,
and closing words displayed
And though every Story needs it, it's so hard to read it
Because no one wants the journey to end
And you have a choice to make:
Either leave the end unread and pretend that means it doesn't exist
Or accept the fact that it's the last act, that endings happen and that's that.

​
Remember that if the ending is enough to be sad about then the story had plenty to be glad about
You should be happy it happened and remember it fondly,
And those feelings you felt so strongly won't wrongly be replaced by misplaced sorrow that yesterday happened and now we must deal with tomorrow
Because it isn't as bad as it seems
Because it holds all of your hopes and your dreams
All of your tomorrows are bursting at the seams, with opportunities and fondly remembered yesterdays just waiting for you to finish today
So please, don't be afraid of endings and tomorrows

I'd like to remind you besides,
That If you finished more stories you would often find
That they might read, "To be continued, at another time"

I’ve been one to dream without restriction

But how can anyone live free of tension?

Against my best judgment, I’m blue

Yet something, someone, like you

Never could’ve crossed my mind

I’ve waited

Eager to shine.

You wanna know what scares me about you?

It’s that I could let go and live less tame

Something about you makes me feel brave

Except when I fear you’d walk away

But in this moment up here

I choose not go down there.

I find myself wondering if you’re real

Suddenly, I’m prettier in your mirror

Run away, drive away, with me

Can this stay just the way it seems?

You give back what was taken

And yes, my hands are shaking

But, it’s in a good way

Honey, You're a good way.

She sheds useless tears full of sharp exhaustion

Her face is numb of all the smiles she shows

Who really cares how she feels?

That’s all she can do.

This isn’t new to her she has been in this harsh time before.

She mourns what has been lost.

All she can do is gather the pieces she needs to move forward

And walk away with a smile

Is she a fool?

Was it her fault she is here?

Now, who the **** would ever be a poet?
What leaves a man or woman so dissolute
To write in verse and then to freely show it
Rather than be embarrassed as they ought

Perhaps their parents didn’t raise them right
Their fathers didn’t beat them as they should
There’s plenty pleasant ways to waste a life
But poetry does no one any good

It doesn’t heal the sick, nor raise a smile
And poems don’t land people on the moon
Wherever men are doing work worthwhile
There’s rarely ever poets in the room

Most any fool who owns a pen and a paper could
Write verse, but there’s no pride so seek no praise
For most folks know that doesn’t mean you should
But poets, they can’t help but act depraved

A rose smells soft once groomed by loving shear,
The dust that settled on this gardener’s soul
Is stirred by breathing deep the odor dear:
The offered silk smooth blanket wraps me whole,
Not freely given but by ****** price:
A finger pricked by thorn but once or twice.

Though, gardener’s blood pays not the full expense,
For “loving” shears show love by marring thee.
For those without the florist’s favor hence
Are coldly culled, denied their right to be.
The chosen thrive by cost of others’ doom;
Thus goes the tale of gardener and the bloom.

If gentle stem is pressed by nature’s breeze,
That wood is stronger by the season’s end.
And though the sun may burn or ice may freeze,
Fair nature does not seek to break or mend.

And though a tree may shade it’s neighbor shrub,
It canopies by nature, not by will.
And though the mother bird may eat the grub,
The beast would likewise die without the ****.

Nor may the viper will away it’s fangs,
Nor wolf nor dog grow flat it’s tearing jaws,
Nor spider may retire the web it hangs,
Nor lioness may glove her slashing paws.

By lawless rule does nature rule alone,
Indifferent to whom all should die or live.
If each within that space pursued their own,
By happenstance, by fate would favor give.
Yet we unnatural twist that hand of fate,
Perverting life that we did not create.

The gardener looks upon their rose to say,
"What skill is mine for crafting beauty thee?"
While nature's fair design we thus betray.
While owning life that truly aught be free.
While stealing thee from nature's very womb.
Thus goes the tale of gardener and the bloom.

I cried for you at different times
For different reasons.
Losing you was not what
I thought it would be.

Pain, numbed.
Exists only in flashes
That remind me where I stand;
A certain clarity.

Memories fade in the collectives haze,
And life continues.
What could have been,

Those promises -
Lies you told to hold me close.
Exist only in the space
Where self perpetuated wounds still bite.

In the quiet of my heart, where shadows play and fall apart,  
I hid the truth, behind a smile, a mask that broke after a while.  
I lied to ease the ache inside, hoping I could let it slide.  
But truth shines bright, it shows the way my heart misses you every day.  

"I'm okay," I lied, trying to hide the storm inside.  
Your love, now distant, a fading light, leaves me alone in the night.  
"It's fine," I said, but it's a lie, under the vast, open sky.  
Day and night, I think of you, in everything I do.  

You're all I want, the dream I miss, in every shadow, your tender kiss.  
It's too hard, I can't pretend, I whisper your name, again and again.  
This pain is too much, I can't go on, I feel so lost, now that you're gone.  
Goodbye, my love, this is the end, until another life lets us begin.  

Maybe in a place where time is kind, our paths will cross, and we will find.  
I hope for heaven, to see its light, hoping you're there, shining bright.  
You're my angel, in my heart's deep blue, I'll always, always look for you.  
Farewell, my love, until we're free, in dreams, you'll always be with me.

Graveyards are just like gardens,
If a garden is in reverse.
For beneath the tombstone markers and the green grass above,
Graveyard beds hold fester like a glove
There’s an overgrowth of decay where the corpses lie down,
And where bodies flower with maggots and tree root crowns.
They bear scarlet fruit, rot-sweet in death,
And swarm with green where they’ve since lost their breath.
There’s life waiting once one falls from the hearse,
Because graveyards are just like gardens,
If a garden is in reverse.

Her laugh is so melodic,
it's music to my soul
I'm hoping for some miracle
I want to take her on a moonlit stroll
She's as graceful as the snowflakes,
but she knows how to have fun
I love our impromptu jokes and laughs
When I'm with her, I always win
She always makes me smile
I love when she holds my hand
She's the peace I could never find
I'm always there for her
She's always by my side
I hope our connection never ends
Her black hair falls perfectly
She's so special to me
I love when we both can't sleep
so we lay together under the stars
I've told her of my every insecurity
She loves me even in my pain
I didn't think I could love again
She's my everything

The way I see her

I look at her as though she were perfect.

I want to constantly feel like we connect.

She makes my heart beat quickly

And acts as if it is silly.



Her eyes are a dense forest and I easily get lost in them.

They sparkle in the sun, but look

in the darkness like a rocky cave.

They look like a fresh new leather book

And she never looks anything else but brave.



Her smile is a warm fire that melts my heart.

When she smiles it’s like a work of art.

It is as though she doesn’t know

That her smile is that of a doe.



Her laugh gives me goosebumps and I just want to hug her.

She has no idea that I like it.

Her laugh is as ringing of bells are in the distance.

It makes me smile bigger than I care to admit.

One joke and she laughs without persistence.



Her hair is brown leaves at the end of Fall.

And is as soft as a warm woolen shawl.

Her different hairstyles make me smile,

And make me want to stay with her for awhile.



Whenever I see her my eyes light up and my heart quickens.

I can’t stop staring at her.

Even by simply saying hello, I grin.

And it all happens in blur.

I also get little tingles all over my skin.



I look at her as though she were perfect,

and she doesn’t know I feel like we clicked.

I am broken
And I refuse to believe that
Someone loves me
I can see how this could be confusing, but
A broken heart can be healed
Is pure fiction
There isn’t a fish for me
Once I am old and wise, I’ll tell you that
I’ve got my own back because
Selfishness
Takes precedence over
Selflessness
Hear me out:
Once upon a time
Someone broke my heart
I remembered
Keep my head up because
My father says
Crying makes you weak
My ex says
Love comes and goes
I cannot say for certain
Love finds its way
After awhile
Hope is lost and
No longer will I sit here and act like
I know what I am doing and
It will eventually show that
I do not put forth the effort
And do not assume that
I know what I am

I didn’t know I could find comfort in a person till I met you
you didn’t know me and I didn’t know you
two strangers intertwined between the magnetic force of our destined love
two souls, one ruling over Venus and the other mercury
we’re beautifully written
you feel like thunder and you got fire in your spirit
we’re two opposites
I’m the meadow filled with daisies and though I have the disadvantage of wildfires I’m quite beautiful
you’re on the beach at night filled with calm waves, you’re laid back and know how to make people feel welcomed
the only disadvantage you contain is your waves can become deadly when provoked
we’re perfectly imperfect
every time the rain falls you gravitate towards my mind
I carry a little piece of you wherever I go
to remind me I’m safe, I'm loved
because that’s how you make me feel
I seek refuge in your arms
and this feels like home
I could do this for hours,  days,  years,  forever if that’s fine with you
I apologize for coming off as desperate
but with you, I feel myself and yes, that’s the truth
so may your waves put off my fires when they get too out of hand
and may my fires keep you warm when you’re too cold
either way, this is something not even my beautiful words can’t describe
expect you’re the one I desire and hope that’s fine.

In the quiet nights without you, shadows dance,
My thoughts run wild, caught in a chance.
You say you love me, but only as a friend,
My heart in pieces, a puzzle without end.

My soul is trapped, caught in between,
A love that's real and lonely unseen.
When I close my eyes, our love story unfolds,
Awake, my dreams lie shattered, the truth too bold.

Why not me, I ask, under the silent sky,
Were we not destined, you and I?
I could be your all, if only you'd see,
Why not me, oh why not me?

I yearn to love you, if you only knew,
How my love for you endlessly grew.
So why not me, who longs for you so,
In this dance of love, why am I solo?

Even tomorrow, I'll be here to catch your fall,
To be your rock, through it all.
You say we're forever, that our love won't bend,
Still, it feels like drowning, a sorrow without end.

You won't ever know, how far we could stride,
If only you'd choose me, standing by your side.
So why not me, in love's eternal sea,
Why not me, oh why not me?

Why not me, I ask, under the silent sky,
Were we not destined, you and I?
I could be your all, if only you'd see,
Why not me, oh why not me?

I yearn to love you, if you only knew,
How my love for you endlessly grew.
So why not me, who longs for you so,
In this dance of love, why am I solo?

everyday that passes i feel like i miss you more than every day prior. i miss you to death.

to death.

until i die?

until you die?

is it till death do we part?

i don’t understand this expression but i also feel like i understand it all too well.

this feeling is very strange.

i miss you so much i feel like i could die? what could that possibly mean?

it means that when i miss u i feel like my soul is

trying to escape, just to get to you

and its leaving my body.

like my heart wants to stop beating

because it is angry at me for taking the rest of my

body away from yours.

that or it beats harder and more painfully.

beating so loudly in attempt to let you hear it

screaming for yours.

even when i’m sleeping my skin feels the weight of your absence.

when my mind wanders it wanders to you.

my whole being is trying to escape to you.

when my ears hear music, when my eyes see art.

you.

if you never write back to me dramatically.

if i never see you again,

if i never hear from you,

smell you

touch you

taste you

i will die, simply, having missed you to death.

I hope this finds you well.

You still have my heart-

It beats not in my chest,

but in your hands.

​

Please do not return it-

For all that you may think of it,

it truly is yours.

It has belonged to you since the day we met-

you plucked it out of my chest

with your quick wit and smooth charm.

​

Or rather, it fell right out of my mouth-

flew right past my tied-tongue and outstretched arms.

You called to it, and it sang for you-

gladly leaving me behind.

​

You were a better home, anyway.

You cared for it, nursed it, and for you

it grew and grew

until I got lost in its blooms.

​

So please, I hope you keep it.

If not, just throw it away.

But please don't give it back to me.

It will only ache.

In a room full of every person I've ever talked to, None would choose me, it's painfully true. Faces familiar, voices once near, Yet I remain unnoticed, lost in their cheer.

Each conversation, a fleeting exchange, But deeper connections, they always estrange. Among the crowd, I stand alone, Invisible, unheard, my heart a stone.

Words spoken, promises made, But in the end, I'm left in the shade. Friendships falter, love fades away, Leaving me wandering, lost in dismay.

Memories echo, whispers of the past, But they're fleeting, they never last. In this room of ghosts, I linger unseen, Yearning for acceptance, in a world so keen.

In a room full of every person I've ever talked to, None would choose me, a fate I can't undo. Yet I would not blame them, for if it was on me, Even I myself would never choose me.

Of all my years of life, I’ve had one dream,
that one like you, with visage radiant,
would grace me with your captivating smile.
Your presence carries with it such a joy,
your voice, elixir for my weary soul.
I wish to drown in this unbridled love.

How I wish you would be my love,
I wish to wake up from this lucid dream,
which both elates and haunts my longing soul.
I wake each morn with sadness radiant,
because I long to share with you the joy
I feel whenever I’m graced by your sweet smile.

How your simple presence makes me smile,
As I wait for reciprocated love,
I strive to be content and take my joy
in living for this fantasy, this dream.
For when I see your light so radiant,
it kindles life to flames within my soul.

How my face betrays my troubled soul,
You see the pleasant contour of my smile,
and never it fails to shine so radiant,
as I am plagued by unrequited love.
One day I’ll make reality from dream,
And soar with you in long deserved joy.

How I long to share with you my joy,
Just like an anchor weighing on my soul,
it serves to power this unending dream.
I wish to show the pain behind my smile,
from holding in this life-affirming love
while gazing at your form, so radiant.

Hear my words fair goddess, radiant,
One day, I will turn sadness into joy,
as I confess to you my boundless love
and intertwine with yours, my bursting soul

The Cathedral stands
at the heart of the city,
so pure and beloved,
so strong and enduring.

Year after year,
through thick and through thin,
Through revolution and war
Our Lady stays strong.

​
Just one spark
Inconsequential and small.
Surely it couldn’t
bring her down to her knees.

Pride of the city,
the city of love,
it’ll take more
than just one spark.

​
But sparks turn to embers,
and embers to flames,
and before we know it,
all is engulfed.

The problem we have
is that things made of wood
may seem so strong
but they always can burn.

​
We try to save her,
She means too much to us all.
Something so beautiful
can’t just burn down.

But the flames grow higher
and the spire collapses.
Can she be saved?

In the end, all I am is a memory
so I wonder who will remember me
will I grow old and have a legacy
or will I die young and be erased from history

will I change the world for good
will any of my actions ever be understood
will I fade into obscurity
will anything I ever do matter in eternity

I’m no nihilist but what if this means nothing
does it really matter what day is my ending
if I die when I’m not ready does that really matter
and if I live without a soulmate is that really a disaster

nothing matters but I can still cry
life is pointless but I don’t want to die
I will never mean anything but I can still try

to wish for love and happiness seems so pointless
but nevertheless
I will always believe there's hope in all of this mess.

A prisoner of warmth.
Trapped in this cell of anxiety.
With a blind warden.
One who cannot see the prisoner.
Yet talks to the god as if it is nothing
Your golden hair that flows and curls.
The demeanor that rips sympathy from me.
Your unprecedented kindness.
It all brings my heart to a still.
And my mind at ease
Is it love?
A simple admiration of beauty?
I do not know.
I simply feel like I’m drowning.
Drowning in this silence.
Drowning in my fear
In this dark void.
That I float in despair.
You are my beacon.
My hope.
My brilliant star that I wish to pluck.
The star that I love
And I always will

I told the moon about you.

And it listened so intently.

Its silence is a welcome mat to my deepest desires.

Careful to share my full desires for fear, being vague leaves room for interpretation.

I told the moon about you.

And I wished more for you than for myself.

For even my desires require your consent.

I told the moon about you.

And I bared my soul in the glow of its light.

Hoping it would see just how deeply I felt.

I told the moon about you.

And I hope that you looked at it and thought of me.

The way I spend every waking moment thinking of you.

I told the moon about you.

As I lie in bed at night, I wish you were here with me.

Your presence silencing the screaming in my head.

Your touch just a reach away.

I told the moon about you.

Because it listened without judgement.

Gathering my wishes up in it glow.

As it caressed the world around it.

I told the moon about you.

And I hope one day.

You tell it about me too.

I want you
Not only the pretty you
Not only the beautiful you
I want all of you
Your imperfections that you care
Those scars of the past that you hide
All those dreams you want to share
And all the tears that you fight

I want you
Not for today not for tomorrow
I want you to be forever
So we could share our happiness and also sorrow

The you, now maybe confused
The you, now maybe scared
The you now may be traumatized
The you now maybe facing some unknown fear
And for that may be ,reason is me

Want to be together but not only in happiness
Want you beside me , holding hands also in your sadness
Want to wrap my arms around you , so you can heal by my side
So close that you can feel my love and nervousness I hide

Let's paint our own , a beautiful love story
With the paints of love and colours so bright
That will never stop just like a ocean tide.
It may sound crazy now or even impossible
But believe me
On this path of life with me
Because we have so much to do, remember

I want to rip my chest open and force feed you my beating heart.

I want you to see it.

I want you to feel the the rush of the warm red blood on your face.

I want you to feel how mangled I am. I want you to see the damage. The emptiness...? No. I want you to see the carnage.

Maybe then you would understand.

When you ask me

"How are you doing?"

I quietly stitch myself back up, and smile back at you. 'I'm alright, and you?'

Both of our souls are dead.

you smell like the ocean
and move like the breeze
your touch is like sand
inbetween my toes

and i wish that i loved you

​when you walk
the world stops to give you space
when you speak
the music fades because it can't compete

and i wish that i loved you

when you frown calm feels far gone
when you cry i can't look away
you look me in the eye
and tell me you love me

and i wish that i loved you

i'd sing you every song
to help you fall asleep
i'd give you my every muscle
if you are feeling weak

but i don't love you

Loneliness hits in waves

Crashing upon the heart like a bullet when you least expect it

The impact soon spreads to the brain

Riddled with self-doubt, you think if you are worth it

“What are you doing wrong?”

You could be sitting alone at night

You could be talking with a friend

But the gun always seems to fire, and the impact always seems to occur

Everlasting hurt your soul is subject to bear

Sometimes further isolation can happen

And sometimes you can surround yourself with friends

But regardless of the balm applied to this perpetual wound the pain can be felt

Loneliness hits in waves

On these days so bland and lonely,
My soul aches, my spirit empty,
Everywhere I look I can't seem to find any beauty,
All hope has left me?
Another day, another year,
They're all the same,
What's the point?
So smile n wave,
Just let me go.

But I look back on the days,
Where time was full of laughter,
Yes, when my fate was true,
So much brighter,
And I pray, I pray to bring us together,
Where we shall laugh again,
With no pain and anger.

Oh, I am waiting for the grand reunion,
With my loved ones,
With whom I've spent my time,
There shall be no more sorrow,
No worrying about tomorrow,
And we shall share our stories bit by bit,
The days so bland and gloomy,
And the days so brightly lit.
We all have our days,
In our LORD we will be reunited,
Oh, I long for that day,
When I'll be filled with happiness and no sorrow,
And share them with my friends,
So until that time comes,
Stand strong, push on till the journey's end.

Sometimes he'd speak like a pirate
Just to get a laugh

If a giggle was worth a nickel
I couldn't finish the math

His happy carefree spirit was like
The sun lighting a room

But then somewhere down the line
My mind ignored the clues

His appearance became fewer
Like flowers approaching winter

I should've seen the signs
And tried to keep him nearer

I have not heard from him now
For years on end

And not a day goes by that I don't wish
He was still my friend.

The harder I push today, the further it pulls away

Be it a hand or a heart, I've learned to play my part

I used to indulge in the fantasy of love

Drunk off the thought, and crippled by the naught

To say that love is still my desire, would make me a ******* and brand me a liar

Love isn't vital so I shouldn't idle

No more watching the years go by, knowing I might die before I can comply

I won't squirm and yearn for a different path, but embrace the track and not look back

I'll live my life on my own accord and I won't be ashamed of leaving paths unexplored

In this world of black and white,
I stumbled upon a radiant light,
A beacon of hope in the midst of the fray,
Her gentle touch drove the shadows away.

Her laughter, a symphony of unbridled delight,
As we danced through our days and into the night,
In the tapestry of our lives, our threads entwined,
A kindred spirit, so rare to find.

In the depths of her eyes, I found solace,
A sanctuary, a secret oasis,
Her soul, a mirror of my own,
A truth untold, yet always known.

The colors she painted in my heart,
An iridescent work of art,
Her presence, a song that set me free,
The only one who understood me.

But fate, it seems, has a different plan,
She walks this earth with another's hand,
My heart, a secret I cannot share,
For I would never wish to ensnare.

And so, from a distance, my love shall grow,
A silent ember, a hidden glow,
I'll protect and stand by her side,
A confidant, forever her guide.

For in her happiness, I find my own,
A love unspoken, yet never alone,
In the twilight of our lives, I will remain,
A devoted friend, through joy and through pain.

I wonder what it’s like to not be me
To not feel like me
To not think like me
To be unrestrained of these horrid broods
These broods that confine who I am
These broods that make me feel
Like a glitch in the matrix
Questioning every moment
Questioning every movement
From a blink of an eye
To a twitch of the mouth
To the color of clothes
And the words from your mouth
Finding meaning in everything
I want it to be gone
I want to be free
Of these horrid thoughts
Just to be free
Of being me

Let’s get wrapped up, deep sensual chemistry,
Going swimming in loves waters you see,
Adding fire, making steam,
Plucking our senses like guitar strings,
Vulnerabilities resonating,
After caring, proper, attentive tunings,
I want to ******* like my pen makes love to this page,
Like spirits speak to a sage,
Like passion in fury,
Like the rawness of rage,
Like birds set free from a cage,
I want to unleash myself unto you,
Like I want to unleash myself unto myself, unto the universe,
Finding just what it means to do justice to life’s mysteries,
The must have’s and must be’s,
The must do’s and must see’s,
The must touch and must breathes,
Like the ****** of the universe, the almighty Big Bang,
I want to begin, again, and again, and again.
With you.

Missing you is like playing a guitar.
It’s tucked close to my chest,
folded in my arms and pressed against my heart.

I play the strings in a soft melody,
barely thinking as the sound fills the room.
I’m trying to recreate the way you made me feel,
but nothing compares to the moment
when you first kissed me.
Nothing compares to the rainy daydreams you filled my head with
when you first smiled at me.

I can say missing you is like feeling empty,
or a rainy day,
but missing you is like playing a guitar
because it feels so right for me.
I never deserved you,
and my guitar doesn't deserve to be heavy,
nostalgia singing to the strings.
So missing you will feel like playing guitar
just so it doesn't hurt as much.

There is a path we all must walk that isn't set in stone
staring down the empty path I start to feel alone
I make my way down the path around each bend and curve
cause here the path is the master and all on it must serve
Any direction that I look it all becomes a blur
Except for when I stare ahead and what I see is her
A fellow traveler along this path I did not think to see
A woman that looked ageless yet familiar to me
Step by step, inch by inch, I'm finally on my way
thinking all the while of what it is I'll say
Could it be that we were meant to find each other here
Or maybe it's a mistake to want to get so near
Midnight Black is the color of her falling hair
Matching how I feel inside but I know she won't care
The closer that I get to her she starts to turn her back on me
when I take a step back she turns her face so I can clearly see
The pain on her face tells me all I need to know
And what I see inside her eyes tells me that I need to let her go
There is a path we all must walk that isn't set in stone
Time to walk a new path even if it means alone

"You're so

Nice," they say,

And all I can

Do is smile.

Forged

In the embers of

An imploding star

And poured

Into diamond casts.

It was polished and

Hammered

By the suffocating darkness.

​

No-

My smile is a

Battle scar, one

Drawn from vast

Oceans of

Tears. And fire searing

Flesh which

Clotted blood.

It

Is the result

Of the gods'

Wrath and

Glimmering ichor.

It is the story, of

My wounds.

I know her name
But not much more
that’s a shame
Because I like her candour
I relate to her
She relates to me
I like her pictures
She likes my poetry
I flirt with her on text
Her replies are teasing at best
I wonder what’s next
Hopefully, she’s impressed
I want to see her up close
But the distance is a bother
She’s become my daily dose
And I don’t want another
I like the way she talks
Her charm is subtle and upbeat
She’s got me in a deadlock
Talking to her feels bittersweet
I know we don’t stand a chance
And I was in danger
This was the circumstance
She is perfect but a near stranger

No matter how heartbroken I might be,
No matter how hurt or upset or far,
No matter how sad or fat or ugly,
No matter how deep or tender our scar,

No matter the length of time that goes by,
No matter the path that we might decide,
No matter the reason we said goodbye,
No matter the size of feelings inside,

No matter what mistakes might have been made,
No matter what we may have said while hurt,
No matter what debts need to be repaid,
No matter what, if subtle or overt,

I will always be yours.

Waiting here in the dark
Waiting for that moment, a spark
When everything fall in place
Like the evening sky of stars
But I’m not there yet
There is still nothing yet
Nothing good I can use yet
Nothing pure or true I can get my hands on yet

Something never seen before
Something beautiful, full of souls
And I wonder if I could ever find it at all.

Is this the beginning of the end?
A conclusion before I even have the chance
Is this the best story I could ever write?
And all the rest after this is just ......time
But  I’m not there yet
There is still nothing yet
Nothing great I can use yet
Nothing gold or old I can get my hands on yet

Something never heard before
Something of a miracle, yet full of holes
And I wonder if I could ever fill it all.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          
So I went for a walk
To clear my mind from evil thoughts
Saw the waves rushing in to lay its gifts on the shore
Is there something for me? - a key to my creative door
No I’m still not there yet
There is still nothing yet
Nothing grand I can use yet
Nothing deep or rich I can get my hands on yet

Something never thought of before
Something so original - a pure awe
And I wonder if I could ever capture it at all.

Time is a bus that I am running behind
I cannot catch up, but still, I am
trying to quicken my pace
I grieve for people who have yet to die
and I mourn for places I have yet to see
Trying to get ahead of it,
trying to outrun the river,
but the water flows and dips,
Merciless; soon it reaches my ankles
and I am flailing against
all that I used to know, all that I used to love

Memories, unforgiving, beat me down,
tear my heart to shreds
But I used to think it slow
Wandering behind it like
rolling down a meadow
a child happy as a butterfly
Strolling, steady, like only
a child knows how to,
Unbothered and never late
since late is seldom known
But now I see the seasons
come and go, I tasted the bitter end
and swam in the deepest shallows
Currents around my neck
dragging me on and on and on
Submerged I shall be soon

Once the water was dancing
amongst the lively city
In its street, it was sliding
Showing it was still free

But the day the bomb came
Water and city got their maim

And now water's bound to his brother
Flowing in its burgundy veil
Blood and water now slither
To escape the body trail

Water's no more free and so the people are
And there's gone the beauty by the city's scar

Once people used to eat themselves
and we called it "cannibalism"
But perhaps, someday we'll say
"Once people used to **** and we called it "war""

sometimes it's hard to tell I'm alive
the plants holding me back
sometimes it's hard to tell if I survived
everything out of whack
the plague might take me
and the rats might eat me
the sun might scorch me
and the dirt might swallow me
everybody's doing their own work
but it's hard to even do mine
is this how you sort
my ethic doesn't exactly shine
I thought that I was dreaming
when the storm was coming
but it doesn't make it redeeming
I guess ill keep on running
sometimes it's hard to tell I'm alive