Graveyards are just like gardens,
If a garden is in reverse.
For beneath the tombstone markers and the green grass above,
Graveyard beds hold fester like a glove
There’s an overgrowth of decay where the corpses lie down,
And where bodies flower with maggots and tree root crowns.
They bear scarlet fruit, rot-sweet in death,
And swarm with green where they’ve since lost their breath.
There’s life waiting once one falls from the hearse,
Because graveyards are just like gardens,
If a garden is in reverse.

There is a path we all must walk that isn't set in stone
staring down the empty path I start to feel alone
I make my way down the path around each bend and curve
cause here the path is the master and all on it must serve
Any direction that I look it all becomes a blur
Except for when I stare ahead and what I see is her
A fellow traveler along this path I did not think to see
A woman that looked ageless yet familiar to me
Step by step, inch by inch, I'm finally on my way
thinking all the while of what it is I'll say
Could it be that we were meant to find each other here
Or maybe it's a mistake to want to get so near
Midnight Black is the color of her falling hair
Matching how I feel inside but I know she won't care
The closer that I get to her she starts to turn her back on me
when I take a step back she turns her face so I can clearly see
The pain on her face tells me all I need to know
And what I see inside her eyes tells me that I need to let her go
There is a path we all must walk that isn't set in stone
Time to walk a new path even if it means alone

I’ve been one to dream without restriction

But how can anyone live free of tension?

Against my best judgment, I’m blue

Yet something, someone, like you

Never could’ve crossed my mind

I’ve waited

Eager to shine.

You wanna know what scares me about you?

It’s that I could let go and live less tame

Something about you makes me feel brave

Except when I fear you’d walk away

But in this moment up here

I choose not go down there.

I find myself wondering if you’re real

Suddenly, I’m prettier in your mirror

Run away, drive away, with me

Can this stay just the way it seems?

You give back what was taken

And yes, my hands are shaking

But, it’s in a good way

Honey, You're a good way.

you smell like the ocean
and move like the breeze
your touch is like sand
inbetween my toes

and i wish that i loved you

​when you walk
the world stops to give you space
when you speak
the music fades because it can't compete

and i wish that i loved you

when you frown calm feels far gone
when you cry i can't look away
you look me in the eye
and tell me you love me

and i wish that i loved you

i'd sing you every song
to help you fall asleep
i'd give you my every muscle
if you are feeling weak

but i don't love you

She sheds useless tears full of sharp exhaustion

Her face is numb of all the smiles she shows

Who really cares how she feels?

That’s all she can do.

This isn’t new to her she has been in this harsh time before.

She mourns what has been lost.

All she can do is gather the pieces she needs to move forward

And walk away with a smile

Is she a fool?

Was it her fault she is here?

On these days so bland and lonely,
My soul aches, my spirit empty,
Everywhere I look I can't seem to find any beauty,
All hope has left me?
Another day, another year,
They're all the same,
What's the point?
So smile n wave,
Just let me go.

But I look back on the days,
Where time was full of laughter,
Yes, when my fate was true,
So much brighter,
And I pray, I pray to bring us together,
Where we shall laugh again,
With no pain and anger.

Oh, I am waiting for the grand reunion,
With my loved ones,
With whom I've spent my time,
There shall be no more sorrow,
No worrying about tomorrow,
And we shall share our stories bit by bit,
The days so bland and gloomy,
And the days so brightly lit.
We all have our days,
In our LORD we will be reunited,
Oh, I long for that day,
When I'll be filled with happiness and no sorrow,
And share them with my friends,
So until that time comes,
Stand strong, push on till the journey's end.

Waiting here in the dark
Waiting for that moment, a spark
When everything fall in place
Like the evening sky of stars
But I’m not there yet
There is still nothing yet
Nothing good I can use yet
Nothing pure or true I can get my hands on yet

Something never seen before
Something beautiful, full of souls
And I wonder if I could ever find it at all.

Is this the beginning of the end?
A conclusion before I even have the chance
Is this the best story I could ever write?
And all the rest after this is just ......time
But  I’m not there yet
There is still nothing yet
Nothing great I can use yet
Nothing gold or old I can get my hands on yet

Something never heard before
Something of a miracle, yet full of holes
And I wonder if I could ever fill it all.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          
So I went for a walk
To clear my mind from evil thoughts
Saw the waves rushing in to lay its gifts on the shore
Is there something for me? - a key to my creative door
No I’m still not there yet
There is still nothing yet
Nothing grand I can use yet
Nothing deep or rich I can get my hands on yet

Something never thought of before
Something so original - a pure awe
And I wonder if I could ever capture it at all.

I am broken
And I refuse to believe that
Someone loves me
I can see how this could be confusing, but
A broken heart can be healed
Is pure fiction
There isn’t a fish for me
Once I am old and wise, I’ll tell you that
I’ve got my own back because
Selfishness
Takes precedence over
Selflessness
Hear me out:
Once upon a time
Someone broke my heart
I remembered
Keep my head up because
My father says
Crying makes you weak
My ex says
Love comes and goes
I cannot say for certain
Love finds its way
After awhile
Hope is lost and
No longer will I sit here and act like
I know what I am doing and
It will eventually show that
I do not put forth the effort
And do not assume that
I know what I am

The harder I push today, the further it pulls away

Be it a hand or a heart, I've learned to play my part

I used to indulge in the fantasy of love

Drunk off the thought, and crippled by the naught

To say that love is still my desire, would make me a ******* and brand me a liar

Love isn't vital so I shouldn't idle

No more watching the years go by, knowing I might die before I can comply

I won't squirm and yearn for a different path, but embrace the track and not look back

I'll live my life on my own accord and I won't be ashamed of leaving paths unexplored

The way I see her

I look at her as though she were perfect.

I want to constantly feel like we connect.

She makes my heart beat quickly

And acts as if it is silly.



Her eyes are a dense forest and I easily get lost in them.

They sparkle in the sun, but look

in the darkness like a rocky cave.

They look like a fresh new leather book

And she never looks anything else but brave.



Her smile is a warm fire that melts my heart.

When she smiles it’s like a work of art.

It is as though she doesn’t know

That her smile is that of a doe.



Her laugh gives me goosebumps and I just want to hug her.

She has no idea that I like it.

Her laugh is as ringing of bells are in the distance.

It makes me smile bigger than I care to admit.

One joke and she laughs without persistence.



Her hair is brown leaves at the end of Fall.

And is as soft as a warm woolen shawl.

Her different hairstyles make me smile,

And make me want to stay with her for awhile.



Whenever I see her my eyes light up and my heart quickens.

I can’t stop staring at her.

Even by simply saying hello, I grin.

And it all happens in blur.

I also get little tingles all over my skin.



I look at her as though she were perfect,

and she doesn’t know I feel like we clicked.

With my worn fingernails,
I jab the weak ground.
I dig until my hands ache,
Until I’m too far down.

When there is no light,
That my heart can see,
I won’t ask for help,
Just please let me be.

I’m tired of digging,
And I’m tired of crying.
I say that I’m happy,
But I’m tired of lying.

I pray for the day,
My death is in stone,
Because I’m tired of being,
Depressed and alone.

sometimes it's hard to tell I'm alive
the plants holding me back
sometimes it's hard to tell if I survived
everything out of whack
the plague might take me
and the rats might eat me
the sun might scorch me
and the dirt might swallow me
everybody's doing their own work
but it's hard to even do mine
is this how you sort
my ethic doesn't exactly shine
I thought that I was dreaming
when the storm was coming
but it doesn't make it redeeming
I guess ill keep on running
sometimes it's hard to tell I'm alive

I wonder what it’s like to not be me
To not feel like me
To not think like me
To be unrestrained of these horrid broods
These broods that confine who I am
These broods that make me feel
Like a glitch in the matrix
Questioning every moment
Questioning every movement
From a blink of an eye
To a twitch of the mouth
To the color of clothes
And the words from your mouth
Finding meaning in everything
I want it to be gone
I want to be free
Of these horrid thoughts
Just to be free
Of being me

I wonder what it’s like to not be me
To not feel like me
To not think like me
To be unrestrained of these horrid broods
These broods that confine who I am
These broods that make me feel
Like a glitch in the matrix
Questioning every moment
Questioning every movement
From a blink of an eye
To a twitch of the mouth
To the color of clothes
And the words from your mouth
Finding meaning in everything
I want it to be gone
I want to be free
Of these horrid thoughts
Just to be free
Of being me

He can think clearly now that there's no pain in his head
Used to think that he’d just be better off dead
Wrote his own eulogy and this is how it read
There was a lonely boy hoping someday that he might find
A way to close this void and find some peace of mind
He loved his family and friends but could not love himself
He asked all the right questions but could not ask for help
He used to cry and pray to a God he didn’t believe in
And in some ****** up way
He thought it’d be okay
And no one would notice him leaving
He didn’t know what else to do
He clutched for straws and knew he was through
His time had come, it will be done
He was not proud of what he’d become
He closed his eyes
Reached to the skies
His body shook
His voice began to rise
He was finally off the hook
He took one last look
As tears streamed down from his eyes
And on that night
His end in sight
He prepared his final goodbyes
And as we fade to black
He must admit He could not write an end to this
For that lonely boy grew to be a man
He took a chance on himself
Put his fears high on a shelf
He thought it was over, but didn’t know that his story had just begun
For what you did not see
When you were trapped alone at sea
Is that this lonely boy is me
And I was hoping someday that I might find
A way to close this void and find some peace of mind
I loved my family and friends but I could not love myself
I asked all the right questions but I could not ask for help
But in the end, I finally know
You must take your life nice and slow
Turn your hate to love
Close your eyes and reach above
The storm will pass
Even though your boat might shake
Look through the glass
And do not fear the break
Last but not very least
Love yourself until the end
Figure out how you want to spend
Your time alive, since your time here is leased
And once you know
Your book will close
I guarantee you will be free
To write the ending for yourself.

Time is a bus that I am running behind
I cannot catch up, but still, I am
trying to quicken my pace
I grieve for people who have yet to die
and I mourn for places I have yet to see
Trying to get ahead of it,
trying to outrun the river,
but the water flows and dips,
Merciless; soon it reaches my ankles
and I am flailing against
all that I used to know, all that I used to love

Memories, unforgiving, beat me down,
tear my heart to shreds
But I used to think it slow
Wandering behind it like
rolling down a meadow
a child happy as a butterfly
Strolling, steady, like only
a child knows how to,
Unbothered and never late
since late is seldom known
But now I see the seasons
come and go, I tasted the bitter end
and swam in the deepest shallows
Currents around my neck
dragging me on and on and on
Submerged I shall be soon

You learn to throw it scraps now and then
Keep the demons at bay
Yet they grow hungry again and again,
No hope in tomorrow for them to be slain

Battling the monsters, for so long
Who would've thought you'd become one
Staring at the abyss, the abyss stares at you
Feeding a hunger which you never even knew

Could destroy you, and destroy you it did
Your life ruined by the thirst which can't be quenched
Waiting for the day you lie down to rest
Your death the only promise which lies at your end.

I cannot pretend to be cool.
They all see it, they laugh at me for being a fool
and I sit there devastated, that my face is ripped apart.
I feel weak, quite. I can't stand it.
My heart pumps only if eyes are on me, but it splits
when the eyes cast on me poison green.
I *****? I am disgusting.
A fool, I am a fool.
I disgust myself and everyone,
when I go outside, trees twist just to look away.
God, what have you done?
Does it matter? It doesn't turn me any wiser.
Burn my guilt, but do not make me rise
and glow the same red for eternity.
Do not make me a Phoenix, I will only have the same feathers and claws.
Every time I die, turn me to something new.
If I die with fire, then raise me in waters.
If I die in the mountains, then form me in the clouds.
If I die with claws, then give me flippers.
If I die a snake then make me a cow.
If I die with glory, house my new childhood in shame.
Do not give me the same mistakes.
I do not deserve thoughts, they only spit lies and defilement.
Do not bring the gods into this
They already know, they have seen this even before my birth,
failure or not, I wish to not see their divine lens
on my life, I shall be afraid.
Shame on me, I loath myself on every occasion
that I thought to myself as improving
but the only thing refined
are the lies I tell myself.

False hope, the killer of men
Sought by many that seek an end
Those that remember yesterday
think its the only way
And those that think tomorrow
Will be full of sorrow
It doesn't end the pain
It just makes another feel the same


The suns hard to see
When there's so many clouds
And you might not agree
When that voice is so loud

​
But it never rains forever

"You're so

Nice," they say,

And all I can

Do is smile.

Forged

In the embers of

An imploding star

And poured

Into diamond casts.

It was polished and

Hammered

By the suffocating darkness.

​

No-

My smile is a

Battle scar, one

Drawn from vast

Oceans of

Tears. And fire searing

Flesh which

Clotted blood.

It

Is the result

Of the gods'

Wrath and

Glimmering ichor.

It is the story, of

My wounds.

In the end, all I am is a memory
so I wonder who will remember me
will I grow old and have a legacy
or will I die young and be erased from history

will I change the world for good
will any of my actions ever be understood
will I fade into obscurity
will anything I ever do matter in eternity

I’m no nihilist but what if this means nothing
does it really matter what day is my ending
if I die when I’m not ready does that really matter
and if I live without a soulmate is that really a disaster

nothing matters but I can still cry
life is pointless but I don’t want to die
I will never mean anything but I can still try

to wish for love and happiness seems so pointless
but nevertheless
I will always believe there's hope in all of this mess.

I cried for you at different times
For different reasons.
Losing you was not what
I thought it would be.

Pain, numbed.
Exists only in flashes
That remind me where I stand;
A certain clarity.

Memories fade in the collectives haze,
And life continues.
What could have been,

Those promises -
Lies you told to hold me close.
Exist only in the space
Where self perpetuated wounds still bite.

Every book has a final page,
Where goodbyes are made,
and closing words displayed
And though every Story needs it, it's so hard to read it
Because no one wants the journey to end
And you have a choice to make:
Either leave the end unread and pretend that means it doesn't exist
Or accept the fact that it's the last act, that endings happen and that's that.

​
Remember that if the ending is enough to be sad about then the story had plenty to be glad about
You should be happy it happened and remember it fondly,
And those feelings you felt so strongly won't wrongly be replaced by misplaced sorrow that yesterday happened and now we must deal with tomorrow
Because it isn't as bad as it seems
Because it holds all of your hopes and your dreams
All of your tomorrows are bursting at the seams, with opportunities and fondly remembered yesterdays just waiting for you to finish today
So please, don't be afraid of endings and tomorrows

I'd like to remind you besides,
That If you finished more stories you would often find
That they might read, "To be continued, at another time"

It pains me
to look into the rain washed
windows of your soul
and realize I’ll never find shelter
in them.

Instead I’m forced to watch
as you with someone,
share the sun
on my darkest days.
Pouring blackness into
my white world
leaving me with nothing
but grey.

And when the sun sets,
and your eyes follow the horizon
until it bends,
I hope you realize why
we can never be,
"Just friends"

A man sits alone
in the place he calls home
and he sits in his chair and he weeps
 
A tear in his seams
Has wounded his dreams
And upon him, slowly, death creeps
 
He’s not broken yet
But he can’t forget
How he pushed all of his loved ones away
 
And now he can tell
That in this living hell
That he’d wishes he’d just let them stay
 
Now see the blood drip
From his fingertips
As it pools at his feet on the floor.
 
He’s fought for so long
His defenses are gone
And he can’t fight alone anymore
 
And the pieces he’s lost
What his choices have cost
Have torn his conscious to shreds
 
His own mind betrayed
Wants not to be saved
So alone, there he sits, until dead.

Loneliness hits in waves

Crashing upon the heart like a bullet when you least expect it

The impact soon spreads to the brain

Riddled with self-doubt, you think if you are worth it

“What are you doing wrong?”

You could be sitting alone at night

You could be talking with a friend

But the gun always seems to fire, and the impact always seems to occur

Everlasting hurt your soul is subject to bear

Sometimes further isolation can happen

And sometimes you can surround yourself with friends

But regardless of the balm applied to this perpetual wound the pain can be felt

Loneliness hits in waves

Once the water was dancing
amongst the lively city
In its street, it was sliding
Showing it was still free

But the day the bomb came
Water and city got their maim

And now water's bound to his brother
Flowing in its burgundy veil
Blood and water now slither
To escape the body trail

Water's no more free and so the people are
And there's gone the beauty by the city's scar

Once people used to eat themselves
and we called it "cannibalism"
But perhaps, someday we'll say
"Once people used to **** and we called it "war""

The Cathedral stands
at the heart of the city,
so pure and beloved,
so strong and enduring.

Year after year,
through thick and through thin,
Through revolution and war
Our Lady stays strong.

​
Just one spark
Inconsequential and small.
Surely it couldn’t
bring her down to her knees.

Pride of the city,
the city of love,
it’ll take more
than just one spark.

​
But sparks turn to embers,
and embers to flames,
and before we know it,
all is engulfed.

The problem we have
is that things made of wood
may seem so strong
but they always can burn.

​
We try to save her,
She means too much to us all.
Something so beautiful
can’t just burn down.

But the flames grow higher
and the spire collapses.
Can she be saved?

A prisoner of warmth.

Trapped in this cell of anxiety.

With a blind warden.

One who cannot see the prisoner.

Yet talks to the god as if it is nothing

Your golden hair that flows and curls.

The demeanor that rips sympathy from me.

Your unprecedented kindness.

It all brings my heart to a still.

And my mind at ease

Is it love?

A simple admiration of beauty?

I do not know.

I simply feel like I’m drowning.

Drowning in this silence.

Drowning in my fear

In this dark void.

That i float in despair.

You are my beacon.

My hope.

My brilliant star that i wish to pluck.

The star that i love.

Sometimes he'd speak like a pirate
Just to get a laugh

If a giggle was worth a nickel
I couldn't finish the math

His happy carefree spirit was like
The sun lighting a room

But then somewhere down the line
My mind ignored the clues

His appearance became fewer
Like flowers approaching winter

I should've seen the signs
And tried to keep him nearer

I have not heard from him now
For years on end

And not a day goes by that I don't wish
He was still my friend.

Of all my years of life, I’ve had one dream,
that one like you, with visage radiant,
would grace me with your captivating smile.
Your presence carries with it such a joy,
your voice, elixir for my weary soul.
I wish to drown in this unbridled love.

How I wish you would be my love,
I wish to wake up from this lucid dream,
which both elates and haunts my longing soul.
I wake each morn with sadness radiant,
because I long to share with you the joy
I feel whenever I’m graced by your sweet smile.

How your simple presence makes me smile,
As I wait for reciprocated love,
I strive to be content and take my joy
in living for this fantasy, this dream.
For when I see your light so radiant,
it kindles life to flames within my soul.

How my face betrays my troubled soul,
You see the pleasant contour of my smile,
and never it fails to shine so radiant,
as I am plagued by unrequited love.
One day I’ll make reality from dream,
And soar with you in long deserved joy.

How I long to share with you my joy,
Just like an anchor weighing on my soul,
it serves to power this unending dream.
I wish to show the pain behind my smile,
from holding in this life-affirming love
while gazing at your form, so radiant.

Hear my words fair goddess, radiant,
One day, I will turn sadness into joy,
as I confess to you my boundless love
and intertwine with yours, my bursting soul