I don't like how my face changes when I am in love
You would think that it would look as if it's full of stars
Filled with the shine of the moon
Filled with the summer breeze in June
Nothing will ever make me fully love you
How can I change so much
How can my body change so much so that I don't recognize me
Why would you ever lie and say that you ever wanted me
I feel like leaving but my heart says stay
I don't know where to go but I can't rely on you to pave the way
I can't even see myself when I look in the mirror
I can't even hear myself when you are near
I hope I get the chance to ask myself, "What was I doing here?"

I sadly found myself starting to doubt God again
And just as I said I had enough, His angels swarmed in
With the warmest hugs and the sweetest kisses
God showed me the light with song and dance
With long lost friends
How He shows up is never known until it's done
God is amazing and is asking you to HOLD on
Never lose sight or hope
He is with you and He needs you to know
All the trees and the birds have a reason
Yes they all change with the season
And so will you
So there is no need to be so blue
You are so precious because you were made in His sight
And you'll never come across someone He is not willing to fight for
He is our God, He is our saviour

I wrote of Italy as a little girl
I never knew it would take me here
With your brown curly hair that you hate but I adore
I want my children to have your every feature
I know you see me and I see you
You are so scared that I will abandon you
You are here to stay and I am loyal
There is no need to hide or fight anymore
When you come back to America
I hope to be the one you search for.

What my family doesn't know is that I love photography and videography
I'm a painter, a poet, and I love to dance
They are unaware of how well I can sing and how much I love making music
They sigh at my presence as if I'm the one who murdered someone
As if I am the one who walked out when times got hard
They look at me and think "how broken."
I just wish they could see the light on the other side
It's okay to just be and thrive
It's okay to live a free life
They will never understand what it's like to crave true freedom
I will never get these years back from trying to please them
I will have to move forward into the blue
Where the sun shines on the horizon and the mountains kiss the stars
Where the sand gets stuck in every crevice
Where my hair seems to wash itself
And the wind gives a natural blowout
What a blessing it is to be alive
To feel this good again before I die
My family will never know my secret
It's true freedom that keeps me breathing

Let's not forget the way I went homeless
The way I starved day in and day out
How I feared that I wasn't making enough milk for my growing boy
Let us remember the way the cars honked as I walked by with my stroller
The way heads turned to judge and not to help
Let us all know that this was hell
Let us never go back to feeling that low again
Let it never happen
Let it never happen
Let it never happen

The feeling just keeps creeping in and I can't seem to clear my head
it's not my fault and it's not yours either and I no longer want to play the blame game. I just want to dance and smell the flowers and I want to sing for hours
without interruption.

I'm tired of my mind being poisoned. I need a cleanse and I want to feel better about myself. I need this now more than ever. The trees aren't as green as they used to be. My smile isn't as bright. My love hides in the dark and my heart feels tight. I can't move sometimes and it's hard to learn without forgetting. It's hard to be happy with these circumstances and I wish I would have passed all my classes.

Maybe in you would've succeeded if you were still in school. Maybe you'd smile longer if the world wasn't so cruel. I feel the weight of the world and I do not want this. I want to be free. Free of pain and sadness. Free of mishaps.

Hey,
I'm okay. I am able to rest now. It's so dark in here but I love it. I am able to finally be who I want without judgment
Everyone is so kind and loving
I have a huge yard where I can play football "touchdown"
A big big house it's my father's house
Don't worry bink I am always here with you  I love you forever don't be scared
Tell Ariah I said I love her and tell Ambrosia and Azarae I'll be with them soon.