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it didn't start as a counting
1 had no more purpose than 0
I felt whole before awareness
          consciousness is a rolling pen
          stumbling through ellipses...
now
       sentences serve as benchmarks

incidentally     I am building to something
incrementally     I am cramming margins with loose pennies
          indented     new paragraphs detract from my sum
          indentured     no change comes from this work

  t   h   e   s   e     w   o   r   d   s     s   p   r   e   a   d     h   o   l   l   o   w
consumed space                                                         an empty metric


as it stands     I am at 77 words
yet no further than when I started
       sometimes the goal is a ploy
I am hemming myself in with empty
periods are a euphemism.
 Aug 29 b for short
badwords
A drive-in at the edge of time,
its neon humming louder than the stars.
One thing on the menu,
the thing I swore I wanted most.
Infinity stacked on infinity,
the order already written on the slip.

I reach for the tray,
pretending it’s a choice.
But my hunger was calculated years ago,
folded into ads and family scripts,
into the rhythm of bills and debts,
into a father’s silence,
a mother’s instruction,
all of it rehearsed.

Uncertainty—
they call it quantum,
a blur between position and momentum.
But uncertainty lives only in the act of looking.
Particles don’t hesitate;
they march in algebraic procession.
And I am no different:
neurons, traumas, desires,
just more math grinding forward.

The menu watches me back.
Each decision a loop,
each rebellion already anticipated.
Off-menu dreams rerouted,
sold back as neon slogans
on the same cracked sign.

Here is the human cost:
streets of people circling the counter,
mistaking repetition for freedom.
Whole cities of choice collapsing
into prefab inevitability.

And yet—
art mutates.
Sometimes it glows louder,
selling the same meal in brighter colors.
Sometimes it scrawls graffiti on the wall:
there are other kitchens.

Cancer or evolution,
mutation or recursion,
all of it still algebra.
But maybe—
just maybe—
algebra can surprise itself.
A tide imperceptibly rises,
a sun dies just a little more.
New lamppost starlight
blooms but fails to hide
a carpaccio of night
pounded thin and fried;
autumn thoughts of all sizes
clot in the gut, a bezoar
that might be a bitter cure
for tomorrow's sweeter troubles
which double and then redouble.
Yet even a heart-worn raconteur
reveres leaf-fallen days;
wind rips a brittle baize.
ABCD CDAB EFFE GG

edited the ending couplet a couple times for better flow
 Aug 29 b for short
Nigdaw
my mother in law
lies on a gurney in a corridor
waiting for a bed
a limbo
between treatment and death
either way
the corridor clears
for the next contestant
 Aug 29 b for short
Nigdaw
angels dance in the inferno
of creativity
untouched by it's heat
just illuminated in flame
while I stumble through
a forest
with trees I couldn't bring
to life on a page
but Blake in his divine
madness
saw angels in the branches
the world community
must be at all times ready
for another virus's chaotic
and volatile eddy  

there's a fifty fifty chance
of a new virus ocurring
and the very thought of it
isn't all that alluring 
 
humanity cannot afford to
let down its guard
whilst a damaging virus load
is living in its yard

the bane of a virus is
ominpresent
and its effects are said to
be so unpleasant
    
hear ye hear ye
this being the decree
from the uncontrolled spread
of virus we're not free
~for the men and women who fish to feed the soul of others~


this spring we will not walk Central Park.  The cherry blossoms and the new buds will go unobserved, and just like a
felled tree
in the forest, their birthing,  weeping, and silent dying, will go unheard.

but the roses come!

delivered by Whole Foods, red roses included with our food order,
for red roses are a vital staple, a gift of the globalized logistical feat that feeds we eight million prisoners, a red beacon to all currently

held in solitary confinement.

The men who bring them from the Netherlands, and the men from the Caribbean who deliver them, they by virus, as of yet, have not

been felled.

and I turn my mind’s eye to the mountains of heaven asking
“From Where will Come Our Salvation?”^

heaven answers with a wry awry, why Whole Foods, of course!

the cut roses pass in a few days, their heads slumped over, victims of their own virus, the inevitability + cyclicality of time.

but the petals, pose a question,
as they too are
felled and fall,
how is our death different from yours?

neither I, or the quietus of the empty streets,
even heaven,
have a ready reply;
for all of us are
felled, fallen,
by an onerous, hungry
silence.



^ Psalm 121:1
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