Everybody said, it would become easier over time.
Told me, that everything will work out fine,
when I just live my life without thinking
at all the things that happened before.
Told me, life just means living
without regrets or sorrows
enjoying every day
to the fullest.  

Sometimes  
I believe you tight.
In times with all of you
my negative thoughts fade
and you all may see me smile.
Those are the times I am free again
being the one that you force me to be
in order to see you smile, my dear friends.    
    
Those are the times you can see me alive,
vividly bright and charmingly light;
but those times became rare lately.
Frankly spoken I lost my hope
of something ever to change
and regaining the colour
forcefully bleached
out of my life.

I am tired and the raindrops keep falling
while the black night stares outside in at me.
The light gets shady with every minute
and round me everything begins to fade.

The only thing that matters still,
the only thing that counts,
is your loving smile at me,
for it is what me really astounds.

You showed me your tumblr blog
and made me read your mind,
thus showing me another yours,
so far I still was blind.

The only thing that matters still,
the only thing that counts,
is being here and writing for you
hoping it fixes some of your wounds.

A look at your face reveals your tiredness
but you still fight for my prize,
as you already know from me,
that keeping up would be wise.

The only thing that's matters still,
the only thing that counts,
is how you will react to them,
these words released from their bounds.

Yesterday morning
I envied your ambition into your studies and that you finished school with such good results.
I respected you for the kindness you showed to each and everyone and
I admired the massive amount of compassion residing inside you.
I smiled at your youthful craziness with which you lightened my life.
I protected you as much as I could, even if I looked like a desperate idiot.
... yesterday morning I loved you.

Yesterday evening
I labeled your words as lies and marked the actions that identified them.
I shooked my head in disbelief over your efforts to get rid of your kind and passionate self, thus
I smirked diabolically, knowing that you will never find peaceful happiness by his side.
I rendered myself in agony over the things you had done without even caring a bit about me and
I looked with disgust at the face of yours, wishing I could fill it with pain and sorrow.
... yesterday evening I hated you.

Today
I woke up with an aching head, having drunk too much at the party the night before.
I remarked the ray of sunlight dancing on the new pictures I put on my wall the week before.
I checked my account showing the last payment after I got fired at work the month before.
I repeated the moves which we learned in self defense courses I started three months before.
I looked in the mirror staring at the man you ditched six months before.
... today everything was without you.

*But why is it then, that I still can't forget you?