how could i ever expect to believe
that you understand
when you and i both know
     we see the world through different eyes

you don't see the monsters
who hide beneath my eyelids
you don't hear the things they whisper whilst i sleep
     you don't see my ****** up dreams

and yes
     i'd love for you to stay
and i do taste your flesh
          in the way you say "i know"

but
     no
you don't

so
     know this

this is why i rush you to leave
why i won't let you say "need"
     why i lock the door

this is why you DO want me more

          because i like you too much to break you
     and i'd hate to share with you my shadows

as much as i loathe the familiarity of your frame
i can't help but be mesmurized by your face
     the look of your lips and the shape they take
as you wrestle the bottle to death


     i confess
     it's something i dream of
as the nightmares change their shapes

i dropped to my knees
digging deep for water
     and felt the clay take shape beneath my fingers

this place
     this is home

so from the dust i sculpted doorways
          and windows
          and halls
     lifted up walls
and made myself a castle out of the sand

now i drink beer at the edge of paradise
and ask the thirsty to come inside
     and play in the shade


i never ask them to stay
     but neither do i point them towards the door

When she's new
everything's perfect.

Sometimes early
on you have stall-
outs

A few here
and there
isn't
really a
big deal.

It happens
to us all.

As you learn her
your confidence
grows and you
learn how she
likes it
and how she
likes your style.

You need
to listen to her
she will tell you
when it's too fast
or too slow.

When you held on
too long
or were too slow
to let go.

The stench of your abuse
will fill your
nostrils

make you sick
to your stomach
and when she starts
screaming,
but not going anywhere

you'll smell this in
her words.

One day, soon
she will break
because of you
because that's how she's
made

But in about ten
hours, one thousand
or so dollars later

She will be
like new
again.

She will be

Perfect.

his family says they'd accept him
it’s scrawled in permanent marker across their smiling faces
what will the neighbors think?
blood is thicker than water, but they’re parched

but the monster under the bed is
those whispering thoughts
he knows they'd all have
engrained into their pre-dispositions
of a cookie-cutter America

the kids at school
the snickers and sharp talk
protected by the armor of his back being turned
up front labeling
"insert your coin and I'll spit out acceptance, only .25"

their drooping faces sewed into smiles
with the thread of a rainbow flag

more and more individuals
are made to waltz
to the familiar song of being trapped

the door to his closet is jammed
he’s bisexual, not bi-species

i can only love in splinters,
in tsunamis.

One day it'll all come back
all the things I've done
and said
the ways I've acted to the people I care about most
and I'll deserve whatever
i get