'Don't chase girls. Chase a career. Chase enough money and girls will come. Don't dwell on heartbreak, work yourself to death and don't get married, the next time I meet you better be at your funeral because you have worked yourself to death'.

One and half year later
'This is my girlfriend. We're getting engaged. Yeah chase love. It's beautiful'.

I avert his gaze
his hand sliding up my thighs
as my voice muffles.

I let out a scream
silence is all I could hear
as I see his eyes.

His eyes pierce my soul
tainting that one part of me
that felt always clean.

I took a shower
I took a hundred showers
but it still lingered.

It will be ten years
it will be twenty full years
but I felt empty.

I live in a spiders web:
a silver thread tightly tied
between my head and heart
only to ever be consumed
by a spider that lurks over
my body.

I live in a world:
known as Earth.

There were days
when I could still see your tears
and pretended I didn't care,
pretended that it didn't bother me.

There were days
when I could see that you
struggled and slipped between
the cracks of all the different issues.

There were days
when I pretended I didn't know you
that I never ever knew you,
that I didn't care.

There were days
I hated myself more than ever
because I couldn't find it
in myself to not care about you.