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 May 2016 Bailey
S G Arndt
You loved me first

Under that spring night sky
You fell harder
As my breath moved across your skin
Under that spring night sky
I was no longer a stranger
When we broke down our bodies boarders
Under that spring night sky
If only you could see yourself in the light
Of the stars above you tonight
Under that spring night sky
I thought I was in love
I never knew it would be the only time
Under that spring night sky
When I kissed you goodnight
And went on without you in my life

☁️
 May 2016 Bailey
S G Arndt
These pills don't take away the pain
Yeah
These pills don't take away the pain
Ohhh girl
These pills don't take away the pain
Please help
These pills don't take away the pain

☁️
 May 2016 Bailey
Slur pee
An angel made of unreal perfection.
A demon that curses me with rejection.
Puffy, honeyed lips that I crave more everyday.
A mouth that only spews out words of hate.
He makes me feel so warm and not alone.
You make me feel like hell is my only home.

It's always freezing cold in that hole of a soul.

When you force yourself upon me
To him, my thoughts creep
It doesn't hurt so badly
If I pretend it's his body-
His mouth absorbing my screams
His fingers clinging to me,
Digging into scarred skin.
It is never a sin;
It isn't, if it's him.

It's always freezing cold, I'm shivering in your soul.

He's an angel, eluding my prayers
While you're a devil that selfishly answers.
I want to feel the softness of his feathers
Raining down on me like kisses
A million times better,
Than all of your sorry excuses.

Your love only comes in forms of abuse
Use me, so you don't have to feel so obtuse.
Escaping you, through portals of imagination.
A face of a man who fills me with elation,
While you teach me self-hatred,
I've been begging you to leave for ages.

It isn't fair when my feelings have waned,
I don't feel the same, but you insist that there's a flame-
So you stay, chaining me
To the heart of a knave
Insisting I'm property,
An object for you to keep
But I dream of him,
When I'm imprisoned
In arms while we sleep.
I just want you to leave,
I want to be freed.

Your soul is freezing cold, the place where I'm forced to grow old.
Pain falls like snow coursing through these brittle bones.

It hurts so much knowing his heart will never be in my hold.

-SLuR
 May 2016 Bailey
Slur pee
I'm inflamed again,
Picking at skin again.
Creating scabs once more,
Reveling in open sores.
I want to feel pain again,
Shower me in shame again
Like the crimson rain that's condensed inside my veins.
I'll call you a home again,
If you make me feel alone again.
Reflections of childhood
When the walls listened and understood.
The Shark's calling my name again,
Craving serrated blades again.
To saw across scars- healed skin,
Trace against marks of past sin.
I want to draw your face again,
Take me to a pretty place again.
Don't drown me in your sympathy,
With eyes playing the saddest symphonies.
I long to play with Death again
To feel my suns set again.
Give me the perfect gifts,
Of a moonlit noose and kiss.

Or don't I deserve it,
Am I so imperfect?

-SLuR
 May 2016 Bailey
Slur pee
I don't care
About all the other jewels you hold in cusped hands,
You make me feel as valuable as each and every one of them.
I want to adorn your skin, just to leave a subtle hint
To make you feel beautiful with the way I complement,
Throwing compliments to your feet, on my knees
Begging you, please, just one
Chance to release these feelings.
A day of your love. A second of your touch,
I just want to say that I've had the experience.
I crave your kiss, I crave your tongue.
Your body is where my fingers long to run,
Across every flawless inch of skin
Every rise, every dip
Let me burn you with fingertips
And scorching lips,
Whispering promises of rhythmic hips.

I just want one day.
One measly minute.
One tiny, insignificant
Miniscule second;
To taste your heaven.

To etch every detail
Into my brainstem.

-SLuR
 May 2016 Bailey
Slur pee
Blah.
 May 2016 Bailey
Slur pee
Fragile whispers of life split time
Rewinding moments in our lives,
Reliving memories- a crime.

Into the past again, it dives
This damaged thing I call a mind.
A house of swarming thoughts, a hive

With jagged teeth that gnash, unkind
It growls and screams until I lie
Comatose, drugged- high to unwind.

Gouge out these broken Pisces eyes,
Cursed by Neptune with illusions
These morbid scenes in which I die.

Privacy denied intrusion,
Fooled by charming Virgo smiles.
Unnoticed were the allusions.

Hatred drags along for miles,
Stubbornly, beside my shadow
While I pace down endless aisles.

Looking along these countless rows,
For something to sate the calloused
Fragments of me that decompose

Oh, you fill my heart with malice
Make my dry skin melt like plastics.
Going down a hole, like Alice.

-SLuR
 May 2016 Bailey
Slur pee
Robotic.
 May 2016 Bailey
Slur pee
Wired veins,
Electric shame,
Programmed,
So I don't feel pain.
Created to act,
Like I'm intact,
But really, I'm wrecked.
Artificially
Intelligent,
Never to be sentient.
Master, tell me,
What is love?
And all the things,
It consists of.
Boundless knowledge,
But I'll never know,
How it feels to function,
Like the humans do.

-SLuR
 May 2016 Bailey
Star Gazer
A lake where flowers
Were left to wilt amongst ****
To mourn the lost kids.
 May 2016 Bailey
mikecccc
Wizard hat
 May 2016 Bailey
mikecccc
Rabbits and demons
Lurk in that cap
Stars from the sky
Bedazzle that cap
In a locked chest
Resides that cap
It clashes
With this season's attire.
No
it does not
come in green.
 May 2016 Bailey
Ashley Dewicki
What does it mean

To be a Mommy, a Mom, or a Mother?

A Mommy…carries you for nine months.
Her feet swell and she can’t sleep well.
She sings to her belly waiting for her miracle to come.
She rushes to the hospital, staying strong but scared all at once.
She lets your older sister hold you before she even does because your sister was so excited to finally have a little girl in the family.
She spends sleepless nights trying to persuade you to close your eyes.
She sings “You are My Sunshine,” “Once upon a Dream,” and “An Irish Lullaby” as you drift off to sleep with her comforting voice.
She cradles you in her arms, hoping the tight blanket wrapped around your tiny body will prevent you from growing up too soon.
She lets your hand go as you take your first steps, the little bells on your shoes jingling away.
She watches your bright eyes discover the dark world she was afraid to bring you into.
She teaches you everything she knows.
How to be kind, how to tie your shoes, how to apologize, and mean it.
She sits on the edge of the bed reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar and rewinds Mulan for the hundredth time that day.
She showers you with love and you don’t realize how lucky you are.
She holds your tiny hand in hers as she shows you what life has to offer.

A Mom…helps you with all the school projects you bring home, and let’s be honest, she does it all for you.
She picks you up from school every day, an hour after school was out. The teachers started to become accustom to this routine.
She makes dinner for you every night. You never went to bed hungry.
She asks you to pick up your toys and to not leave them laying around the house.
She scolds you for constantly picking on your little siblings.
She jams out to Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, and Eminem in her big red van with the windows rolled down on a warm summer day.
You stay up until the sun rises the next day watching whatever came on TV because you’re both night owls.
She makes you a pink heart shaped cake every year for your birthday decorated with your favorite princess figurines.
She reminds you when you get on her nerves that she gave you your life, and she can take it away.
She sits on the edge of the bed, blow drying your hair, while you doze off from the warmth and security of her love.
You look at her and know she is the woman you want to be one day, so you live each day with the kindness and compassion she bestowed upon you.
She is quiet but you’re too young to think anything of it besides being soft spoken and modeling yourself after her.

A Mother…reminds you to finish your homework before you watch TV.
She sits in the passenger seat, telling you every five seconds to “slow down” or “don’t get too close”.
She gets mad when you don’t help out around the house as much as you used to.
She says you spend too much time with your friends.
She’s waves proudly from the crowd as you walk across the stage, accepting your diploma.
She tells you, “Why don’t you pay for it? You have a job.”
She says you spend too much time with your boyfriend.
She tells you that you don’t need all that makeup to look pretty.
She asks you where you’re going but you just want to be independent.
She feels like her little girl is slipping away.
She sits on the edge of the bed, but this time you’re all grown.
You’ve been hurt badly. A cut so deep you think it won’t ever heal
You’ve been crying for days because a boy broke your heart.
You’re confused and lost. You feel like you could never be happy again.
She sits on the edge of the bed.
She listens as you sob, asking yourself what you ever did to deserve such cruelty, all the while still hoping he’ll take you back.
Then she tells you
About the boy that broke her heart.
How she thought that was the end for her. She didn’t want to go on after he left.
And then you realize that your mom is human.
She isn’t superwoman, a princess, or an angel.
No.
She’s you.
Because everything she’s experienced, she’s survived, and it made her the woman she is today. Faults and all.
And she raised you to be like her.
She raised you to realize that sorry little boys don’t deserve the time you give them.
She raised you to be strong, honest, loyal, and most importantly, kind.
And after that night, you never loved your mother more than you do now.
Because she’***** rock bottom, but survived.
And you now see the courageous woman that she is.
And one day, when you’re sitting on the edge of the bed singing to your daughter, “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You’ll never know dear how much I love you. Please. Don’t take my sunshine away.” You realize that the sunshine doesn’t last forever, but it always comes back after the dark nights.

And after that dark night, the sun rose.
And you gave your mother a hug.
A real hug.
One like that little girl who called her mommy would give her.
Because you never want to lose your sunshine.

Happy Mother’s Day Mom.

Love,
Ashley
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