Every Tuesday I take a trip to the train station.
I pack all that I have, as heavy as it may be
       set it upon my back
                           then begin my journey.
I stop at times when it all seems like it is too much
                     and try to adjust my cargo
But I realize that I am only slowing myself down
              when I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders
    I fake a smile, for undergoing such a weight is pain
    I breathe in deep and count my steps, fearing that I will only drown and what I have been holding back.
     I have a choice between going nowhere and going somewhere

So I choose.

And instead of hiding or quitting
                I let my burdened baggage go
I open my suitcase, like an old wound
     Lift out what has been tattered and torn
     And set my burdened cargo free to the wind
     I face what I must, and find strength in what I am tossed and thrown aside
     I noticed the stares as overlookers pass
  But I give them a smile and stand up a little taller
     For when that is done, I have reached the station

I bled for you,
I gave into you,
I wanted to make you happy.
I have an evil soul
I can never be made whole.
No room for a savior.
No way for anyone to save me
Paint me a picture
Make the world look so much better.
There is so much that is not okay.
So much pain
Every mistaken day.
Make me feel
Something real
Little child, such kind eyes
Don’t listen to these lies
They try to take you.
They try to break you
Don’t listen.
I am broken.
I feel nothing inside.
Lie to me
Tell me everything is okay
Lie to me
Open my eyes to a perfect world.
Make it like
The pain was never there.
Abusive scars just disappear.
Make me feel human
Tell me something I want to hear
Cause right now I can’t survive.
Pretend to love me
Pretend to know me
Give me a friend
Give me a lover.
Give me one more reason to live.
The gun
Is awful close
I can taste
The copper against my tongue.
I can’t breathe
Are you listening?
If I say
‘’I love you”,
Would you stay?
I know I am ugly, I am garbage
Which is why I need just one friend.
Tell me everything is okay.
Make me feel again.
Please revive my soul.
I don’t care
If what you say is true
I just need to hear it.
Been so alone
I can hear the world mocking me.
Night after night
Day after day
Depression holds me at ransom
Taking all the joy I ever knew.
Romanticize me,
My life depends on it,
*My life depends on it

I miss you something awful
and it hurts real bad.
Today I cried because I realized
You'll never want me back
I'm a mess, I'm a project:
I am charity work you took on.
You loved me and I you,
But in a blink you were gone.
Now I feel like a part of me's missing
Because it liked you more.
I guess I didn't realize
You and I were at war.
Well baby, you win
To the victor do the spoils go.
You have my heart still
And my promise isn't broke.
You're beautiful; spectacular
Please don't change a thing.
I love you, you wonderful man,
Even though to you I am nothing

Turn the lights off so that I may know you
In this safe space, I invite you to indulge in our mutual vulnerability
Feel protection in my arms as I guard your heart
As I keep it warm between our chests
Set your gaze to mine while you share with me your aspirations
I yearn to experience them through the windows to your soul
Share with me your fears so that I may put them to rest
May this bed be a holy and sacred place for us
May this bed be our confession booth free from ridicule
May this bed be a tithing basket for you to receive love with no boundaries
In this bed, allow divine pleasure to overwhelm you
Let your ****** match the depth of your trust
Let your tears turn to sweat that trickles down the valley of your spine
Let your ****** fluids baptize you; cleanse you of any guilt
Share with me your spiritual awakening
As I receive communion with your raw, unfiltered, liquified emotion running down your body
Toss out your bible, for the only religious text I need is your diary
Allow me to tie every inch of your glorious body to a memory
I wish not to ****, but to love
I wish to fulfill all your fetishistic urges
For I know they are tied to a psychological yearning
By the end of the night I wish to know every inch of your flesh
I want the knowledge to be accompanied by the memories that make you, you
And if I fail, there's always round two after we cuddle

Tyler Castro
3/19/17