Backyard lit by white lights
a fire burning
My cheeks flushed
From ample wine
and laughter.

I sit here gracelessly
Trying to evade
His sideways glances
And the way
hunger
Clings to his lips.

Do I allow him
To have me?
Temptation compelling
Heart raw and beating
My inhibition
Stripped
I am now bare.

Legs spread
And lips parted
He is greedy with me
Gasping from the need
Hands tangled in my dark hair.

He is just another
Indent on my mattress
  Another name
Written on an unspoken list
  Just another mark
On my once pure soul.

Tears slip from my dark brown eyes,
And fall across this endless space.
Prayers fault through red stained lips,
Endless invocation to reverse
what I am now so desperate to erase.

Breathing can be so tedious,
As days extend with such callous disregard.
How do I go on without you?
The absence has left me scarred.

Backward clocks tick in twisted rhythm,
This cavity holds time accountable for the pain.
I hate that you're no longer here
Now only the essence of memories remain.

I held my breath as it fell to ruin,
Burned and transformed by the opulent obsidian ember.
Grasping desolation in my gnarled hands
Refusing to release all that I have left to remember.

Wasn't I quiet enough for you?

Did I keep your secret tucked far enough under the comforter,
Where even now,
You can't admit I have laid.

Because if you did,
You'd have to admit the never leaving,
Because it never left.
Longing always lingers in the silence between.

You've hidden me in the folds of the blanket.
Always searching through memories,
Just for a moment of what once was.

I can't return your calls.
My absence now echos through us both.
The indent of my body growing stale,
Like fading perfume on the pillow.

I know it in the way you once kissed me.
Yet now,
You only whisper my name to the bed sheets.

I could fill my hands with wishes.
Vials of fairy dust tucked deep in my pockets.
one day,
I might need it.
But that day I think may never come.

Prayers whispered on red stained lips,
but they drop sincerely,
with to much heart.
Silence says to much in ways I can't comprehend.

Wind says that it can take me to a place, where shadows can't haunt me.
Sorrow can't sit on my door step,
reminding me of things that want to consume to much of me.

Monsters grab me in the night.
Profanity and ****** don't mix well with whiskey.
My stomach is always twisted in knots of strangled butterflies.

I could be a runaway.
Just another face on a milk carton,
or those cluttered bulletin boards at Walmart.
I fade away so easily,
flowers in my hair and feet bare,
sunshine warming my face.

I hate
That I miss him. 
Counted days
Pass in heavy silence. 

My heart
Broken is mending.
Prayers lost
To the universe. 
Polluting the galaxy
While
Destroying whole constellations.

My lips are sealed
Stitched together.
Strings of unspoken
Moments held to tightly. 
Bedsheets tainted
By silence and secrets. 

Once not caring
What having him
Would cost me. 
I now kneel in ruin. 
Healing myself
From his misuse.

Hands cupped
To catch the after math.
It slips through
My fingers.
Having begged him
once
Not to fall
In love with me.

I wish I knew the women I see, when I look at my own reflection. Age and scars marked into skin, I can count all the imperfection.

Age escaped me, and time turned thief with backward rhymes of yesterday. Watching age set into the surface, youth the cost I had to pay.

My hair flows around my face, I wish I recognized this beautiful vision. But I am just a frame of myself, binded by Destiny's decision.

Epiphany knocked me on my ***, I break my own heart every ******* time. I crumble and fall to pieces, over what the stars won't speak divine.

Who is me, this women I see, when glimpses come into view? A small fragment of myself, a memory of me, like someone I once knew...

I opened myself
Arms stretched
Welcomed
Into his bed.
Uncaring of
What it will cost me.

Why
Am I this way?
*** is Binding
Intertwined unspeakably
Beyond lifetimes
And far past
Our hearts
Own Comprehension.

We mold together
Passion overwhelming
Self destruction
Igniting
With each ******.
Left lingering
For eternity
Between ruin and bliss.